Monthly Archives: February 2009

On your marks, get set, brew!

Once again it is time for the Sam Adams Longshot competition. Last year I entered in the French/Belgium ale catagory, sub-class Saison. This has been my pet project for a year now ever since I received the results from my last entry. The cool thing abut this competition is the judges are brutal and don’t let much slip by them. Let me highlight a few comments from the judges about my beer last year:

Would pay money for this beer.

Excellent job on the dry finish.

Good complexity and fermentation, just needs a bit more tart.

I scored an overall 38 out of 50 which equates to an excellent rating. 45-50 is outstanding and will put you in the winners circle. So, the big problem I have run into is the acidity or “tartness” of this style beer. While I was in DC I went to a home brew shop with a very knowledgable staff, that turned me onto an acidic-malt. Hopefully this will do the job.

Oh yea!

Oh yea!

Right now I have 5 gallons of this awesome brew cooking away in my closet. I am excited. But, I think everyone should join in on this. I know what you are thinking, but  it is cheap and easy (like me) and above all fun. You do not have to be a bio-chemist, but an understanding of how bacteria works does help.

Cooking up something good

Cooking up something good

If you have ever thought about brewing you own beer I suggest starting off light. Go with a small kit like Mr. Beer, which is what I started with and I learned how everything works. Plus, if you screw up a batch, you are not wasting 60 bucks and 5 gals. of beer. Trust me its not fun when this happens. In fact what I like to do now is slip in a couple of home brews into a cooler at a party and see the reaction. If people like it, the recipe stays, if not well, out it goes.  I have been thinking about joining a brewing club once my roots are planted. Also, I may have to cast out an invite for a “taste testing” session for those bloggers over the age of 21. Who knows, maybe one day I will have my own brew pub! Hell, even the big guys started out small.



Filed under Booze

Oh, it’s like that

Welcome to TMI Thursdays: Today we focus on the kind of girl JP likes to date…


I have always said that I like my girls to be a bit off. Crazy, but not emotional. Meaning you may have to sleep with one eye open because you might get stabbed kind of girl. When I say this no one really understands what I am talking aboot (that was for our Canadian friends). So, to highlight my kind of girl I thought I would start out with a more mild story, one about a girl I met while surprisingly working in the ER. *Rachel.

I met *Rachel when she first started working in the ER a mild manner soft spoken petite brunette. To be honest I wasn’t that into her at first, but like all good players of the game, I proceeded to get her number. You know, just in case. Well, just so happened that I had moved in to a new place and needed help moving two items that were too awkward to carry by just one person. I called everyone to help me, everyone. When I got no response from the A-list I went to the B-list. Dialed *Rachel and told her my plight and asked for some assistance. She reluctantly obliged. Yet, promptly rolled over to my joint.

She helped me get the items in the house and then we of course started drinking whiskey as a reward for our hard work. This is where the fun began. The pad was a wreck and there things all over the house, yet enough space to dance to Sublime. (side note: Dancing to Sublime has worked several times. I am not sure if it is my dancing skills or the music that seduces the ladies. An experiment should be done.) While dancing I noticed that the mood shifted and she began to, well, “get her grind on.” What was I to do? I could not in good conscious let her go satisfied. We took it back to the room and this is exactly what she said, “I am a little nervous, its been a while. Put some Pantera or something like them on.”  

So, after that night she became this pseudo-one nighter that kept coming back. Would seriously call me and say, “hey baby can I come over tonight, I will bring the whiskey?”  I would of course say what the hell swing on by. Now remember she was attractive, very attractive, but i quickly found out she was a bit off. How did I find this out you may ask? Well, here is the icing on the cake:

I could do no wrong with this girl, there were no boundaries. One night my roommate and I left work around 11 (yes we all worked together) and he said lets go downtown and get a few beers. I was of course always wasted at this time game for the adventure. Long story short, he got really hammered and started a fight and I had to throw him out of the bar to prevent him from getting arrested. After I tossed him out, I went after him because he had the car keys. As I was chasing (sober) him I stepped into a pot hole and broke my ankle. A snap was heard and I hit the ground. By this time I am fuming pissed about the whole thing and now I had to go back to work, to get my ankle fixed. Guess who else was working that night? That’s right, *Rachel. Who was not that excited that I had left in the first place.

So, find out it is broken and the doc told me *Rachel would be in to set it. Thats right, for you watching at home  the only person in the joint who was splinting and casting, was the girl that I had pissed off. Not only that, but I decided in my moment of clarity, that she was not doing it right. Guys, here is a JP lesson learned. Do not piss off a girl that you are sleeping with, who is also fixing you broken ankle. Lets just say she swiftly let me know who was in charge. Finally, we are done and my ankle is back in the right place, after taking a few wrong turns I might add. We headed out to the car with the passed out roommate.

