Monthly Archives: July 2009

Donkey Kong doesn’t even know the scope of how on it is.

First off, sorry for laying the heavy post on you yesterday. I needed to get it out of my system before it ate me alive. Now, on to more pressing issues…

Okay, I will be MIA all next week because my calender is stacked full of insanity. I have like 3 dinners to go to, girl I have been seeing is leaving, a wake, a funeral, road trip to my house, a job interview to rock out and a Happy Hour to crash; hosted by the ever sexy Lexa and LiLu an the awesome Restaurant Refugee. Don’t forget to tip your servers!

Hosted By Lexa, LiLu, and Restaurant Refugee

Hosted By Lexa, LiLu, and Restaurant Refugee

So, if you want to catch up and chat with or hell even meet with, yours truly, come on by. I will be reprezentin in full effect that night. Hell, we may even do some puma hunting. So, come by and lose your face! Don’t worry, you can aways plead da 1, 2, 3, 4,  FIF!!!

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Pour one out for your hommies

Unfortunately, this post is appropriately titled. I received some bad news today about a friend of mine that died while lobster diving. Early news says it was a pulmonary embolism, which can, well, wreck your day. This hit me pretty hard and I am feeling uneasy about  this as this is my 3rd friend just this year. I have a very strange and weird relationship with death and no longer ask “why?”

Yoni- Knew this guy from high school and we used to surf together. Cool dude. Tattoo artist and had 2 kids and a wife he very much loved. I never knew he had issues, until I got the call that he threw himself off a bridge. How did I feel? Indifferent and sad. Sad that he went out that way. Not because he was dead, just because he had so much potential ahead of him.

Adam- A guy I grew up with. Surfed with. Worked with. Killed on his motorcycle when hit by a drunk driver. He was 25. Just started his own business and had a great girlfriend. I got a call from our former boss to tell me the news. How did I feel? Disbelief and anger. Angry that this woman pulled out in front of him and took him out. He was just getting going.

Shane- I’ve known Shane for about 8 years. He was a fellow firefighter for the city I worked in and he was my preceptor when I did my rotations during EMS/Fire school. I also worked with his wife on the night shift in the ER. In fact, I remember when they started dating and when they got married. I wish I could be half the man Shane was. I got the text message at work. In fact I was chatting with a friend when it rolled though. How do I feel? Really upset. A strange sadness has hit me.

Why would this death be different? Simple, the fire and emergency services community is like a gang. You cannot get out. Even if someone in that gang hates you, if you are in trouble, they would step up to help. Shane’s wife and I worked almost the same shift for 7 years. In fact we worked so well together, that we always made sure we were together, especially when we were assigned to trauma or “fast track.” We knew what needed to be done and we always had each others back. We were not BFF, but we were down. The kind of down that no words needed to be spoken. She was a constant supporter of anything I did, giving me words of encouragement. She also would break my balls if I stepped out of line and had no problem telling me what was up.

How does this relate to Shane? Simple, my friend fiercely loved him. The woman that had my back for 7 years is now in pain and I can do nothing about it. The medical examiner will not let her see his body. She is in pain and I feel for her. For once, all I can offer my friend is the same generic condolences we offered our patients… it kills me! I am getting to a point in my life where I am seriously thinking about my future in every possible way. What if my wife was taken from me, I wouldn’t want generic “I am sorry’s.” Plus, from day one in school you are told you will die. To die in service and with your brothers in the most honorable thing you can ever do. If you happen to make it to retirement, you will probably die from something you picked up during your term of service; cancer, mesothelioma, hepatitis, anything. Your death would be honored. To be taken out by a PE, that is tough one to take. It hits you with no consolation prize. No epic saga of your deeds. Robbed.

