Category Archives: Booze

And I bid you Adieu!

It has been a few months since I have posted, well, anything. There is a good reason for this and let me splain youse…

I moved to DC with a hierarchy of goals in mind and at the top of my list graduate school. So, pulled the trigger and moved. Made to the Deez C and hit the ground running. I have now been in the town for a few months and embarked on the psychotic journey that I call my life. I now work 40 hours a week at a job where I do not have internet or the ability to communicate with the outside world, needless to say, I will be finding a new job. I am also taking 3 graduate courses, to include weekend classes as well. Yes, my life is a bit off the chain right now. As I type this my roommates are moving out and I have to find a new joint closer to the city, as well as finding a new car due to the Wolverine incident.

Just JP

I started this blog as a way to keep writing, so not to lose any edge while waiting for classes to begin. Now that I am balls deep in school, I am going to cut this space loose. I enjoyed having an outlet and a place that I can rant, rave, and basically let me be me. I have met some awesome people through this blog and some crazy ass people too. It all comes with the territory I guess. All in all I would not trade it, nor would I do anything different.


I feel this blog was only one side of myself, the nonsensical side, and I am glad that you dropped by to share in it. I would like to leave you with these parting words:

This will be my last confession,
Liberty can leave harsh impressions,
I have little faith forgive me for my past discretions,
But we live and learn that history and past are lessons,
Ive always played the hand I was given,
No exceptions here humanitys driven,
You see all men are born equal, just the standard of living,
That differs between the Jewish, Adriatic and Christian,
Im a logical man given to science,
Forgive me I know religion inspires,The day this is work the love of it dies, A handful make it, the others will strive,
And hunger can drive hatred but such is just life,
I guess jealousys the curse that the struggle inspires,
These critics seek to break and divide,
I know Im bitter but my faith is divine,
Take it in stride yeah I act like I hate it at times,
But I found love through this music and a place to reside,
For every friend I have an eager opponent,
For every cent I spent on meager components,
I gave something back so I dont feel the need for atonement,
Cause we all get our hands dirty when were seizing the moment.

Again, thanks for coming by for the past year or so! Be sure to keep up with me on Twitter, JustJPTweet, so you can keep up with my insanity. If you see me on the streets, just say hi to a guy named JP.
For all the ladies heartbroken and seeking a male perspective on things, check out my friends:

Don’t forget to check out everyone else too!



Filed under Booze, Foxy Friday, Friends, Life, Non-Sense

Riot Soda’s!

In the spirit of the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia season finale, I decided to share with you the finale of JP’s Funky Farmhouse Saison. For those wondering what the hell I am talking about, a Saison is classified by the Beer Judge Certification Program as:

Aroma: High fruitiness with low to moderate hop aroma and moderate to no herb, spice and alcohol aroma.  Fruity esters dominate the aroma and are often reminiscent of citrus fruits such as oranges or lemons.  A low to medium-high spicy or floral hop aroma is usually present.  A moderate spice aroma (from actual spice additions and/or yeast-derived phenols) complements the other aromatics.  When phenolics are present they tend to be peppery rather than clove-like.  A low to moderate sourness or acidity may be present, but should not overwhelm other characteristics.  Spice, hop and sour aromatics typically increase with the strength of the beer.  Alcohols are soft, spicy and low in intensity, and should not be hot or solventy.  The malt character is light.  No diacetyl.

Appearance: Often a distinctive pale orange but may be golden or amber in color.  There is no correlation between strength and color.  Long-lasting, dense, rocky white to ivory head resulting in characteristic “Belgian lace” on the glass as it fades.  Clarity is poor to good though haze is not unexpected in this type of unfiltered farmhouse beer.  Effervescent.

Flavor: Combination of fruity and spicy flavors supported by a soft malt character, a low to moderate alcohol presence and tart sourness.  Extremely high attenuation gives a characteristic dry finish.  The fruitiness is frequently citrusy (orange- or lemon-like).  The addition of one of more spices serve to add complexity, but shouldn’t dominate in the balance.  Low peppery yeast-derived phenols may be present instead of or in addition to spice additions; phenols tend to be lower than in many other Belgian beers, and complement the bitterness.  Hop flavor is low to moderate, and is generally spicy or earthy in character.  Hop bitterness may be moderate to high, but should not overwhelm fruity esters, spices, and malt.  Malt character is light but provides a sufficient background for the other flavors.  A low to moderate tart sourness may be present, but should not overwhelm other flavors.  Spices, hop bitterness and flavor, and sourness commonly increase with the strength of the beer while sweetness decreases.  No hot alcohol or solventy character.  High carbonation, moderately sulfate water, and high attenuation give a very dry finish with a long, bitter, sometimes spicy aftertaste.  The perceived bitterness is often higher than the IBU level would suggest.  No diacetyl.