While on the way out to the car I convinced *Rachel that she should get off work early and come take care of me. I mean I was on her way home. Seriously, I thought I would never see her again, but at 5:30 in the am she came rolling through. I remember her standing in the door way and asking if I was okay, when I replied yes, she called me an asshole. Then stripped down and proceeded to take care of me. Proper. 

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a small example of why I like my girls tattooed and slightly off. They don’t judge and neither do I.


P.S. My ankle is still screwed up 4 years later. Ahh, the gift of lasting love.


*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. 


Filed under Life


There is something to be said about sleeping in until 11:45 on a Wednesday morning. This is a sign that I needed a holiday bad! What a holiday it was. If you have been following me for a bit the assumption could be made, that I had my head up my ass and was a bit of a downer. I couldn’t break out of my funk and believe you me I tried. I think the past few days helped me realize that all my hard work is about to pay off.

During my holiday I met incredible people and everyone I spoke with was very helpful in my quest. Even people that had no part of this quest were supportive and helpful. This was very refreshing to go to a new (yet familiar) place and be treated so well. Now, I can’t really reveal what I have cooking just yet. Lets just say my world is going to change; location, mentality, and hopefully pay scale. 

Now that I have returned to 70 degree weather I have been able to reflect a moment. Today I am refreshed and ready to go.So, if you met, saw, or spoke with JP in the past 7 days you had a direct part in helping get out of my funk. For that, I want to say thank you! Thank you very much, you truly helped someone who was ready to call it a day. 


P.S. Tomorrow is TMI Thursday and I will tell you a little story.


Filed under Life

My liver hurts because of you…

Friday night I pulled the trigger and cruised down to Martin to meet everyone for the blogger happy hour. Let’s just say I was very happy. As I type I am unsure how to explain the evening, further more explain how I went from zero to outright tanked in less then an hour. I was warned that these events get out of hand; boobs are shown or people end up in the bathroom doing funny things, but I truly did not believe them. Then I met the following people:

  • Lemmonex– Co-organizer of the event and stunning beauty. She made sure everyone was properly introduced and had a libation in their hands. She disappeared at one point and I heard she went home due to intoxication. I hope she survived. 
  • Arjewtino-The man, the myth, the legend. Co-organizer of the event and a man of style. He was on point all night and made sure everyone was properly set up. This guy was cracking me up all night and had a very profound outlook on life. 
  • Jolee 724-This girl is responsible for my head ache the next day. We did ass loads (hehe) of whiskey shots and pounded countless beers. This girl looks all sweet and innocent, but she is a strong arm assassin. She was  great wing girl. Cusses like a sailor and drinks like a mick. In fact she had some friends there I was talking to earlier in the night and then ran into them on the metro home. I am not sure what I said to them, but their faces told me I was done for the night. 
  • I hate so much–  This girl was awesome. Some one may or may not have a picture of me with my face buried in her chest; for warmth people it was cold as shit outside. One could say she was an instigator of shots along with Jolee 724. Definitely a hard core girl.
  • Desiree– This pixie snuck up on me, pulled me aside and kind of killed my game with this one girl. Its cool though because she introduced me to her squad. Really cool group of people and had a blast hanging with them. BTW, she actually kind of saved me from the girl I was talking with, because she was really stuck up and a pain in the ass. Thanks for the save!
  • Big Money Tony– Cool kat. Really mellow I didn’t get to talk with him as much, but still a good guy to know.
  • Francobeans– This is one enlightened kat. He and his girl were awesome to hang with. We were going to get pancakes the next day, but well, I was way too hung over. Next time my friend, next time. 
  • Deutlich– This girl was a solider! Straight up warrior. She was rockin a hot dress in like 20 degree weather. By the time I arrived, like 815 she was looking a little hammered. Well, she was really hammered! Arjewtino and I had to hold her up for a bit of the night. But, she hung in there like a champ. Strong work girl. 

I have to say I met so many cool people that night. Chocolate Bear and I were way wasted and I forgot a lot of interactions and heard shennagians may have been called once or twice. My parting story that sums up my drinking with DC Bloggers has to do with the ride home. I got on the train headed back to Vienna and saw a girl in a yellow skirt. It was like 20 degrees outside and she was wearing an outfit you would see in Orlando in the summer. I looked over at my sister and said, “damn, that girl is hot.” She promptly replied, “her face is fucked up. You can’t drink her pretty!” I said, “well I think I just did.” Yea folks I was done. 