I do however, find it interesting that even though I have been away for 2 years, I still get the messages. My friends who are hurting, like me, reach out to those who will always be there as a support system. I haven’t talked to her in 2 years, but it doesn’t matter. Our professional relationship is a deeply rooted personal one. In that enviroment, the two are not seperate. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, where do we go from here. I want to let it out and move on. Though, it won’t happen now, it will happen when I am at the services and every fire fighter in the county is there. Dressed in their Class A’s as the bagpipes come down the isle. You want to see an entire room of grown men, fire fighters, cry? Just watch and listen as amazing grace is played through the pipes. That scares the shit out of me. Those tones are all too familiar. It is my mortal fear. Just to know that in the Fir Na Tine tradition, the pipes call our brother home. Below is a traditional send off. The way Shane and all other firefighters of honor get sent off. I could only be so lucky to have the pipes lead me home one day.

A wife has lost a husband. Community has lost a saint. A friend will weep for all.

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Who would play you?

A friend of mine asked me a few days ago, if a movie was made about your life, who would they get to play you? This got me thinking a bit about this and I came to the conclusion that a movie would not represent my life. A t.v. show would be a better representation. Then I thought, well instead of who would play me, what characters now most represent my personality? I told him this evolution of thought and he then asked, “okay, what character now bests represents you?” Funny thing is, like the voices in my head I don’t think one depiction could best portray me. So, below are 3 examples of my “personality characters.”

  • Rescue Me’s “Tommy Gavin”- A dysfunctional Irish firefighter that sees the ghosts of former family member and patients. He is the guy always willing to do what needs to be done in an emergency situation and will always bail out his fellow crew. It is because of this that his personal life suffers greatly.Personal tragedy has molded him, but does not define him. His relationship with the recurring women in his life could be defined as masochistic.                                              200px-Tommy-badass
  • Scrub’s “Dr. Perry Cox”- A well educated Irish Chief of Medicine, who’s ego could engulf the entire hospital building. Sarcastic, narcissistic, and quick witted with his own brand of philosophy dubbed “coxian” He goes for the strong willed women that have a dysfunction to match his. Though his sister is uber religious, Perry is a harden atheist. Seen making illogical and self destructive choices to retain a self delusional image. Will go on long winded rants about the things he hates. Often accused of drinking too much and having a general disdain for humanity, Perry shows that he is superior at his job and will go the extra mile to do right by his patients.200px-Drcox_scrubs
  • King of Queen’s “Doug Heffernan”-Is a pretty mellow average guy who enjoys his food. Has a smoking hot wife that loves him, even though he is “chubby.” Always surrounded by a core group of interesting and diverse friends, Doug is the ring leader of the group. He is portrayed to be average or slacker at work, he is very dedicated while there and consistently out performs his fellow employees. He has ambitions of owning his own sandwich shop and consistently battles with his crazy live in father-in-law. images

What t.v. or movie character would you be?

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Transition

With all the new and exciting things going on in my hood, reality kind of kicked me in the balls the other day. I was on the phone with the admission director for the masters program and told her I would accept the Spring 2010 position. Hung up the phone, looked around, and said, “oh shit. This just got real!” Had a small, “what the hell am I doing” existential freak out and my mind was going a mile a second. I just made shit real.

Its mellow. It took me by surprise a bit, in a good way. See, I have been dragging my feet a bit and just “going through the motions” of relocating and pulling my shit together. Well, now that I have a goal set things are finally feeling as if I am on my way; to where I do not know. Well, I have got school locked down and 2 days after I got the news, I lined up an interview with a really significant place that will only improve my resume. This goes down next Friday and I am totally pumped.I am way under qualified, but I feel if I give it a shot, it will be great practice for anything in the future. I hope it works out, but I know the reality involved.

In preparation for this interview and other things I started boxing more of my shit up. I mean to find out how much shit can fit in a Lincoln Town car. The interesting thing that kind of sealed the “feeling deal”, was a conversation with the girl I have bee seeing the past few weeks. She told me that she heads to Chicago the day I leave to DC. Side note: This is not the first time I have had a temporary relationship while plotting my next move, it seems to be my thing. Anyways, it just put the nail in the proverbial coffin for me, knowing that while I am here, it is temporary.

Another realization after this past weekend, is that I am ready to move on in life. I want a professional career and a strong woman to be with. For years I struggled to put things together. I was not disadvantaged but at the same time I had no edge. I know what it means to struggle and have nothing. To make it on your own and do things your own way. Lots of lessons learned on this path. Now, I am ready to explore, not necessarily jump into, the potential of a long term situation. Let’s face it, I am not the best looking guy and a bit over weight, and I am sure over time it will only be in decline. I am 28 and feel a new chapter is ready to be written. The good thing is, I am focused challenged have a goal insight to thwart my boredom.

