Category Archives: Non-Sense

And I bid you Adieu!

It has been a few months since I have posted, well, anything. There is a good reason for this and let me splain youse…

I moved to DC with a hierarchy of goals in mind and at the top of my list graduate school. So, pulled the trigger and moved. Made to the Deez C and hit the ground running. I have now been in the town for a few months and embarked on the psychotic journey that I call my life. I now work 40 hours a week at a job where I do not have internet or the ability to communicate with the outside world, needless to say, I will be finding a new job. I am also taking 3 graduate courses, to include weekend classes as well. Yes, my life is a bit off the chain right now. As I type this my roommates are moving out and I have to find a new joint closer to the city, as well as finding a new car due to the Wolverine incident.

Just JP

I started this blog as a way to keep writing, so not to lose any edge while waiting for classes to begin. Now that I am balls deep in school, I am going to cut this space loose. I enjoyed having an outlet and a place that I can rant, rave, and basically let me be me. I have met some awesome people through this blog and some crazy ass people too. It all comes with the territory I guess. All in all I would not trade it, nor would I do anything different.

JP

I feel this blog was only one side of myself, the nonsensical side, and I am glad that you dropped by to share in it. I would like to leave you with these parting words:

This will be my last confession,
Liberty can leave harsh impressions,
I have little faith forgive me for my past discretions,
But we live and learn that history and past are lessons,
Ive always played the hand I was given,
No exceptions here humanitys driven,
You see all men are born equal, just the standard of living,
That differs between the Jewish, Adriatic and Christian,
Im a logical man given to science,
Forgive me I know religion inspires,The day this is work the love of it dies, A handful make it, the others will strive,
And hunger can drive hatred but such is just life,
I guess jealousys the curse that the struggle inspires,
These critics seek to break and divide,
I know Im bitter but my faith is divine,
Take it in stride yeah I act like I hate it at times,
But I found love through this music and a place to reside,
For every friend I have an eager opponent,
For every cent I spent on meager components,
I gave something back so I dont feel the need for atonement,
Cause we all get our hands dirty when were seizing the moment.

Again, thanks for coming by for the past year or so! Be sure to keep up with me on Twitter, JustJPTweet, so you can keep up with my insanity. If you see me on the streets, just say hi to a guy named JP.
For all the ladies heartbroken and seeking a male perspective on things, check out my friends:

Don’t forget to check out everyone else too!

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Ramble on

The other day I came upon an issue. Now, there have been many things going on in my unemployed life, such as dealing with the insurance company about my car, going out on a few dates, about to start classes, how fucking cold I have been, and working at a bar on the weekends. Those are all seemingly good issues to ramble about, but they are not what I want to discuss today.

The issue I bring forth today is the shaving mishap I had the other night. Now, I know some of my female readers will not understand my plight, then again they may. So, I got the idea of “I want to shave the mustache portion of my goatee” on a whim. This is not uncommon for me to get a wild idea and act on it. It is what makes me, me. Anyways, I put it on twitter that I had this idea and received solid feedback about my possible endeavor.

With the positive feedback fueling my idea, I went into the bathroom and broke out the clippers. Knocked down the mustache and trimmed the sides a bit. However, while shaping the goatee, I went in too far on one side and had to even it up. Well, that didn’t go too well and I had to take the entire thing off.

So, what should have looked like this:

Ended up looking like this:

It is amazing how one slip of the clippers will change the whole look of your face.

What is the problem with this whole mishap? It is fucking cold in DC and now may face is being wind burned by the cold ass wind! Couple that with my inability to fully grow out a beard. Wait, no. Scratch that. I should say my impatience for growing a beard. It should be said at this point that I am envious of guys that can rock out a full beard. Take Zac Brown, lead singer of the Zac Brown band. This guy has a wicked mountain man-esque beard. I mean look at this guy:

Now that is an awesome beard. So, with this all said, I am going to attempt to achieve the Zac Brown style beard. I realize this will take some time and some patience, but I am going to go for it. Call it my delayed new years resolution.

Anyways, this leads me to the second portion of my ramble. If you have not heard the Zac Brown Band before, check them out. Their new album is pretty band good for a bunch of good ol’ boys from Georgia. With that said here is one of their videos…. Enjoy!

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JP goes Viral!

 

 

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Musings of a Mad Man

Imagine if Hunter S. Thompson did win the election to be Sheriff, or Cobra Commander’s world domination plot succeeded and he overthrew G.I. Joe. What if Sleeping Beauty never got her kiss?

 

Why does the American ideal of “good” have to dominate our society so much? Why can’t Connor & Murphy McManus rid Boston of all the evil doer’s in their prescribed manner and not be shunned for their actions? Why is marijuana the scourge of American drug policy?

 

Think about it…

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A Pop Culture Intelligence Briefing

Before I start I have to be upfront with something.

