Tag Archives: Starbucks

And I bid you Adieu!

It has been a few months since I have posted, well, anything. There is a good reason for this and let me splain youse…

I moved to DC with a hierarchy of goals in mind and at the top of my list graduate school. So, pulled the trigger and moved. Made to the Deez C and hit the ground running. I have now been in the town for a few months and embarked on the psychotic journey that I call my life. I now work 40 hours a week at a job where I do not have internet or the ability to communicate with the outside world, needless to say, I will be finding a new job. I am also taking 3 graduate courses, to include weekend classes as well. Yes, my life is a bit off the chain right now. As I type this my roommates are moving out and I have to find a new joint closer to the city, as well as finding a new car due to the Wolverine incident.

Just JP

I started this blog as a way to keep writing, so not to lose any edge while waiting for classes to begin. Now that I am balls deep in school, I am going to cut this space loose. I enjoyed having an outlet and a place that I can rant, rave, and basically let me be me. I have met some awesome people through this blog and some crazy ass people too. It all comes with the territory I guess. All in all I would not trade it, nor would I do anything different.

JP

I feel this blog was only one side of myself, the nonsensical side, and I am glad that you dropped by to share in it. I would like to leave you with these parting words:

This will be my last confession,
Liberty can leave harsh impressions,
I have little faith forgive me for my past discretions,
But we live and learn that history and past are lessons,
Ive always played the hand I was given,
No exceptions here humanitys driven,
You see all men are born equal, just the standard of living,
That differs between the Jewish, Adriatic and Christian,
Im a logical man given to science,
Forgive me I know religion inspires,The day this is work the love of it dies, A handful make it, the others will strive,
And hunger can drive hatred but such is just life,
I guess jealousys the curse that the struggle inspires,
These critics seek to break and divide,
I know Im bitter but my faith is divine,
Take it in stride yeah I act like I hate it at times,
But I found love through this music and a place to reside,
For every friend I have an eager opponent,
For every cent I spent on meager components,
I gave something back so I dont feel the need for atonement,
Cause we all get our hands dirty when were seizing the moment.

Again, thanks for coming by for the past year or so! Be sure to keep up with me on Twitter, JustJPTweet, so you can keep up with my insanity. If you see me on the streets, just say hi to a guy named JP.
For all the ladies heartbroken and seeking a male perspective on things, check out my friends:

Don’t forget to check out everyone else too!

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Filed under Booze, Foxy Friday, Friends, Life, Non-Sense

Sometimes the line becomes blurry between rocks and unicorns

And I am back. Wow! Just Wow. What an insane trip. I think the best way to break it down is start from the beginning…

Thursday

3:30pm- Woke up and started getting ready.

6:30pm- Picked up Justagirl and Gingermandy

7:00pm- Dinner with the girls and Chocolate bear, where we discussed and decided on going as Special Olympic Athletes for Halloween this year. Actually, it was a toss up between that and track suits. Any time I can wear a helmet and point to myself while saying “Ima numba one” while trying to order a drink, is tops in my book.

10:00pm- Hit the road for D.C. Girls and Winston slept while I cranked it up and with 2 sugar-free Red Bull and Ritalin1

Friday

9:15am- Walked into my apt in NOVA.2

10:00am- Finally laid down to get a few hours sleep before I had to be in MD for an interview.

10:05am- Received a call stating that my interviewer was sick and I had to get there before 2pm in order to lock this down.

11:00am- Was on the Orange line headed into town.

1:00pm- Walked into the interview and was presented with a Wonderlic Test.

1:12pm- Finished the test and went cross eyed and thought I saw a Care Bear across the street dancing with a band of gypsies.

1:15pm- Interview commenced. Tried to keep my head together as the Care Bear across the street was ripping his own head off. “With insomnia, nothing’s real. Everything’s far away, everything’s a copy.”3

2:00pm- Back on the bus headed back to NOVA, all the while this thought was ever present; “I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn’t screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I’d never see. I wanted to breathe smoke. “4

4:00pm- Walked into the Apt and felt like killing anything that moved suddenly.

