Tag Archives: Coffee

And I bid you Adieu!

It has been a few months since I have posted, well, anything. There is a good reason for this and let me splain youse…

I moved to DC with a hierarchy of goals in mind and at the top of my list graduate school. So, pulled the trigger and moved. Made to the Deez C and hit the ground running. I have now been in the town for a few months and embarked on the psychotic journey that I call my life. I now work 40 hours a week at a job where I do not have internet or the ability to communicate with the outside world, needless to say, I will be finding a new job. I am also taking 3 graduate courses, to include weekend classes as well. Yes, my life is a bit off the chain right now. As I type this my roommates are moving out and I have to find a new joint closer to the city, as well as finding a new car due to the Wolverine incident.

Just JP

I started this blog as a way to keep writing, so not to lose any edge while waiting for classes to begin. Now that I am balls deep in school, I am going to cut this space loose. I enjoyed having an outlet and a place that I can rant, rave, and basically let me be me. I have met some awesome people through this blog and some crazy ass people too. It all comes with the territory I guess. All in all I would not trade it, nor would I do anything different.

JP

I feel this blog was only one side of myself, the nonsensical side, and I am glad that you dropped by to share in it. I would like to leave you with these parting words:

This will be my last confession,
Liberty can leave harsh impressions,
I have little faith forgive me for my past discretions,
But we live and learn that history and past are lessons,
Ive always played the hand I was given,
No exceptions here humanitys driven,
You see all men are born equal, just the standard of living,
That differs between the Jewish, Adriatic and Christian,
Im a logical man given to science,
Forgive me I know religion inspires,The day this is work the love of it dies, A handful make it, the others will strive,
And hunger can drive hatred but such is just life,
I guess jealousys the curse that the struggle inspires,
These critics seek to break and divide,
I know Im bitter but my faith is divine,
Take it in stride yeah I act like I hate it at times,
But I found love through this music and a place to reside,
For every friend I have an eager opponent,
For every cent I spent on meager components,
I gave something back so I dont feel the need for atonement,
Cause we all get our hands dirty when were seizing the moment.

Again, thanks for coming by for the past year or so! Be sure to keep up with me on Twitter, JustJPTweet, so you can keep up with my insanity. If you see me on the streets, just say hi to a guy named JP.
For all the ladies heartbroken and seeking a male perspective on things, check out my friends:

Don’t forget to check out everyone else too!

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Filed under Booze, Foxy Friday, Friends, Life, Non-Sense

Don’t mess with my routine

So it has almost been a week since I have been on mainly due to a crazy work schedule, but also my own devices. I had to unplug my brain for a hot minute. Then, yesterday happened! Let me marinate your brains with some flavor…

Many of us have a routine in the morning, some are more rigorous and complex than others. Personally, mine is more of a comfort issue and not so much a necessity; however, change one thing in my line up and my brain falls apart. Take these fine observances for example:

  • What the hell is this? Antiques? Where is my BBC World New’s? I want my worldly updates with a British wit and sarcasm, not fucking antiques. Oh well, time for Sports Center!
  • Holy hell, how did it get so damn cold so fast. Yesterday I was sweating my balls off and today my boys are going to get frost bite, what the hell?
  • If this chick taps her brakes one more time I swear I will ram my Lincoln straight up her ass!
  • Why must women people speak to me in the morning? Nothing of significance has happened since last night that I need a pre-coffee update. Now, piss off.
  • Yes, I am in a bad mood (see reasons above) and I hate Dr. Phil. So what are your chances that I will be nice to you while you ask me “whats wrong”? You, you are whats wrong.
  • I feel my inner ninja poised for attack.
  • That’s it! I am taking my toys and going home…

I realized that this blog is a nice outlet and comes in handy to release my bottled up energy. Bear with me for a bit I am trying to accomplish a few things that require some kind of attention span. With that said, here is the line up for the rest of the week:

TMI Thursday: Where we explore the world of farts; mainly because my ER stories are grossing people out.

Friday Holy Hale of an Ale: I will be reviewing 3, that’s right 3, seasonal Ales; Dogfish Head’s Black and Blue and Fort along with Lagunitas’ Hop Stoopid Farm House Ale.

I will also be making an appearance over at the PQNation as well.

Enjoy!

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Filed under Life

Lets talk medicine

This seems to be a favorite topic of people that meet me and find out my old profession. No, not a hooker slut, though we will get to that. I was and still am, a medic. I worked for a very busy level 1 trauma center fixing broken people. Yes, the first face you saw was my smiling mug (depending on if you  interrupted my nap) when brought in all mangled. This is here nor there. I am continually asked, “what is the worst thing I have seen?” Well, that is very subjective because I have seen some things that would scare Elton John straight. After experiencing this for years, I figured out what  people mean is, “what is funny and won’t give me nightmares after you tell me?”  Well here a few things you may not know about people that work in the ER:

