Tag Archives: Jew

And I bid you Adieu!

It has been a few months since I have posted, well, anything. There is a good reason for this and let me splain youse…

I moved to DC with a hierarchy of goals in mind and at the top of my list graduate school. So, pulled the trigger and moved. Made to the Deez C and hit the ground running. I have now been in the town for a few months and embarked on the psychotic journey that I call my life. I now work 40 hours a week at a job where I do not have internet or the ability to communicate with the outside world, needless to say, I will be finding a new job. I am also taking 3 graduate courses, to include weekend classes as well. Yes, my life is a bit off the chain right now. As I type this my roommates are moving out and I have to find a new joint closer to the city, as well as finding a new car due to the Wolverine incident.

Just JP

I started this blog as a way to keep writing, so not to lose any edge while waiting for classes to begin. Now that I am balls deep in school, I am going to cut this space loose. I enjoyed having an outlet and a place that I can rant, rave, and basically let me be me. I have met some awesome people through this blog and some crazy ass people too. It all comes with the territory I guess. All in all I would not trade it, nor would I do anything different.

JP

I feel this blog was only one side of myself, the nonsensical side, and I am glad that you dropped by to share in it. I would like to leave you with these parting words:

This will be my last confession,
Liberty can leave harsh impressions,
I have little faith forgive me for my past discretions,
But we live and learn that history and past are lessons,
Ive always played the hand I was given,
No exceptions here humanitys driven,
You see all men are born equal, just the standard of living,
That differs between the Jewish, Adriatic and Christian,
Im a logical man given to science,
Forgive me I know religion inspires,The day this is work the love of it dies, A handful make it, the others will strive,
And hunger can drive hatred but such is just life,
I guess jealousys the curse that the struggle inspires,
These critics seek to break and divide,
I know Im bitter but my faith is divine,
Take it in stride yeah I act like I hate it at times,
But I found love through this music and a place to reside,
For every friend I have an eager opponent,
For every cent I spent on meager components,
I gave something back so I dont feel the need for atonement,
Cause we all get our hands dirty when were seizing the moment.

Again, thanks for coming by for the past year or so! Be sure to keep up with me on Twitter, JustJPTweet, so you can keep up with my insanity. If you see me on the streets, just say hi to a guy named JP.
For all the ladies heartbroken and seeking a male perspective on things, check out my friends:

Don’t forget to check out everyone else too!

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Slightly Annoyed

***WARNING THIS IS VERY CYNICAL***

As I was driving to work today I got an email from the company I interviewed with last week. The one where I didn’t get any sleep and they changed the interview time; basically I was set up for failure because they didn’t have their shit together. They informed me that they will be going with another candidate. Essentially, I changed my vacation plans to be jerked around and wasted money and precious time. Hey1 thanks, I appreciate that, no really, thanks. Although, I did at least get the opportunity to go for it.

Moreover, there are other things in my life and people for that matter, that I really thought were different. I have known them for a while, yet I feel like I have been used. See being the nice guy some times2 will come back and blow up in your face. People often mistake kindness for weakness and will walk all over you. My roommate often tells me, “just put yourself out there and be nice to people. Let them know the real you.” The truth is I do put myself out there and I get burned a lot, but I continue to do it because each time I learn something new. People never surprise me and I am always cautiously paranoid, but have learned to keep quit and just ride out the storm.

With everything that has recently happened I feel I need to stop having faith in others.3 Time to go back to the old ways of JP. One, where I am the only one I can rely on and have blind faith in. A JP that takes big risks, but only for himself. I am tired, beaten down, but not broken. I have a goal in sight and I refuse to let things stand in my way. If people’s feelings get hurt along the way, consider this my formal apology, as there will be none given past this point.

Lesson learned on all fronts in my life.