4:15pm- Finally laid down for a nap. “If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?”5

4:45pm- Was back up and at it. “Self-improvement is masturbation. Now self-destruction… “6 Yelled at my sister to get me a beer and “get dis bitch crackin”

5:00pm- Picked up What a Grand World from the bus stop, while taking out a curb in the Lincoln. Perfection.

5:15-8pm- I am unclear as to what happen during this time frame, but I know we did something. A little fuzzy. I know wings were involved because I remember the blood bath that was Just a Girl tearing up some wings. Like Woah.

8:10pm- On the train to Recessions. Just a Girl and Gingermandy were beating each other while What a Grand World was taking really creepy pictures of us.

9:00pm- Joined everyone at Recessions and the karaoke began. I do remember N’Sync was preformed by all the girls. That or I have been having some really fucked up dreams.

11:00pm- Headed back on the train, almost had to wreck some drunk asshole. It was a mess.7

12:30pm- After getting lost, we finally made it home.

Saturday

10:00am- Woke up and got the party started.

10:03am- Heard Gingermandy puking in the bathroom something fierce.

10:15-1:30- rehabbed the girls with some food and coffee.

2:00pm- PQ came by with Shine and picked up the girls to go shopping and get ready.

3:00pm- Went to Dogfish Head brew pub for the Florida vs. Arkansas game. May have drank a few beers?

Somewhere around the 3rd quarter of the game- The bartender changed the channel during a critical play. I may have8 politely asked the bartender to change it back9. At this point it was necessary for me to pay my tab and get the hell out, before I was politely asked to leave.10

7:00pm- Got ready for #pbandtuna

8:15pm- got to U street and wandered around all lost and shit. Good thing I ran into What a Grand World or I would have been screwed. There were even APB’s out on Twitter for my where abouts.

8:30pm- Finally made it to Stetson’s and rock out all night with:

12 Minds, A, Alice, anoukange, B, CavyCleveland’s A Plum, Deutlichdmb5_ libra, DMBosstone, Dysfunction Junction, f.Bflippy, Ginger Mandyjenniferalaine, JerzeyGrrlJP, Just A Girl, KassyK, Katertot, Katie RoseLate- Night Drama Queen, Lemmonex, Lusty Reader, M (Only One Way Down), Malnurtured SnayMarie, Maxie, Mr. 5280, Pithy Comments, PQ, Rachel Smiles, Restaurant Refugee, Shine Out Loud, Suburban Sweetheart, thebestmichelle, Urban Bohemian,and last but certainly not least, What A Grand World.

During this time I had a blast. Gifts were giving, booze was drank, and sombrero’s were worn. Insanely good party.

1ish am???- Made my way home.

Sunday

There really was no time line here, cause I was way too hungover to make it back to U street and join everyone for brunch. In fact we went and got a burger and a coffee. Watched movies all day and just relaxed. I was dying of death.

Monday

4:30am- Hit the road for Orlando. Bombed down a Red Bull and chased it with methylphenidate.

12:30pm- Renewed my hatred for the entire state of South Carolina.

4:30pm- Arrived by at the Honey Comb Hideout.

Tuesday

4:30am- Alarm came way too early.

5:30am- Dropped off Just a Girl at the airport.

6:00am- Went to Starbucks and found the 2 employees sitting outside with a gallon sized coffee mugs. I don’t know how they do it.

6:15am- Arrived at the office to find out I didn’t have my key to get in the building. Cursed the Baby Jesus and waited.

6:30am- Finally got in and cranked up some tunes. I am not really sure how people function this early, but I do like the freedom and personal space it allows for.

Anyways, I am totally waxed and have to recover from the helluva weekend that was done, so I leave you with this:

“Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don’t you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can’t think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you’re supposed to read? Do you think every thing you’re supposed to think? Buy what you’re told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned- Tyler.”11

1Having ADD does have it’s advantages.