If you couldn’t tell I’m not JP. In fact I’m not even half the man JP is (I read his blog and I’ll easily concede that.)

My name is Patrick and I write a little diddy called The Definitive Dmbosstone. I am a fellow blogger who lives in the DC area and I’ve pretty much been blogging before it was called blogging.

However this is my first guest post, so besides not knowing what to write about, what to title it, and how to start it I think I’m doing good so far.

So I’m really honored and humbled that JP is trusting his online home with me today, so on with the show.

What show? I’ll tell you what show.

The_Soup_Celebs_800x600Two weekends ago I was up in Pittsburgh visiting my friends Melanie and Jim. While I was I up there I took in a baseball game, watched a football game, and discovered where all the undergrads go to party. I also watched a lot of TV- something I don’t get to do when I spend all day producing videos and stage managing shows.

Given the nature of my busy life, I often lose touch with what’s going on in the world of TV and Pop Culture. Until that is, I rediscovered The Soup. I used to remember when The Television recap show was called Talk Soup, but sitting on Melanie’s couch watching Joel McHale‘s humorous take on the latest in boob tube buzz was strangely cathartic. When we followed it up with Style’s knock-off show The Dish, I realized two things:

  1. Danielle Fishel is still totally hot.
  2. I wasn’t just watching TV, I was undergoing a Pop-Culture Intelligence Briefing.

Think about it, thanks to two shows that thrive on ripping the big buzz; I was getting caught up on what the big buzz actually was. After only an hour on the two half hour shows, I was all caught up on what I was missing when I’m not working or stage managing (which is pretty much all the time.) I also found it e1c291de254fc498_Dishso interesting how the two shows are clearly similar: snarky commentators, CGI backgrounds, and canned laughter. While it sounds like a recipe for a crappy show, I actually enjoyed the snarkiness.

So does that mean The Soup and The Dish are going to become must watch shows on my list? Unfortunately not, I’m still too busy to watch any television.

But I want to say that after watching Community the other day, I think The Soup isn’t that bad and if you watch The Soup, you might as well watch The Dish- it’s like getting a double dose of snarky commentary on reality television.

Because you want to make sure you get caught up on all your TV right? Why watch it when you can get all the highlights!

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Beauty is in the eye of… the creeper.

Hey kids of the JP Gospel! GingerMandy here… I’m the first of the week to terrorize JP’s space while he’s gone wherever the hell he is, so I hope I don’t let you guys down. It’s kinda nice over here actually… I’ll just make my way to the fridge and plop down on the couch. We all know he’s got good beer and this cheapass better have Cinemax…

And hey, note to my readers — be polite… take off your shoes. This is a safe place. And don’t shit on the floor. I don’t need you making me look bad.

Anypoop, I’m going to talk today about dating. Internet dating. We all do it… I don’t think there’s very many single 20something bloggers out there that have never tried the internet dating thing. We’re all kind of in our little bubble that makes us hate the regular sheep of society (OK maybe just me) so we rely on the internet to not only spill our thoughts, but hopefully find a partner. Whatever that partner is for may differ, but we’re all doing it.

I wrote awhile ago how I made a dating profile, and would occasionally discuss my interesting experiences, starting with the guy who drunk dialed me before we even had a date, the one that signed all his text messages Batman, and a few others. I guess when I think about it they haven’t been that bad… just… weird. Well, I got a little tired of the same stupid messages from the same idiots that don’t even bother to read your profile that clearly says “if you just say ‘hi how are you’ I probably won’t respond, so try to make your message somewhat creative and put a little effort into it,” and then send you a message saying “hi how are you today,” so I deleted it.

Then I realized I had no blogging material, so I made another one.

Yesterday I received this message:

…i could paint you ..yes i am an artist…i think i would enjoy your spirited values ……and wow ..i am older ..52..single and free..so perhaps sometime soon after we talk …we could hang out for a day……my self …i seek a friend ..a passionate young lover …a companion….a muse………may i ask ..do you paint or draw …since you like or have an interest in art…??..or would you like to learn..??..i hope that this will interest you ….please do send a reply… i would take it as an honor to paint you someday…..

……………………………..sincerely…..robert

First of all, holy ellipsis. Secondly, umm I don’t have a secondly, I just can’t get over the ellipsis. I’d love to have a conversation with this guy though, “Hi Mandyyyyyyyyy *5 second pause* Can I paint youuuuuuuuu *13 second pause* and so on. I bet he’s got a killer blank stare, too. HOT. Where do I sign up?

I couldn’t ignore this, so this is what I responded.

Hey there! So you want to paint me, huh? When you say paint me, do you mean paint a picture of me, or paint my body? Like painting clothes on me?

And this is what I got:

mandy…… of course i ment paint a picture of you………… i am a water color artist …………… let me question this have you been nude for an artist before….??….. it takes a strong women and open minded but you are too beautiful and could do this for me….?… it would be of a great honor… please let me know…… i would love to pose you and create an art of the work that is your body……………………. thank you……..