So, renewed with confidence and potential on the horizon, I am moving more of my shit to my empty room in the DC metro area. I am coming in next week and hope to meet up with everyone. It could go 2 ways. 1) Totally pumped from the interview 2) totally bummed from the interview. Either way means that I will be out on the town Friday night. So look out DC, JP’s coming home!

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I am leaving dis babylon

A couple things short and sweet:

If you like reggae music you should check out the album Movement by the Rootz Underground. Bad ass tracks. Picked them up last night. God, I have a horrible addiction to ITunes.

I received an email yesterday from a large university in the DC metro area telling me I was accepted to the Master’s program I have been sweating for about a year. I have a Fall (like 4 weeks) option or Spring option. When I got the news I did a happy dance similar to this guy:

So I have to sort out my life very quickly and either pull the trigger or take a breather. Either way, I am totally stoked. Stay tuned as I will probably flip a coin or something like that to decide.

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Can I get an amen from the back section?

That’s what she said!

I am feeling a bit refreshed and sort of back on wire. While off and about I found out a few things about myself, lets call it awareness. I go through phases where I feel the need to do something drastic. I wanted to destroy my blog and twitter, just to say I was almost there. Then I got angry letters where my balls may have been put in harms way if I did. Instead, I blanked out a myspace account that was causing me to doubt myself as an American, yes as an American.

Well back to my point. I had an eventful week or so. I discovered some things that opened my eyes to my new life direction. Nothing like an ephifany, but just a good mellow realization that I may be evolving. Anyways, here is what I was up to:

  • Went out with the girl and had a nice dinner and a hung out. Found out she likes PBR, crazy British gangster movies, speaks fluent Spanish, and comes from a similar low-income mid-west background. It is really nice to have a distraction like her. She will only be here another 3 weeks or so and hopefully, so will I. To be honest, if she was a long termer, I would be in trouble. In fact she came with me to the local watering hole and she was totally mellow. The parting moments are always my favorite. Bonus.
  • Found out someone I am interested has a small crush on me. I still don’t believe it, but I like it. It is always nice to know someone is interested in you and not for something you “are” or “have”.
  • I was visited by the ink fairy2009-07-17 22.12.58
  • Let me just tell you, sitting for hours on end having your friend drill on you is not the best idea. I did discover that if you put a bendy straw in a tall boy of PBR, you can lay down and drink comfortably.
  • I hosted a B-B-Q and about 12 friends show up. We totally threw down! My mom and a few of her friends dropped in. It was classic, my buddy Jimbo was wearing a “I like Whores” shirt and was hitting on my mom’s friend. food was good, beer was cold, and we had a good time.
  • I told my boss I have one foot out the door and the other on a banana peel. Still waiting for that call!
  • Made plans with the girl for this week.
  • Realized I may be ready to find someone to cool my heels with. To be honest I am lonely. Let me rephrase, I miss having a partner in crime that is a support and inspiration. I may be on the look out for this person now.
  • Returned to work just in time for the busy season once again. I cannot wait to get out of there.

So, as you can see nothing too exciting. But I have to say, I do not like writing unless I am inspired. This inspiration comes from music. In fact when I sit down to write, a song typically flows through my mind. For some reason the music has stopped. Maybe a spark or an adventure is needed to get the flow going again.

Anyways, as always, thanks for reading. Hopefully the music will return soon and the inspiration will move me once again.

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Like all my relationships

I am on again, off again with this site. It is my outlet, but at the same time I want to destroy it and move on. I am sure I will get over this soon, but for the time being I am taking a break.It seems that when my work and home life get busy I expend all my energy there and none is left for the Gospel.

I should be checking back next week and will regale you stories about my past few dates and the evolution of all things JP. So, keep an eye out on your readers, I will be popping back up soon. btw: I am really backed up on my own reader, but I am still lurking on my fellow blogger’s sites. So, check them out, there are good things going on.

JP

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