Mouthfeel: Light to medium body.  Alcohol level can be medium to medium-high, though the warming character is low to medium.  No hot alcohol or solventy character.  Very high carbonation with an effervescent quality.  There is enough prickly acidity on the tongue to balance the very dry finish.  A low to moderate tart character may be present but should be refreshing and not to the point of puckering.

Overall Impression: A refreshing, medium to strong fruity/spicy ale with a distinctive yellow-orange color, highly carbonated, well hopped, and dry with a quenching acidity.

History: A seasonal summer style produced in Wallonia, the French-speaking part of Belgium.  Originally brewed at the end of the cool season to last through the warmer months before refrigeration was common.  It had to be sturdy enough to last for months but not too strong to be quenching and refreshing in the summer.  It is now brewed year-round in tiny, artisanal breweries whose buildings reflect their origins as farmhouses.

Comments: Varying strength examples exist (table beers of about 5% strength, typical export beers of about 6.5%, and stronger versions of 8%+).  Strong versions (6.5%-9.5%) and darker versions (copper to dark brown/black) should be entered as Belgian Specialty Ales (16E).  Sweetness decreases and spice, hop and sour character increases with strength.  Herb and spice additions often reflect the indigenous varieties available at the brewery.  High carbonation and extreme attenuation (85-95%) helps bring out the many flavors and to increase the perception of a dry finish.  All of these beers share somewhat higher levels of acidity than other Belgian styles while the optional sour flavor is often a variable house character of a particular brewery.

Ingredients: Pilsner malt dominates the grist though a portion of Vienna and/or Munich malt contributes color and complexity.  Sometimes contains other grains such as wheat and spelt.  Adjuncts such as sugar and honey can also serve to add complexity and thin the body.  Hop bitterness and flavor may be more noticeable than in many other Belgian styles.  A saison is sometimes dry-hopped.  Noble hops, Styrian or East Kent Goldings are commonly used.  A wide variety of herbs and spices are often used to add complexity and uniqueness in the stronger versions, but should always meld well with the yeast and hop character.  Varying degrees of acidity and/or sourness can be created by the use of gypsum, acidulated malt, a sour mash or Lactobacillus.  Hard water, common to most of Wallonia, can accentuate the bitterness and dry finish.

All this really means is the beer I brewed for the 2009 Sam Adams Long Shot Competition, that has been fermenting since February, has finally been bottled. I seriously thought about throwing out this batch, until my former boss gave me a wicked going away gift. I gave him 2 sample bottles of my last competition batch and he kept a bottle. Meaning, he kept a bottle of the original batch of JP’s Funky Farmhouse Ale and we opened it the day I left my job. Ladies and gentlemen, it was fabulous and I decided to press forward with the 5 gallons in my closet that has been temp controlled and untouched since February.

So, without further delay, here are some photos from the bottling process:

5 Gallons of glorious Riot Soda

Hops, Malts, and Grains go in, and beer comes out.

As I was filling this bottle and taking pics, it spilled all over the floor. The things I do for my readers.

Capping is kind of a pain in the ass, but must be done.

Riot Soda's Complete!

So, hopefully in one week these bad boys should be carbonated and ready for deployment. Maybe if you are lucky, you can try one too! Later Bitches!!!

P.S. I will be making an appearance at the Happy Hour at Private Bar this Friday. Holla atcha Boi if you will be there too!


Filed under Booze

When the devils nipping at your heels, you know this time it’s for real

Woke up Saturday morning with serious issues. Head pounding and throat sore. More specifically, the taste of chili cheese fries and smoke on my breath. Seriously, not attractive. Yes, I was still drunk when I woke up and it was pretty hard-core. After a mild lobotomy shower I started to feel a bit more human and started to evaluate my current state of overall health… Let’s just say it is rather poor.

I need a solid holiday from the booze and pretty much everything else that is not good for me, that I like oh so much. The usual chain of events is Booze–> Smokes–>Fast Food= shitty next morning. In fact my roommate, who is the voice of reason at times said, “you know if you smoke you are going to feel like shit, you always do.” I am kind of tired of it. There is no need to punish myself chemically, especially when I can beat myself up physically and in the long run feel better about the whole thing. Besides, I had someone that I know cares for me, say something to the effect of slow down, your liver does not like you. Usually, I don’t listen to others, but I heard this persons sincerity and appreciate them for it.

I am taking 30 days off to detox a bit. In fact, I am going to do things a bit differently than just taking 30 days off of booze. I have a tier system step up (in my head of course) to accomplish this small goal. Here is the step up:

30 days no alcohol.

No fast food. (not a huge issue)

No Soda. (not an issue)

After 10 days no processed foods. Crackers, chips, and anything that comes from a box.