Father,
you know where I have been and
you know what I have done
they say that you see everything
so you know I never hurt no one
What I have stolen won’t be missed
By those who had so much, so long
We’ll soon be laughing about this
They will never notice it is gone
I could bend the universe
It I can only get there first
There are some foolish fresh laid plans
My fate is firmly in your hands4

1Insert company name

2I really try to deny my asshole nature and go out of my way

3And being such a trusting sucker

4Devotchka “Undone”

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My liver hurts because of you…

Friday night I pulled the trigger and cruised down to Martin to meet everyone for the blogger happy hour. Let’s just say I was very happy. As I type I am unsure how to explain the evening, further more explain how I went from zero to outright tanked in less then an hour. I was warned that these events get out of hand; boobs are shown or people end up in the bathroom doing funny things, but I truly did not believe them. Then I met the following people:

  • Lemmonex– Co-organizer of the event and stunning beauty. She made sure everyone was properly introduced and had a libation in their hands. She disappeared at one point and I heard she went home due to intoxication. I hope she survived. 
  • Arjewtino-The man, the myth, the legend. Co-organizer of the event and a man of style. He was on point all night and made sure everyone was properly set up. This guy was cracking me up all night and had a very profound outlook on life. 
  • Jolee 724-This girl is responsible for my head ache the next day. We did ass loads (hehe) of whiskey shots and pounded countless beers. This girl looks all sweet and innocent, but she is a strong arm assassin. She was  great wing girl. Cusses like a sailor and drinks like a mick. In fact she had some friends there I was talking to earlier in the night and then ran into them on the metro home. I am not sure what I said to them, but their faces told me I was done for the night. 
  • I hate so much–  This girl was awesome. Some one may or may not have a picture of me with my face buried in her chest; for warmth people it was cold as shit outside. One could say she was an instigator of shots along with Jolee 724. Definitely a hard core girl.
  • Desiree– This pixie snuck up on me, pulled me aside and kind of killed my game with this one girl. Its cool though because she introduced me to her squad. Really cool group of people and had a blast hanging with them. BTW, she actually kind of saved me from the girl I was talking with, because she was really stuck up and a pain in the ass. Thanks for the save!
  • Big Money Tony– Cool kat. Really mellow I didn’t get to talk with him as much, but still a good guy to know.
  • Francobeans– This is one enlightened kat. He and his girl were awesome to hang with. We were going to get pancakes the next day, but well, I was way too hung over. Next time my friend, next time. 
  • Deutlich– This girl was a solider! Straight up warrior. She was rockin a hot dress in like 20 degree weather. By the time I arrived, like 815 she was looking a little hammered. Well, she was really hammered! Arjewtino and I had to hold her up for a bit of the night. But, she hung in there like a champ. Strong work girl. 

I have to say I met so many cool people that night. Chocolate Bear and I were way wasted and I forgot a lot of interactions and heard shennagians may have been called once or twice. My parting story that sums up my drinking with DC Bloggers has to do with the ride home. I got on the train headed back to Vienna and saw a girl in a yellow skirt. It was like 20 degrees outside and she was wearing an outfit you would see in Orlando in the summer. I looked over at my sister and said, “damn, that girl is hot.” She promptly replied, “her face is fucked up. You can’t drink her pretty!” I said, “well I think I just did.” Yea folks I was done. 

I have to say even though I had a massive hangover I ended up at the Dogfishhead brew pub and had their hotdog and a flight of beers. This promptly put me back on the map and I partied with friends until 3 am Sunday morning. This weekend I have realized, I am going to chillax for a bit. Can’t wait until the next one!

P.S. I left a lot of cool people out of this post, because, well my memory is a bit patchy. If you ran into me drop me a line I will make sure you get the credit you deserve! Thanks!

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I need coffee

For some reason good quality REM sleep and JP have not been uniting in blissful slumber. This may be due to the tooth still lodged in my jaw bone or the many other issues I cart around on the daily basis. Mounting issues pertaining to a permanent domicile and graduate school have really been knocking me about. However, I have not lost hope and this is the season, to see it come to fruition.