I have to say even though I had a massive hangover I ended up at the Dogfishhead brew pub and had their hotdog and a flight of beers. This promptly put me back on the map and I partied with friends until 3 am Sunday morning. This weekend I have realized, I am going to chillax for a bit. Can’t wait until the next one!

P.S. I left a lot of cool people out of this post, because, well my memory is a bit patchy. If you ran into me drop me a line I will make sure you get the credit you deserve! Thanks!


Filed under Friends

Oh my gawd! Seriously!

Welcome to JP’s TMI Thursday. This one is dedicated to LiLu, I promised her a good one!


The road trip edition: I am on the road and will comment later, enjoy the post.


So, about 10 years ago I was 18 and lets say a little burnt. Too much sun, surf, and ink. I met this really cute figure skater Jamie at the end of my senior year of high school. She was a freak! The kind of girl that is a shy reserved girl on your arm and make you blush in the bedroom. 

It all started on summer night after a trip to the hot tub, Jamie and I headed back to my house. I was 18, just graduated and living with my parents. We got back to my house and well did what all teens that age do; crack a beer and load the surfboards in the truck. For some reason, me shirtless with fresh ink and sweaty from the hot tub and loading equipment triggered something in this young lady, more than I can explain. She suggested we go to my room and “talk.” I can honesty say, not much talking ensued.

Jamie and I were getting quite close as young lovers do, but remember I am 18 and have more mastery over big waves then the female libido. Jamie and I were getting closer by the minute, clothes strewn about and temperature rising. In fact I recall her asking me, “how did I end up naked so fast?” Well, see, thats where things went pear shaped. See Jamie really liked me, and I liked her, but she liked it, well rough.

As things got going in the hard core porn sense, she looks up at me and with a serious face asks the following

Jamie: JP?

JP: slightly out of breath- Yes?

Jamie: Will you do me in the ass?

JP: Huh? (pulls weird face) What?

Jamie: Will you do me in the ass and pull my hair? (serious face)

JP: (remember 18 at the time) Umm, I don’t really get down like that. 

This is where it got weird:

Jamie: Well, can I do you in the ass then? (again, very serious face)

JP: (even more confused) What!

Jamie: Can I do you in the ass then?

JP: ( decides that a stupid question is in order) Lol, (awkward laugh) well, how will you do that?

Yes, I asked! I asked how this really hot figure skater would proceed to get down in brown town. Only because I could not comphrernd the question posed. This is what happened next:

Jamie: Well, I would get my strap on (as if it was readily avialable) and do you from behind.

JP: What? (thinks he is stoned and misinterperted the message) Are you serious?

Jamie: Yea, I think it would be hot. I really like it like that.

JP: Are you fucking with me? (starting to worry)

Jamie: No, seriously I want to do it.

So, as I pondered this transaction all I could think was bail. The. Fuck. Out. Now! And so I did. Yes, I bailed out like a bolt of lightening. Yes, I left a naked girl that threatened asked to do me in the ass, in my parents house. Where did I go you may ask? My buddy Dave’s house. The only guy that met her and would understand why I would be at his house telling him how I almost got violated by my girlfriend.

So, what happened to Jamie? I have no idea. I fucked off, plain and simple. I did call her later and told her I has issues. I left out the small detail of she was a crazy ass broad and I valued my ass virginity; all in all she took it quite well. She cried and told me I was the one. Naw, no issues there. Yea, I pick the winners. 

Moral of this story: I suck! Come on, aside from the threat of my ass virginity (still in tact for those viewing at home) she was an awesome girlfriend. She liked it nasty and was on the low about it. Seriously, I can’t find a girl like that these days. It is always easier to look back on things and judge the situation.

Which brings me to my next point. JP needs a date (or 2) for the bloggers crush happy hour event. I will be rolling in 6 strong and would love to have my blog crush/stalker to join me. Come on down to Marvin’s DC around 8, or join me earlier, just drop me an email. Hope to see you all soon!


Filed under TMI Thursday

Facebook Friends

The other day I was checking the good ol’ Facebook and noticed I had a friend request from an unlikely individual. See, the last time I saw this person I was hammered and in a more upscale gentleman’s club located just outside the hood. It seems that if you graduated from my the high school and did not go to college, your only alternative career choice was to become a stripper. Yes, I ran into a girl from high school as she was giving another dude a lap dance. And she starred at me the whole time.