Workout (weather permitting):

Biking on Monday, Wednesday, Friday

Swimming on Tuesday, and Thursday

All followed by push-ups and sit-ups to keep the core up.

I know it doesn’t seem like a huge plan, but that’s the point. These are things that are small on their own, but can really add up over a long period of time. Plus, I really push myself. 15 miles on day 20 the next. I tend to really go for it. It is all about my level of motivation and right now, I am feeling it.

My reward for all of this? Well, depending on how the rest of my life comes together, I plan on hitting up the Great American Beer Festival. The way I see it, 30 days of punishment will deserve a solid reward.

Do you have a detox program? How do you cleanse your system?


Filed under Booze

JP goes classy

I tried to come up with a traditional review for this classy drink, but just couldn’t put into words. So,  a first on the Gospel, I prepared a photo essay for Francis Ford Coppola’s Sofia Sparkling wine; in a Freakin CAN! With A Straw!!! This was too awesome. Enjoy:

photo-121This is Sofia. The Coppola Vineyard’s sparkling California white wine. 70% Pinot Blanc, 20% Sauvignon Blanc, 10% Muscat Cannelli. In A Freakin Can!

photo-122Did I mention it comes with it’s own flexi-straw attached?

photo-123Yes, I am drinking sparkling wine in a pink can with a straw. 

photo-124Hello, you are not too bad. 

photo-125Oh Shit! How did that pinky get out there?

photo-126Oh yea, things are looking up!

photo-127This has a bit of a kick… Yet smooth and classy. You know trailer park classy.

photo-128This stuff is really freaking good!


Why did I even bother with the straw? Oh yea, cause the straw freakin rocks!

photo-133I am sad it’s all gone. 


By the way it comes in a 4 pack for like $6 bucks. Go getcha some… for the ladies!


(My mom was with me when I bought this and she questioned my manhood. It was quite comical. I think fruity was the term.)


Filed under Booze

Not so royal


During my short break I was able to focus on a few things that I had been neglecting such as friends, family, and cleaning the house. Not big things individually, but combined they have helped me hit the reset button. Like all things any time for reflection is good, no matter what you are reflecting on. It will give you the chance to look back and say, “so thats why.”

This is the case with Avery Brewing out of Colorado. To be honest I am not a big fan of really anything they have released in the past 2 years. I do not dislike them, I  would just rather prefer something else. Now with that said, I was excited to hear they had an Imperial India Pale Ale out for a limited release (March-Aug). I have been on a serious hop kick lately and the packaging really caught my eye.

Here is the run down on Avery’s 22 oz. Maharaja IPA:

Price tag: $8.99 a bottle

ABV: A kick you in the nuts 10.54% seriously I got lit.

O.G.: 1.090 and heavy on the Carmel malt.

IBU: 102 units of strong hops. This was the exact reason why I picked up this brew.

Overall taste and complex: The hops in the brew were gorgeous. I love strong hops. However, what I do not like is when the brewer uses really sweet malts and sugar profiles to jack up the alcohol. Even with the hops shining through, the sweetness just killed me. I think after a pint I started to get a stomach ache from all the sugars. Though I did catch a nice buzz.

On the JP beer scale(1-10), I give this beer a 6.5. Though it was sweet, it was keeping with tradition with the IPA of being a high gravity beer and in this case a very sweet one. The reason I  gave it the extra .5 was due strictly to the hops.

The Imperial Maharaja ale reminds me of Jenna Jameson in Zombie Strippers. At first you are really excited because A. Jenna is in it. B. It has zombie strippers. C. Who doesn’t like zombie strippers? When you first start watching this movie you are focusing in on all of the elements that makes the movie and really are not to concerned about the outcome. In your brain the parts should equal a great sum. Like this movie, the beer does not hold up to the ingredient hype. Both the movie and the beer (yes I was watching it while drinking this beer) just died off and made me slightly nausea’s at the end. So, if you like sweet and hoppy, this could be your jam. For me I feel the ingredients, much like Jenna, were rode out just too damn long. Like 70’s porn and the pet rock this beer is a limited engagement and as a community we are better off for that.


Filed under Booze

Stoopid is, as stoopid does!

I have been listening to my friends lately about their personal issues and trying to relate them to mine. As I said yesterday, I have had a rough few weeks; however, I am relatively sans serious issue. My ego bruises do not compare to those that have relationship issues (I have had no relations) and I may be broke, but at least I am IRS free (LiLu we will have that John Daly while cursing their first born). In general I am pretty mellow once I got over myself.

How did I get over all the non-sense you may ask? Well, I splurged on a Citizen Cope album after being inspired by FrancoBean’s free verse Friday and I got a bit Stoopid. Hop Stoopid to be exact. I broke down and bought a case of Lagunitas Hop Stoopid farm house ale. Yes, I said it, case! No bullshitting here. I was tipped off about a one case shipment to my local Total Wine and I could not delay. In fact I called the store over the course of 3 days to insure I was the only one to have possession of this item. When I called in, they said they sold out in minutes and had to re-order. I was proud.