Last Friday I was supposed to have the meddlesome tooth ripped out of my skull, but no such luck. I was trumped by another guy who was more apt to express his pain. It was mellow though, I had the day off and they gave me pills. Sounds like I can roll to the work Christmas party…When I called up my boss to get directions, my co-workers were genuinely concerned about my well being. I have to admit, this through me off a bit. Later that evening I rolled into the gathering to be greeted with a beer I brewed 7 months ago! This is from the same batch I sent to Sam that had been cold aging in his fridge. Glorious! So, not bad at this point and off to the next guys house. This is where it became a bit strange and hokey, yet tolerable in the sense that you will watch Ralphie in the “Christmas Story,” you know familiar but slightly annoying. We went around the room telling stories about our favorite Christmas story all of which were heart warming. Then, out of nowhere, my retired Marine Corp. fighter pilot boss, broke out in tears while telling his story. I honestly didn’t know how to feel. I wasn’t sad, nor was I happy. I actually took comfort in his passion for the story and how it made him feel.

Fast forward to Sunday. I would like to note at this point I dealt with a lot of self inflicted non-sense the night before and I was totally making the effort to be nice to people. Woke up and was introduced to Roomy#1’s new date/interest, who came with her to church. I have serious issues about a “church date,” you are supposed to worship, not fraternize with a potential suitor. The funny part was her friend from out of town crashed at our place because we were out the night before, so he joined her and her date at church. I laughed all day about this. It’s 11 and I am hungry for some shakshuka, so off to see the Hasidic’s. The date joined roomy#1 and I (I was being very nice by the way) at the Israeli Cafe and I was fairly certain he was not used to traveling with our kind; rolling fresh out of Catholic mass to an Israeli joint is common at our house.

It is at the Cafe when I began to understand that it was my mild hangover that was keeping me jovial. Ha! Not for long. I ate this magnanimous dish of eggs, tomatoes, and spicy peppers, thus snapping me out of my spell. This is the time I realized I did not like the new guy. The Cafe is Kosher and they are very strict! The new guy was trying to crack a joke at the expense of the restaurant’s  Kosher standing; I and roomy#1 were pissed. Fast forward..Ditched the douche bag and phoned a friend convincing her shopping with me would be a fun time.

The friend I convinced to come with me (there was no real struggle) is someone I highly respect and care for; probably the most positive influence in my life. After shopping for a bit, I suggested going to the bookstore and she was in agreement. While there we had a discussion about religion and faith spawning form roomy#1’s situation. Then she asked, “if you had to some up the bible in a short summary what would you say?” I responded the only way I knew, “a good read?” I had been caught and she knew it!

There is a reason I feel this person is the most positive figure in my life for one simple fact, she always amazes me with her kindness and generosity. After calling me on my bull-shit answer, we sat down in the back of the book store, bible in hand. In 20 minutes enlightened  me about the story as no one ever has. I was quite impressed, amazed, and thankful. She seriously took the time to read and point out key stories in a sequential order with explanations as I never heard or picked up on. I have to say this may have opened my eyes to something I have always neglected.

For all the non-sense, pain, and tomfoolery that occurred this weekend, I realize that there are good people out there. People the genuinely care about other for no other reason than compassion. Now, lets be honest for a moment, I am not the most outwardly compassionate or thoughtful person. Border line cynical? Maybe. The one thing I realized is that even with all the crazy thoughts running through my head, I still have an open mind. I am still able to surprise and impress myself. I will be honest, I may be warming up to this holiday season after all. But it took the kindness of special people for me to realize this. For that I am thankful.

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Wow did that just happen?

Ah, Saturday! What an unassuming glorious day. I mean where do I even begin? I think I need to start at the grocery store and the clearing of the beer shelf. 5 packs of Miller High Life camouflage Fall edition tall boys. These are the cans that say,”enjoy after the adventure.” For you rednecks at home it means even though they are camo, consume after hunting so you don’t pull a Cheney. The beer was acquired and with Winston riding shot-gun we were off to Chocolate Bear’s house for the big game. 

We gathered for all important SEC championship game, in which the Florida Gators defeated Alabama 31-20 securing their position in the BCS Championship game. It is great to be a Florida Gator! Well, being a part of the Gator Nation means by inherent right, you have to know how to tail-gate and or consume mass quantity’s of beer.

Chocolate bear on the porch

Chocolate bear on the porch

The first beer was cracked at 3:45 p.m. and as you can see Chocolate Bear was “reprezentin'”

 

 

 

During the game Sis called to inform me that her crew was doing shots every time Florida scored; CB and I thought about this and voted no due to our track record of stupidity after shots. So the game goes on and 20 beers go down between CB, JP, and just a little bit for Winston. By this time we were on the express train to hammeredville riding first class.