So the great debate began. Do I accept a stripper request? How many stripper friends is too much? Will she ever make a comment like, “JP what up kid? Hey when you last saw me, did my ass have enough glitter on it?” Will she spill our dirty secrets or is she still bound by strip club honor? Yes, I seriously had this debate while starring at her photo asking me to be her friend. Let the record reflect I love strippers and feel that they make the world a special place. In fact I have a “support strippers” magnetic ribbon on my fridge at home and believe in it. So why the debate? Because I feel weird about paying money to see a friend get naked. Seriously, if you are my true friend, I should be seeing the goods for free! This may or may not occur sober, all depends on the kind of friendship we have set up. Secondly, I have known some strippers in my day, even dated one. When you work the night shift at a busy ER, your clients are the wasted, dying, and service industry folks. I have taken care of many club owners, bouncers, patrons, and yes those acrobatic angels of the pole. Even time I took care of one of these folks, they felt compelled to tell me about all the wild and wonderful happenings that occur in the club.

Let me paint you a bolder picture of being a health care worker and a man about town. About 7 years ago my good friend who is also an attending in the ER got married. We of course had an awesome bachelors party for him and terrorized the local nudie joints. About 2 weeks later I was working with my buddy and one of our patients that evening was a beautiful young girl that looked really familiar. That kind of familiar where you are too far away to realize who it is, but don’t want to look creepy and stare. Half hour later my buddy grab me and pulls me aside and the conversation went like this:

B- Dude remember that one really hot girl from my party, the one that you and surfer dude kept buying lap dances from?

JP- Yea. Dude, she was spectacular!

B- Yea, about that. She is here as a patient.

JP- Bullshit!

B- And I just had to do a pelvic exam on her, she thinks she got the clap.

JP- Get fucked. Seriously?

B- As a heart attack.

Surfer dude come walking by during this time.

JP- SD do you…Tells the story to SD.

SD- Ohh Shit.

JP- What?

SD- I ended up hooking up with that girl.


SD- Dude, I am kind of freaked out.

JP- As you should be.

Moral of this story?

Yea, strippers are cool and I dig them. But, no matter how hot they are, you can’t be real friends with them. They will always bring their A game and you cannot compete with that. And starring at your friend shake her ass for YOUR money is strange. The bonus to this scenario is of course hot stripper friends. If you take them out to the bar, well my friend, you have brought the best currency there is; Stripper ass! And the drinks shall be just as free as the girls on 2-4-1 night.

BTW- I accepted her request, because thats how I roll!

Stay tuned for TMI Thursday tomorrow…


Filed under Life

Junkies rush

I have come to the conclusion that I am a complete and utter junkie. Adrenaline is my drug. I recently watched a special on the brain and how epinephrine receptors work when placed in stressful situations. Norepinephrine is released into the brain when placed in a “fight or flight” situation, which gives the individual the “adrenaline rush.”  Why do I even bring this up? Because like smack (so I hear from junkies), each time you receive this rush, you need to do something more exciting and extreme to get the release.

I started thinking about this release theory while I was getting tattooed. Usually, I get really nervous and get a rush right before the needle hits the skin; the rush is good. Mild euphoria, senses heightened and time starts to slow. This time, it wasn’t as strong, even with needles going into my armpit. The special I speak about was focused on base jumping: this is where one jumps off a cliff with a parachute. Each time the person jumps, they will wait longer to pull the cord, thus increasing the release of epinephrine.

It seems I have been struggling with this “addiction” my whole life. Surfing, skating, running into burning buildings (fire fighting), racing, piercings, working trauma, each time I take an up a “hobby” it gets more extreme. It has manifested into the newest ink addiction, in which I have collected 50 + hours, but as they say, “the thrill is gone.” I can unscientifically hypothesize about his as well. Ask anyone that more than 2 tattoos and 80% of them will say, yea I would like to get more, there addictive.

This brings me to my thought while I was having many tiny  needles dragged over the very fragile epidermis of my armpit. I need a new addiction hobby. I have recently pondered the idea of sky or scuba diving. My friend that has done a majority of my artwork, is an avid skydiver and he has me convinced that I need a new rush trigger. The problem is I am not sure what will be the cessation of said impulse; that and I am really cheap. So, I think I am going to take up running.

Running is something I have always hated. Boring is how I would describe it. But, each time I would run during training or run in school for a myriad of reasons, I would get a nice rush. So, with that said I think I will try something new and break out of my rut, while pumping my body full of it’s own glorious naturally intoxicating drug; my friend adrenaline! Seriously, is it wrong to punish your body in the pursuit of pleasure?


Filed under Life