Tag Archives: slightly off but not damaged

Trippin in Babylon with a stumble, but not a fall…

Ever had one of those days when you wake up and your brain feels like lead and not due to a hangover? A day when all the thoughts of a week come crashing in on you? Where serious life choices are now at the forefront of the dome? That my friends is today for me. I feel twitchier than a meth head needing a fix and about as squirrely as a hooker waiting for their test results. Usually, I am pretty good about keeping my head together, but today I feel sorry for and apologize in advance to, all that talk to me. I do not make sense, yet I am methodical and calculating.

I have a massive decision to make and it needs to be made in the next few weeks. While stuck on the rock in the middle of the Caribbean, I about drove myself insane wrestling with this issue. Normally, I do not talk about my struggle with ADD nor do I even let it come up in conversation; however, today it has really taken the best of me. helpguide.org elequolently points out the main contention of this disorder, “while in children, hyperactivity is often displayed as constant squirming and moving, in adults it may be more of a constant feeling of restlessness and agitation. Extreme procrastination, disorganization, trouble making deadlines, and impulsive behavior is common. While most of us have challenges in these areas, someone with Adult ADD/ADHD has these problems constantly, in good times and in bad, and often to the despair of loved ones.”

They go on to say, “… there can also be positive traits associated with this condition. Impulsivity, boundless energy and the tendency to switch tracks constantly may manifest itself as creativity, flexibility, the ability to rapidly adapt to new information or tremendous drive and commitment. One trait common to ADD/ADHD is hyperfocus, the ability to focus intensely and exclusively on one specific problem to the exclusion of all else, which can lead to creative breakthroughs if harnessed.” The truth is endless in this statement! What they fail to mention is that your brain will become fixated and cycle in a loop, until you hav e driven yourself or everyone else crazy with the same thought process. This often makes for very awkward conversations.

I do have “the ability to focus intensely and exclusively on one specific problem to the exclusion of all else,” which is the soul root of my issue today. I cannot deviate from it. I haven’t slept in a few days and have been way off the reservation. I have briefly discussed this with someone I trust, but there is an underlying issue all in itself. I would never normally talk about this issue publicly, but for the sanity of others, I had to get it off my chest today.

If you do talk to me today and I seem a bit off or way too fucking intense, know it is not you. Know that I have to pull the trigger on something that scares the shit out of me and my struggle is a bit intense. For those reading this, the struggle is all positive, either thing I decide, it will still be a step in the right direction, maybe a bump in the road or two, but still on course.

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Oh, it’s like that

Welcome to TMI Thursdays: Today we focus on the kind of girl JP likes to date…

 

I have always said that I like my girls to be a bit off. Crazy, but not emotional. Meaning you may have to sleep with one eye open because you might get stabbed kind of girl. When I say this no one really understands what I am talking aboot (that was for our Canadian friends). So, to highlight my kind of girl I thought I would start out with a more mild story, one about a girl I met while surprisingly working in the ER. *Rachel.

I met *Rachel when she first started working in the ER a mild manner soft spoken petite brunette. To be honest I wasn’t that into her at first, but like all good players of the game, I proceeded to get her number. You know, just in case. Well, just so happened that I had moved in to a new place and needed help moving two items that were too awkward to carry by just one person. I called everyone to help me, everyone. When I got no response from the A-list I went to the B-list. Dialed *Rachel and told her my plight and asked for some assistance. She reluctantly obliged. Yet, promptly rolled over to my joint.

She helped me get the items in the house and then we of course started drinking whiskey as a reward for our hard work. This is where the fun began. The pad was a wreck and there things all over the house, yet enough space to dance to Sublime. (side note: Dancing to Sublime has worked several times. I am not sure if it is my dancing skills or the music that seduces the ladies. An experiment should be done.) While dancing I noticed that the mood shifted and she began to, well, “get her grind on.” What was I to do? I could not in good conscious let her go satisfied. We took it back to the room and this is exactly what she said, “I am a little nervous, its been a while. Put some Pantera or something like them on.”  

So, after that night she became this pseudo-one nighter that kept coming back. Would seriously call me and say, “hey baby can I come over tonight, I will bring the whiskey?”  I would of course say what the hell swing on by. Now remember she was attractive, very attractive, but i quickly found out she was a bit off. How did I find this out you may ask? Well, here is the icing on the cake:

I could do no wrong with this girl, there were no boundaries. One night my roommate and I left work around 11 (yes we all worked together) and he said lets go downtown and get a few beers. I was of course always wasted at this time game for the adventure. Long story short, he got really hammered and started a fight and I had to throw him out of the bar to prevent him from getting arrested. After I tossed him out, I went after him because he had the car keys. As I was chasing (sober) him I stepped into a pot hole and broke my ankle. A snap was heard and I hit the ground. By this time I am fuming pissed about the whole thing and now I had to go back to work, to get my ankle fixed. Guess who else was working that night? That’s right, *Rachel. Who was not that excited that I had left in the first place.

So, find out it is broken and the doc told me *Rachel would be in to set it. Thats right, for you watching at home  the only person in the joint who was splinting and casting, was the girl that I had pissed off. Not only that, but I decided in my moment of clarity, that she was not doing it right. Guys, here is a JP lesson learned. Do not piss off a girl that you are sleeping with, who is also fixing you broken ankle. Lets just say she swiftly let me know who was in charge. Finally, we are done and my ankle is back in the right place, after taking a few wrong turns I might add. We headed out to the car with the passed out roommate.

While on the way out to the car I convinced *Rachel that she should get off work early and come take care of me. I mean I was on her way home. Seriously, I thought I would never see her again, but at 5:30 in the am she came rolling through. I remember her standing in the door way and asking if I was okay, when I replied yes, she called me an asshole. Then stripped down and proceeded to take care of me. Proper. 

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a small example of why I like my girls tattooed and slightly off. They don’t judge and neither do I.

 

P.S. My ankle is still screwed up 4 years later. Ahh, the gift of lasting love.

 

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. 

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