After Game Damage

After Game Damage

So what does any self respecting drunk person do? That’s right, pulled out the phone and started calling everyone we knew. This took place around 7:30 p.m. One taker on our offer of fun and exotic adventures was Jew Slacks. Though, we weren’t prepared for his offer.

 

Jew Slacks Rolled through and convinced Chocolate Bear that it would be a great idea to go downtown to this emo bar, which is really not my scene. I protested with vigor, giving the argument that we should just stay put because we were supposed to go golf with the Russian Mafia in the morning. My pleas fell on deaf ears. I then countered with a brisk assessment of our financial well being, reminding everyone that CB is unemployed and well lets just say I am not too far off from there as well. Then I heard something from Jew Slacks I though I would never hear, “I got you guys covered.” Wait a minute I have to be wasted, did I just hear that? My argument is now null and void, siempre loco. Though he did throw some bullshit speech about not cock-blocking him or getting us tossed out of the joint. We called shenanigans on said speech and made no such promises.

Jew Slacks was the designated driver and bank roller all wrapped up in one nice package. As I recall the can did say enjoy after the adventure, but who am I to follow that rule. We arrive downtown in time to dodge the cover charge. I hate cover charges by the way, especially at a bar. I mean come on, you mark up the drinks by 20 to 50 percent, why do you have to break my balls in the process. Anyways, we get our drunk band and immediately bounce next door to my spot. Walking up we run into an old friend working the door. Good ‘ol Jeb who bares a striking resemblance to Elvis. Imagine this scene as you walk up to the door of a bar. A large black man thumb wrestling Elvis, while a very hammered heavily tattooed was hitting on a very attractive policewoman; she was not having any of my non-sense, her loss. Yea it was like that! Hell we were even checking ID’s while we were at it. Shit, now that I think about it we were kind of official and should have charged a cover to our little show. Damn another missed opportunity.

11:30 rolled around and we caught up with Jew Slacks at the emo bar, damn there are some lame ass people there. Lame in the sense that they believe they are vampires and or a dark damned soul. LAME! Give it up people. Individuality does not mean doing what the rest of fucktards are doing. I digress. By this time I was blitzkrieg drunk at the bar and things were not making a bit of sense to me. The kind of drunk were my mouth runs as if it was Niagara Falls. I do not recall a lot of the evening who made the call to get pizza, but it was the best idea of the evening. I really don’t remember what kind of pizza it was, though this morning I burped and  think pepperoni and garlic was involved.  I do recall making fun of a cop in the pizza place and freaking out CB and Jew Slacks with my antics, but the cop was cool about it thank god. 

I don’t remember how I made it out of downtown, but I did. On the way home while Jew Slacks was navigating I got the brilliant idea to drunk dial a girl that called earlier in the evening. It didn’t go bad but I couldn’t tell ya if it went well either. Arrived home about 1:00 a.m. lit like a Christmas tree. I had left the backdoor unlocked when I left so I didn’t have to take my keys with me. I guess you can imagine my suprise when I came home to a locked door! I saw that roomy#2’s door was open and he was home, so I did what any good roommate does when hammered at 1:00 a.m., I pounded on the door relentlessly, kind of manic/psychotic. And in my infinate wisdom when he finally opened the door I said something like “why the hell would you lock the door?” A duh retard would have worked well in this situation. Came in slammed some doors…Done. Fried. 

10:30 a.m: Damage assessment. Foggy, yet light and clear. Realized I had a wild night and recovery meal for under $25.00. It is amazing what one can accomplish when the means are not there. While rummaging for food relaizing I am broke and have no food, I now see the need for a girlfriend who can cook; it is good to know that the dollar menu exists. Called up Chocolate Bear and said, “Okay that was nuts. I told you we should have stayed in.” He agreed. Next time I will not be out voted. Roomy#2 was debriefed and all is well.

By the way, the Russian Mafia was totally pissed about me missing golf on Sunday.

GO GATORS!

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