Why would JP buy a case of an Ale called Hop Stoopid? No, it’s  not because I like a certain band from Cali, though this brewery is located in Petaluma, coincidence? I think not.

Seriously Stoopid

Seriously Stoopid

Anyways, here is the run down on the Lagunitas Stoopidity:

Special Ordered it from Total Wine: for $4.11 per 22 oz bottle

ABV: 7.7% Mellow, but will surely get the job done after a solid double duce.

O.G.: 1.085 They started off with a solid foundation of hearty malts

IBU’s: 102! Ever heard the term “take the enamel off your teeth?” You can feel the hop oil on you bicuspids! It is rad.

Overall Taste and complex: You may recall me going on about how good this brewery’s Maximus was right? Well, this is like the devil spawn of Maximus. White lacy head that complements the balanced and pale body. It has a citrus pine note that is like biting into a grapefruit, without the Atomic Sour WarHead reaction. It is a very low key IPA, usually to get the alcohol up, a lot of brewers will increase their malt/sugar profile. Lagunitas has shown they can have a ballsy IPA with an insane hop count while keeping it palatable. In fact you can have a few of these with out irritating your taste buds and or stomach; hard feat for a lot of India Pale Ales.

On the JP beer scale(1-10), I give this a 9.9 for the brewery presenting us with a proper India Pale Ale anyone would be proud to be a caught in public with.

This beer is like watching Eva Longoria and Kat Von D hook up! Let me give you a moment to process that statement. I know, just purely unreal. Okay so I too  just had a personal moment there. The sexy vixen of lace and seduction (malt profile)  meets the bold tattooed beauty (102 IBU’s of hops). This is not a voyeurs beer! This is a down and dirty make you and your entire crew blush kind of brew. Now, I have really put this one out there by the last few statements, I know this. I stand by my words.

Now, please realize this is not the greatest beer in the world, by far. However, all of the elements from malt, yeast and hops, this beer has come together very well. Think of it as that real lanky girl that had braces and was shy in high school. You would totally date her and probably even hooked up with her once or twice. Then one day you are in the grocery store several years later with your girl friend and up walks this beautiful super model. That. Knows. Your. Name. Then you have to ‘splain just how you know that bombshell vixen to your girlfriend; which subsequently gives her a “am I pretty complex” for the next year, kind of beer.

Thank you for your continued support of The Gospel of JP!


Filed under Booze

Black and Blue… The good kind.

Over the last week I have had some things come up in life that knocked me back. Actually, they knocked me down and out for a bit and I may have not taken the initial news very well. To fill you in I was passed over for a mega job in the desert and I was placed on a waiting list for the grad school program, that happened to be my top choice. It was a one, two punch. Then I got a letter from the state saying I owe them $2,500 in damages from an accident 2 years ago (I was side swiped, hit a guard rail and went rolling down the highway at 50 mph’s). So, there was 3.

So, seeing how I have got a few bumps and bruises to my ego and wallet I decided to splurge a bit. My splurge of choice was Dogfish Head’s Black and Blue Ale; Belgian amber with blackberries and blueberries:

Limited Release Black and Blue

Limited Release Black and Blue

The Run Down:

Found it at Total Wine for $11.99 for 22 oz’s

ABV: 10% meaning it would take 2 Bud’s to match one glass of these bad boys in the alcohol department.

IBU’s: 25- Not a strong showing on the hops but not weak either. Nice balance with the acids from the fruit.

Overall Taste and complex: I enjoyed the hue of this beer. Slightly cloudy, but I have a feeling it’s bottled conditioned and carbonated (meaning yeast is introduced into bottle to create bubbles). Fairly creamy head (that’s what she said). The berries were a nice blend with the Belgian malts, it was sweet, but not like a Jolly Rancher. I think the hop combination with the fruit washed over the palate quite nicely. I would have preferred a higher hop count, but that  is just me; I am going through a crazy hop phase right now.

On the JP beer scale (1-10) I give this: 8.5

This is the Tyra Banks of beers and is a nice treat for someone who likes a full figured ale. Sweet, bubbly, amber tones, and overall great balance. I think the ladies would especially like the tone and balance of the this beer, especially those that like a Riesling or a Beaujolais wine. Guys, it’s bold enough that you won’t feel like a pansy while drinking it. Plus, the color and head profile at first glance looks like a Orval Trappist Ale.

On a completely separate note:

If anyone from Dogfish Head happens to actually read this, I am currently available if you need someone with a communications/marketing background willing to relocate to the Del/Mar/Va area. I have 7 years of home brewing experience and appreciate your off-centered approach. Oh, I work for cheap!




Filed under Booze