……………….robert

The “work that is my body.” It is work stuffing it with pop tarts and beer and mini bar burgers, I’m glad someone can appreciate it. This is my kind of art! So I responded with this:

No I have not been nude for an artist before, but let me ask you this…. if you paint me naked, are you going to include my stretch marks and scars? Or can you leave those out? I’d also like you to add some tattoos to the painting of me. I’d like a few more eventually and this would be a good place to experiment. Right?

No response.

Bummer, dude…. I was really hoping for a false nude photo of myself to put up on my dating profile. He could have helped my game.

So who wants to paint this ass?

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You took the jam outta my doughnut!

As I drove into work this morning, I noticed something disturbing. In fact I have noticed this for quite some time, this morning it was just more focal. I am sure it had nothing to do with me stuck in traffic for 45 minutes or anything1, at all. I was starring at a really large SUV with the following items stuck to the back window and body:

  1. A sticker that depicted a boy playing baseball and the name Michael underneath.

  2. A sticker that depicted a girl in with pom-poms and the name Summer underneath.2

  3. A sticker that depicted 2 adult stick figures (male and female), 2 smaller stick figures all holding hands, and a picture of a dog and a cat.3

  4. Multiple “ribbons” for the Navy, God Bless America, and some other one I could not readily make out.

  5. 3 bumper stickers: 1 about how gay their honor student is, 1 about staying off drugs, and 1 about saving the enviroment.

This was all on the back of 1 vehicle. Now, I came to several conclusions about what I saw this morning, but the biggest one being: Mother EFF you! I do not care about all the aspects of your family. Obviously, you lead a very sheltered middle class life and it is everything I loathe about the present state of our fine country. You are probably the type of person that would ask me upon meeting me, “so, what do you do?” Yeah, the entire thing is out of control and here is why:

  1. Something makes me think that your son will not be a professional baseball player. In fact, if he makes it to college, it would be a miracle. I highly suggest not driving by a Catholic Church any time soon with the blatant advertisement that you have a young impressionable son. Yes, that is what that sticker says; Chris Hanson would give you the same lecture. Could you imagine if he wrestled? Yeah…

  2. Wow, basically you are telling the world that your daughter is a future member of the FHA.4 There are at least 100 college freshmen ready to thank you for the good time they will have with her at the frat house. Yes, in this case she makes it to college, only to develop a really bad and expensive coke habit. She would later meet a nice guy who has a soft spot for reformed hookers, they will have 3 kids and later he will leave her for some other cheap piece of ass.5

  3. This one is pretty self explanatory. Who gives a shit? Seriously, wow, you and your partner have 2 fuck trophies6 and some stray animals along the way. I mean where is the creativity. If I was a hitman and had a contract out on these people, it would be too easy, plus I’d probably do it for free.

  4. There are only 2 acceptable7 types of magnetic ribbons: The yellow for the troops and the Pink for the “save the ta-ta’s”. These 2 are compatible, because lets face it the troops need our support and who doesn’t like boobs? The troops like boobs, so you should support both.

  5. Lets break this down piece by piece: Chances that your honor student stays that way, 1 in 5 and them’s is Vegas adds. Say no to drugs? Tell that to your daughter as she does a line off the make-up table8 back stage while the stage mom yells at her to get her skank ass on stage. Finally, you drive an SUV and concerned with the environment? Listen, I drive a town car and yell at little kids, it fits me. You are driving a suburban assault vehicle say’s “I am a massive hypocritical dick-knuckle.” Nouf said.

All in all, I support individual expression. Hell, even the really obnoxious Dolphins fans that cover their car in blue and orange. I get that. But this commercialized family image has me very lost. Hell, how can you support the modern family these days, I mean you can’t even beat your kids with a belt anymore. Please don’t even get me started about the over consumption of the “causes”! I am glad you support a cause, but the money you spent on that ribbon is probably never going to see that charity. Paulo at the flea market thanks you for your support.

I am not bitter9. I just want people to realize that there are some of us out there that would rather put the time and energy into the causes, rather than provide “fake help”10. Well, back to yelling at little kids and harassing the elderly.

1I really hate my current location with the passion of baby Christ, yanno before the Jew’s got all itchy with the crucifix.

2 Let your daughter pick her own stripper name, duh.

3How awesome would it be to see 2 male stick figures. That would mess up the Christian Collation.

4FHA- Future Ho’s of America

5Truly the American dream

6Fuck Trophy- Kids, but no one really wins in this situation

7Actually there are 3. The 3rd is support strippers. Come on single moms need support too!

8Or the preferred method of doing a line off another strippers ass… I have said too much.

9Fuck that I am really bitter about sitting in traffic this morning.

10Where one say’s they will help, but never do anything productive, yet still take credit for the work done.

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