Lagunitas Maximus

Welcome to Hail the Ale…

Today I would like to tell you about Lagunitas’ Limited Release Maximus IPA. For those that don’t know IPA stands for India Pale Ale. Back in the day England had to get good beer to India for their troops the problem was, beer spoiled on the long voyage. But being the clever alcoholics that they are, the English added more hops which is a natural preservative and boosted the alcohol content. Now, this happens to be one of my favorite styles because I am a hop head and love the enamel peeling bitterness of tons of hops. In this case, well its a bit different.

One of the reasons I like Lagunitas so much, is that they place beer geek info on their bottle. They are not afraid of showing what they have:

O.G. 1.080- Not Original Gangsta but close. This stands for Original Gravity meaning how much potential sugar is available for fermentation. (Okay, really short explanation of a pretty complex idea)

ABV 7.2%- Everyone favorite Alcohol by volume. Very straight forward. Oh, your normal beer hangs out around 4.5% -5%

I.B.U. 72.41- International Bitterness Scale Which measures the bitterness in a beer provided by the hops. Lets put this one in perspective. A beer such as Bud is around 8, Corona 12, Guinness around 25-30, a run in the mill IPA 40-50. This one is almost double that!

“Tats, nipple piercing, cutters, burners and hummers. A cold Maximus just makes perfect sense.” I kid you not, that’s what is written on the label!

Umm um good!

This particular beer is a bit different than a normally super hopped IPA. Most IPA’s that jack up the IBU’s will feel like the hops are eating away the enamel off your teeth or leave a really residual sugar taste on your tongue (Delirium Tremens Trappist ale). This one however has a very soft sugar tone, which is awesome for having such a high alcohol content and the first dose of hops to hit your tongue is mild with a big blast of grapefruit tones at the end.

If I had to describe this beer as a woman I would say she is a full size 9 or 10, good and healthy. Not a spinner and definitely and a porker. She has a thick booty and  proportionate breast. I imagine her with long flowing dark brunette hair and a huge anti-social personality. You can bring her around your friends, but too many and she will start a fight.

For the IPA beginner, I would recommend this beer. It is subtle and palatable enough with citrus tones shinning through from the hops to really bring someone around. I do caution you, this is a damn good beer and highly addictive. Where they get you is the limited release, meaning if you are like me you will need to stock up.

My beer fridge after a run on total wines

Like I said, limited release means I had to stock up. Plus I plan on making Hail the Ale a regular feature. So, think of it as market research.

Top shelf booze

Next week, Dogfish Head’s Fort brewed with pureed Raspberries. Looking forward to that one! Cheers!

FYOTD

It is time for the many FYOTD’s. For those looking for the normal JP entertainment, sorry but today is not that day. Instead I am taking it upon myself to give some well deserved shout outs that I have been holding back.

1) To the government of an oil rich desert nation, you are first up. I would like to say FU for thinking the US economy is so weak that you could under cut the working budget and hire Bangladeshi’s at a cheaper price line. I hope your project goes straight into the shitter, as you cannot match US standards while employing non-US contractors. Oh, and thanks for stringing me along since November, appreciated. On a lighter note, whomever did make this deal package,from a foreign policy stand point it totally makes sense.

2) A huge FU to grad school that emailed me to tell me they would email me in 2 weeks to inform me of their decision. What. The. Fuck. Seriously, some one is fucking with me on this. Why on Earth would you mail someone that you have kept in the dark for months, to tell them it will be 2 more weeks. Come on. What is 2 more weeks of silence? This was poor execution.

3) To  the ex-girlfriend who has been thrust back into my life and infiltrated all of my female friends. Huge FU!!! You don’t talk to me for 2 years, then all of a sudden I can’t shake you. You are everywhere! Then, my friends ask, “JP why don’t you hang out with us anymore?” Simple. I am not going to deal with this non-sense. Oh yea, the text I got the other day inviting me to dinner with everyone because your family is in town. FU, because you went that concerned about me meeting them years ago. And good thing I asked who would be at said dinner, because upon investigation I find out your new guy is going as well. Strong work! Invite me to hang out with your family that you were embarrassed to introduce me to in the first place along with the new guy you are dating. All to use a buy-one-get-one free coupon. FU! Oh, yea this is my formal RSVP of, fuck no I will not be there.

4) To the female roomy.  Really? You are hanging with the said offender all the time. Okay, when I said it was cool if you hung out with her, I really didn’t think you would. Now, this is my fault for thinking a woman knew man law. As in, no other man hangs out with his buddy’s ex. At all. No matter what. Women don’t think that way and this is where the battle of the sexes can be strongly highlighted. Seriously, there is a reason the girl and I are no longer together. Why would I want her all up in my shit again? If you are going to live with guys, you must learn the law of the land.

5) To work: Yea, you pay me and I have a job, but come on guys. Seriously can we pull it together just a little? That is all I ask.

6) To the girl my sister reached out to, gave a place to stay, and hooked up a job… FU! FU for pulling some scandalous shit. For blowing up her work spot and causing drama for no reason. To think you guys were friends for so long and you ruin everything or someone you lusted after and only knowing them after a month. Seriously, that is bullshit. Even though you have done nothing me directly, I  still say FU. Blood will always be thicker than water and I can say from experince, Karma is a whore.

7) Last but most certainly not least. ME. Fuck Me! Especially for letting any and or all of the above bother me. For being impatient and intolerant of stupidity. For being a “nice guy” recently and allowing this to go on. A few years ago I would have dropped kicked these people for screwing around. I hear this is called maturity, but I don’t like it. F Me for being a hopeless romantic and wanting someone that it will never work out with. And an even bigger F-Me for having larger than life expectations for myself. I can only accomplish so many things at one time and taking on the everything at once will continue to frustrate me. As I have seen this lesson many times, I still have not learned it. Oh, and finally a huge FU to myself for turning down free Red Sox-Braves tickets last night, because I have to be all responsible at work and couldn’t skip out. I mean who is this guy?

If you have made it this far, tomorrow we will get back to the good stuff. I am reviewing the Lagunitas Maximus IPA and covering the finer points of ale selection. Thanks for bearing with me. Cheers!

Coming soon!

Okay so today I was going to put a lot of people on blast, but I was distracted by a few things last night. With that said, here is what to expect next week:

1. On Blast Monday. I will be lighting up certain people that really deserve to have their spot blown up. So, if you have some one you want to blast as well, send me an email and I will add you in.
2. I will be reviewing Lagunitas Brewing’s IPA Maximus, my new favorite beer of the week.
3. The always popular TMI Thursday’s will be in full effect! ER style…

Have a great weekend and get into as much trouble as you can.

Laters,

JP