  • Years of medical knowledge and an extreme grasp of pharmacology will eventually lead you to figure out what anyone has or is being treated for, rather quickly. This is useful when going back to a dates house and seeing pill bottles. These magic bottles are like a road map; know how to read them and you will stay clear of trouble.
  • You start collecting x-ray’s of interesting “foreign bodies/objects” found in a human. Because your friend won’t believe you sent an 80 year old male to surgery secondary to a 9 inch (circumference) sex plug in the colon, with out x-ray proof.
  • People that work in the ER like to gamble. On anything. My favorite was a 5 dollar buy in, on a fun game of “guess the blood alcohol content.” We would get everyone in on this. I especially like getting the cops that brought said drunk in, to get in on the action. My buddy Speedy Doc was really good at it, but now that I think of it, he did do his residency in Chicago and that  was an unfair advantage. Or, play guess that foreign body, where you would bet on what the mystery object in the film was. Closest won the pot.
  • 85% of ER employees have some kind of vice. Booze, caffeine, or sex. 50% of that combine all 3 in one good rippin ER party.
  • Any ER is an incestuously tight knit community. Everyone was sleeping with everyone. I had a slight edge being on all the code teams, cause I could roam the halls and hang out with the other departments.
  • Travel nurses; like shooting fish in a barrel.
  • Did I mention some of the craziest parties were thrown by nurses. I took my friend to one and warned her things might get a little crazy; she should have listened to me. She still brings up the hot tub like it was something out of an opening scene to a porno.
  • You can eventually do CPR and crack really bad jokes at the same time. Matter in fact if you cannot laugh at an old corpse with huge implants, its time to find a new job.
  • I once put my friend in a body bag at 3 am and called for the pick up services. When they lifted him off the table he moved his arms and legs; they dropped him on the ground and ran screaming like little girls. It was awesome! Seriously laughed my ass off for days.
  • I have gone into work hung over at  7 pm.
  • You at one point you may see a corpse waving at you. (All the newbies get this treatment)
  • If you are hung over pop in an IV of lactated ringers (you have to do it yourself or your are considered a pussy) and hook up some O2. You will feel like a champ in 1/2 an hour.
  • I know people that hooked up at work.
  • You have not lived until you have gone “stretcher surfing.”
  • Yes, fucking with a kid that is on acid, at 4 am, is as fun as it sounds. Even funnier, is when you hide behind a corner and jump out in front of the door, then jump back. If they scream, you calming walk in asking what the problem is, like nothing ever happened.

Last but certainly not least:

  • Valtrex, no matter how much you take will not prevent you from getting a case of the nasties. I treated a lot of strippers that claimed this miracle drug failed them. Oh, and the vag seems to be a convenient storage place for money for hookers, so I hear.

Remember  Scrubs is pretty damn realistic. In fact blend Scrubs with Hopkins and you would have my old stomping grounds. ER workers really do care, but the stress will make one do very bizare things. I suggest watching Bringing out the Dead. It may explain my logic a bit better.

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Filed under Life

Let me peek at your soul

Every once in a while you can get a glimpse of  a persons mentality or even see what kind of human they really are. Our species is self righteous and narcissistic by nature. You might be asking yourself, “JP when can I see what a person is really like, without even having to speak to them?” Well my friend, when someone is placing an order. A more poignant and highlighted example is when someone places an order  at Starbucks. 

I have always touted this theory amongst friends, swearing that I could narrow someone down in the matter of a few seconds. Matter in fact Starbucks is one of my favorite places to do a first date or what I like to call the “interview”. Not because it is just quiet, mellow, and a good cup of joe, but for the pure pleasure of hearing my date say, “I would like.” This simple phrase will surmise what the next few minutes or hours will bring–depending on if I answer my bailout call or not. You can do this as well. You just need to be armed with the proper information. So, for the purpose of enlightenment I will share the orders and the repercussions as I have seen and experienced. **This is referring to females, however the gender roles can be re-assigned with the same effects. This is assuming the date is at night. Please note this is coming from a purely male perspective and all corrections are welcome.**

  1. Decaf Girl- There are a few ways to go with this one. A) Agreed to meet you, but has no further plans for the evening. B) 7th day Adventist; time to bail anyways. C) Recovering addict; just need to push her in the right direction.
  2. Plain Black Coffee Girl- This is my kind of girl. Straightforward, low-stress, and to the point. Knows that the true flavor is to be savored without bastardization. May have many cups in one day. Might hear, “what is the strongest brew you have today” question come from her direction. 
  3. Espresso Girl- Ah, the fun lovin’ European or wanna be culture monger. This is just a side step from the Plain Black Cup girl and may highlight that she works the night shift or heavily addicted. Uses lots of pop-culture references, especially from books. Either way, not an amateur to the game. May mainline smack in her spare time; hold her hand and check the fingers…
  4. Mocha Girl-May not like coffee’s pure form, but ever since her early morning class back in college, she cannot survive without it. May have been a part of a sorority or still in one. May want to discuss her new purse or shoes. For this girl, you may want to check the ID and ask if she is a Jonas Brothers fan. Better indicator of this is to say, Thundercats-if a confused look crosses her face, eject. 
  5. Chai Tea Girl- Mellow. May dislike coffee altogether and say something like, “I enjoy the smell.” Then she may launch into something like, “I always enjoyed the smell of my dads coffee.” Yea, potential for “daddy” issues here. If no such issues are detected, you may hear stories of how she does yoga in order to center her life. As if the mass amounts of ganja doesn’t do that. May not shave! Need I say more? 
  6. Iced Coffee Girl- Is a blending of Mocha Girl and Plain Black Coffee Girl. Fashionable, may be high maintenance, but overall you could look past it. 
  7. Half-Caf, Soy Americano, 2 Sugars, No Fat, No whip, Light Syrup, 145 degrees- Yea, there are people out there that orders this crap. I have no idea what it is and I am betting, the person on the other side of the counter making this abomination, is thinking the same thing. Shoot me! This order is a warning sign that this girl is either supreme high maintenance or psychotic. May want to discuss the newest fashion trends and is concerned with car you drive. Either way avoid at all costs. 

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Filed under Non-Sense