2I am a road trip assassin

3Fight Club (1999)

4Fight Club (1999)

5Fight Club (1999)

6Fight Club (1999)

7I was a mess. Totally wiped out.

8Fuck yeah I whistled really loud and said some shit

9Before I broke a foot off in his ass.

10Seriously, you should be shot if you try to change the Florida game. Stupid ass.

11Fight Club (1999)

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The Gospel’s 100th Anniversary

Welcome to TMI Thursdays! As LiLu always says: Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

TMI Thursday

Today is my 100th post here at the Gospel and just like when it started, I still have no clue what I am doing with it. I feel my writing is sub-par, yet I keep attracting readers. Upon reflection of 100 various posts I still don’t have a cohesive thesis or outline for this blog. What I realized is there probably never will be. I will never have a great theme blog and I am fine with this.

So how does one celebrate the 100th? By refelcting on the author’s top 3 posts or the 3 that sucked the least. Anyways, if you are new or have been down with deathrow from day one, thank you coming coming by. I do have to say it is quite fortuitous that this 100th lands on TMI Thursday. So without further delay:

Best (or grossest) TMI Thursday post: If you have a weak stomach, don’t press forward…

The post I feel I was most on my game: Let me peak at your soul…

And last but not least the post that kicked this blog off: So, this is JP…

Again, thanks for dropping in and I hope you celebrate this upcoming 4th of July weekend and your country, by blowing up a small piece of it.

JP

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Time to restructure

Welcome to the dismal winter state of Florida. It’s not cold, yet cool enough to be annoying. It is not torrential rain that is falling, but the kind of rain that you have to set your wipers on low, but it is still too much. So, what does JP do on these kind of days? Thats right kids roll straight into Starbucks and snatch up a brew and take 5 minutes to validate what I have always said. I took my time today rolling into work, replaying John Doe’s “the losing kind” for some odd reason. Wait, I know the reason:

It has been a rough week at work, for some reason everyone has come unhinged and as usual I just hide in my office; this has also become the safe haven for other non-sense refugees. It is here tucked away with my new obsession that I reflected on the current climate of change and thought, “why the hell can’t this office experience change?” So, I came to this conclusion: we need to vote for an office president.

I realize that there are already presidents and ceo’s and people that have official power. I get it. But, that is not the real truth. As any office dweller knows, there are people in the office that are seemly above the system in all normal conventions of the setting. They can be outspoken, mellow, or even a total pain in the ass, but if you want something done, you go to them. Personally, I am the antithesis of what constitutes a solid employee and I have alway been the one to run the black-market. I can get you anything you need, thus, people leave me alone and let me be cantankerous. Though everyone can see this system at work, we need an organized leader. I hear by propose a vote.

Each organization should vote on an underground president. Someone that will be the overall mediator for situations that require, well, that delicate touch that only those who run the underground of “office mafia” know how to pull off. Think of this person a kind of central mediator; all proposals for the “whacked” list need to go through this elected unofficial. This position has a lot of unofficial power and is dependent on the foundation that all office dwellers, need a central “underdog champion” figure. The kind of office Robin Hood.

Some other possible “positions”  may include:

Scribe- The person that keeps a running record of important company developments, such as getting screwed on health insurance, or how the new bonus structure will ACTUALLY effect your pay check. Would be in charge of emailing the underground members.

Sargent at Arms- Is responsible for membership or initiation. All potential underground members must be approved through this person. Is responsible for maintaining members status and revocation of status. Reports directly to president.

Gossip- A powerful instrument in a manner not thought of. Think of this position more as a spy. A traditional gossip causes issues, the underground gossip will report issues or “gossip type” situations directly to the underground. This person must be able to move seamlessly throughout all office “cliques.” This position requires a female with the gift of the gab.

Black Market Dealer- Is the go to person. May it be an extra packet of post-it notes that is required or a can of coffee. This person is able to by pass the “supply nazi” that every office has. Is essential in daily no non-sense smooth operation. All supplies are dealt internally and not for outside use. Though, if items are needed for outside use, a pass-phrase will be established for such requests.

