Monthly Archives: October 2010

Rudie don’t Fear

 

4 years ago I decided that I was going to go full force and lock down what I have always wanted to do; get paid to travel and mix it up with the locals. 1 year ago I chose to leave pack up and blow outta town. Thats what I did. I left family, friends, good dive bars, and women behind in the dust. I did this with one goal in mind: Take over as much of DC as possible and hustle like a triple beam ni$$a!.

I arrived during #snowpacalypse after leaving everything and draining my entire savings. No job, no real prospects, and no money. But. But, somehow it all worked out. It always does. Somehow or someway I always pull the wildest shit out at the last minute. However, even though I make it work, I wake up everyday waiting for my world to come crashing down. It is the juxtaposition that is my life. Success v. Darkness. Though, this has always been par for the proverbial course. Think of it this way, I have an awesome job that I fell ass-backwards into, then in 3 months, got a wicked promotion. I earned straight A’s in 3 grad classes while working 40 hours a week and looking for a new place to live. I hustle and just don’t know any better.

JP, why are you tweakin or rambling on about? Simple, I am taking a test (no, not the one that will end me up on Maury) that will allow me to proceed with my “dream” plans. The test that 9 out of 10 people fail their first time. I know this, my friends that have taken before me have laid out what a whore it is…twss. So why am I worked up? I have no idea, but I can pin-point what beer on saturday night that spun my head around about it. I don’t know, I am just freaking out. I want to pass it and get moving with shit. I am freaking out because this is why I moved, this is why I am taking 2 masters and 2 Ph.D. level courses, all the while working 40 hours and making my appearance in a shady neighborhood in the middle of the night. This is why I call DC my home.

The reason I am tweakin, basically, I feel unprepared. I feel that my luck has to be running out. I feel that I have wanted this for so long, that I do not want to be disappointed… or heart broken. I feel that in the past few months I have really been putting myself out there and have not been my usual guarded disgruntled self. I feel I have evolved into someone that I don’t recognize, but respect and could get to like. This test has really put a revolver to my heart and spun the magazine.Dramatic, yes. It is what it is and I am who I am.

So, if you see me out in DC tomorrow night and chances are that you will, just nod your head and act like none of this happen. Hit me with some daps, but keep your lips silent. Always feel free to do a shot.

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