Oh, it’s like that

Welcome to TMI Thursdays: Today we focus on the kind of girl JP likes to date…


I have always said that I like my girls to be a bit off. Crazy, but not emotional. Meaning you may have to sleep with one eye open because you might get stabbed kind of girl. When I say this no one really understands what I am talking aboot (that was for our Canadian friends). So, to highlight my kind of girl I thought I would start out with a more mild story, one about a girl I met while surprisingly working in the ER. *Rachel.

I met *Rachel when she first started working in the ER a mild manner soft spoken petite brunette. To be honest I wasn’t that into her at first, but like all good players of the game, I proceeded to get her number. You know, just in case. Well, just so happened that I had moved in to a new place and needed help moving two items that were too awkward to carry by just one person. I called everyone to help me, everyone. When I got no response from the A-list I went to the B-list. Dialed *Rachel and told her my plight and asked for some assistance. She reluctantly obliged. Yet, promptly rolled over to my joint.

She helped me get the items in the house and then we of course started drinking whiskey as a reward for our hard work. This is where the fun began. The pad was a wreck and there things all over the house, yet enough space to dance to Sublime. (side note: Dancing to Sublime has worked several times. I am not sure if it is my dancing skills or the music that seduces the ladies. An experiment should be done.) While dancing I noticed that the mood shifted and she began to, well, “get her grind on.” What was I to do? I could not in good conscious let her go satisfied. We took it back to the room and this is exactly what she said, “I am a little nervous, its been a while. Put some Pantera or something like them on.”  

So, after that night she became this pseudo-one nighter that kept coming back. Would seriously call me and say, “hey baby can I come over tonight, I will bring the whiskey?”  I would of course say what the hell swing on by. Now remember she was attractive, very attractive, but i quickly found out she was a bit off. How did I find this out you may ask? Well, here is the icing on the cake:

I could do no wrong with this girl, there were no boundaries. One night my roommate and I left work around 11 (yes we all worked together) and he said lets go downtown and get a few beers. I was of course always wasted at this time game for the adventure. Long story short, he got really hammered and started a fight and I had to throw him out of the bar to prevent him from getting arrested. After I tossed him out, I went after him because he had the car keys. As I was chasing (sober) him I stepped into a pot hole and broke my ankle. A snap was heard and I hit the ground. By this time I am fuming pissed about the whole thing and now I had to go back to work, to get my ankle fixed. Guess who else was working that night? That’s right, *Rachel. Who was not that excited that I had left in the first place.

So, find out it is broken and the doc told me *Rachel would be in to set it. Thats right, for you watching at home  the only person in the joint who was splinting and casting, was the girl that I had pissed off. Not only that, but I decided in my moment of clarity, that she was not doing it right. Guys, here is a JP lesson learned. Do not piss off a girl that you are sleeping with, who is also fixing you broken ankle. Lets just say she swiftly let me know who was in charge. Finally, we are done and my ankle is back in the right place, after taking a few wrong turns I might add. We headed out to the car with the passed out roommate.

While on the way out to the car I convinced *Rachel that she should get off work early and come take care of me. I mean I was on her way home. Seriously, I thought I would never see her again, but at 5:30 in the am she came rolling through. I remember her standing in the door way and asking if I was okay, when I replied yes, she called me an asshole. Then stripped down and proceeded to take care of me. Proper. 

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a small example of why I like my girls tattooed and slightly off. They don’t judge and neither do I.


P.S. My ankle is still screwed up 4 years later. Ahh, the gift of lasting love.


*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. 



Filed under Life

9 responses to “Oh, it’s like that

  1. k8

    Why is that considered “off” my friend? Hmmm? And I had more fun having sex when my leg was in a cast than I had in a long, long time.
    Off would tend to make a normally sane person ask, “is she alright?”

  2. The prettier they are, the more problems they have.
    So that explains the other night! LOL.

  3. Well, darling, this shoulda been your first clue:

    “…Put some Pantera or something like them on.”

    I know. But I am a sucker for that kind of thing.

  4. when guys are “off” they sneak into your place and leave 4 page notes…when girls are “off” they are fun in bed?? life is soooo unfair…
    It’s a weird power balance. C’est la vie.

  5. Looks like she at least kept it interesting. When all was said and done, she probably really enjoyed grating the edges of your shattered ankle together…and was thinking about it later on.
    I would not doubt it for a minute. Chic was off…

  6. I would totally set someone’s bone wrong, but they would have to seriously piss me off (going to a bar without me doesn’t count).

    For example, everyone knows that I don’t take it in the back. That’s right. So when a SO joked that he “might get the wrong hole sometime, heh heh” I replied that “you do that, and I bite.”

    “Oh, I don’t mind that. I love when you get rough.”
    “No babe, I don’t think you understand; I’m saying I’d skip licking that Tootsie Pop you got down there and just *snaps teeth*”

    Tattooed? Slightly off? Check, check, but don’t forget “don’t fuck with me”.

    And this is why we keep you around! If only you weren’t in Canada.

  7. I’m with LiLu. Pantera was the key. I’m not picky, but there’s something sexy about a slightly off woman. But if they were into Pantera or something stronger than Metallica, I might start to worry. Not that I wouldn’t go there…after all, there is a woman that seems to be interested in me.
    Tony, you are right on the money with this one. There were no top 40’s requests I can tell you that.

  8. f.B

    A woman who knows what she wants, intends to get it, and doesn’t care if it makes sense to you or not as long as you’re game, can make demands… even for Pantera.
    Its not the strangest request I have heard. And yea, she got what she was asking for.

  9. I kind of think this story is funny, even though the gal is portrayed as kind of sad. I doubt the crazies will stop crossing your path, once a junkie always a junkie. Great blog, had a good chuckle.

    I am addicted to the crazy ladies. Speaking of which just watched Rock of Love and think I found my future wife.

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