Slut- Every office needs a hot and slutty personality. This helps increase gossip flow and keeps the helpless males entertained. There may be multiple openings for this position.

As you can see implementation of these positions would make things either run smoother or make things very entertaining. After witnessing a heap of office madness this week, I fell that this increase productivity and reduce the petty stress level. Hell, everyone needs a go-to person to get things done. I am throughly convinced that this cannot be done through management. So, spread the gospel and form your own underground and yes Che would be proud of you.

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Get Excited

Next week there are some good things coming your way:

Lemmonex interviews JP

Review of Dive Bars in Orlando

Guest Post from Chocolate Bear

and we check in with Sis and Lizard Breath as they brave the 4 million people about to descend on our apartment.

So, get your brains ready for a lot of useless knowledge and mindless dribble!

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Let me peek at your soul

Every once in a while you can get a glimpse of  a persons mentality or even see what kind of human they really are. Our species is self righteous and narcissistic by nature. You might be asking yourself, “JP when can I see what a person is really like, without even having to speak to them?” Well my friend, when someone is placing an order. A more poignant and highlighted example is when someone places an order  at Starbucks. 

I have always touted this theory amongst friends, swearing that I could narrow someone down in the matter of a few seconds. Matter in fact Starbucks is one of my favorite places to do a first date or what I like to call the “interview”. Not because it is just quiet, mellow, and a good cup of joe, but for the pure pleasure of hearing my date say, “I would like.” This simple phrase will surmise what the next few minutes or hours will bring–depending on if I answer my bailout call or not. You can do this as well. You just need to be armed with the proper information. So, for the purpose of enlightenment I will share the orders and the repercussions as I have seen and experienced. **This is referring to females, however the gender roles can be re-assigned with the same effects. This is assuming the date is at night. Please note this is coming from a purely male perspective and all corrections are welcome.**

  1. Decaf Girl- There are a few ways to go with this one. A) Agreed to meet you, but has no further plans for the evening. B) 7th day Adventist; time to bail anyways. C) Recovering addict; just need to push her in the right direction.
  2. Plain Black Coffee Girl- This is my kind of girl. Straightforward, low-stress, and to the point. Knows that the true flavor is to be savored without bastardization. May have many cups in one day. Might hear, “what is the strongest brew you have today” question come from her direction. 
  3. Espresso Girl- Ah, the fun lovin’ European or wanna be culture monger. This is just a side step from the Plain Black Cup girl and may highlight that she works the night shift or heavily addicted. Uses lots of pop-culture references, especially from books. Either way, not an amateur to the game. May mainline smack in her spare time; hold her hand and check the fingers…
  4. Mocha Girl-May not like coffee’s pure form, but ever since her early morning class back in college, she cannot survive without it. May have been a part of a sorority or still in one. May want to discuss her new purse or shoes. For this girl, you may want to check the ID and ask if she is a Jonas Brothers fan. Better indicator of this is to say, Thundercats-if a confused look crosses her face, eject. 
  5. Chai Tea Girl- Mellow. May dislike coffee altogether and say something like, “I enjoy the smell.” Then she may launch into something like, “I always enjoyed the smell of my dads coffee.” Yea, potential for “daddy” issues here. If no such issues are detected, you may hear stories of how she does yoga in order to center her life. As if the mass amounts of ganja doesn’t do that. May not shave! Need I say more? 
  6. Iced Coffee Girl- Is a blending of Mocha Girl and Plain Black Coffee Girl. Fashionable, may be high maintenance, but overall you could look past it. 
  7. Half-Caf, Soy Americano, 2 Sugars, No Fat, No whip, Light Syrup, 145 degrees- Yea, there are people out there that orders this crap. I have no idea what it is and I am betting, the person on the other side of the counter making this abomination, is thinking the same thing. Shoot me! This order is a warning sign that this girl is either supreme high maintenance or psychotic. May want to discuss the newest fashion trends and is concerned with car you drive. Either way avoid at all costs. 

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