Category Archives: Tattoos

Foxy Fridays…With A Twist

Hey hey y’all, this is Just A Girl up in the hizzy! Oh dear god I’m white. When JP told me he needed guest bloggers while he’s out of town, I immediately called Friday. Why? Because I knew it was the perfect opportunity to take over the Gospel and do something for us girls. Instead of the normal (sexy) ladies showing off their art, I’m flipping it around and showing you some fellas with kickass tats.

OHH JP YOU CAN’T STOP ME NOW!

Ahem. Anyway, since I AM molesting his blog, I thought I’d better start with our host. I got a chance to check out his work in person, and pictures don’t do it justice. It’s gorgeous. Unfortunately the pic he sent of his leg came through super tiny (sad face!)  but the boy is covered so it’s not like there was a shortage.

This might be my favorite because LOOK AT THE PUPPY! Oh, and nice tat too.

This might be my favorite because LOOK AT THE PUPPY! Oh, and nice tat too.

The surfing skeletons. This explains JP's taste in (body & wall) art right here.

The surfing skeletons. This explains JP's taste in (body & wall) art right here. It also explains why we could never share a house.

Who's a pretty pretty princess?? Oh, and the girl's nice too. :)

Who's a pretty pretty princess?? Oh, and the girl's nice too. 🙂

All of my tattoos are plain old black, so I won’t lie, I’m totally jealous. Purty.

Now this next guy is my favorite and shut your faces if you don’t like dirty white boys. Courtni knows how I roll. Chris Andersen, call me?

This picture makes me drool, but his tattoos in this one sort of make me cringe. Thankfully he's invested in some MUCH better work.

This picture makes me drool, but his tattoos in this one sort of make me cringe. Thankfully he's invested in some MUCH better work.

The wings make me want to take off my pants and die. Also, duh, go Nuggets!

The wings make me want to take off my pants and die. Also, duh, go Nuggets! Not that I'm biased or anything.

For those of you who like a prettier white boy, here’s some David Beckham. (I tried to pretend like I wasn’t into him but I’m totally lying.)

Oh hi David Beckham. What's that? You're gorgeous? Yeah, we know...

Oh hi David Beckham. What's that? You're gorgeous? Yeah, we know...

Make out with your face? Well, if you insist...

Make out with your face? Well, if you insist...

My only problem is that his tattoos? Kiiinda boring. So no more pictures. Google that shit on your own time. This next one is for Maxie, even though I almost threw up a little. Don’t get me wrong, A Milli is my jam (do the kids still say that?) but…

I love Lil Weezy but his face? Jesus.

I love Lil Weezy but his face? Jesus.

So I totally wanted to put more pics on here, but, true story, all of a sudden my google image results were all full of penises. Tattooed penises, yes, but still limp, random junk and it was scary and I said “bluhhh” and shivered and closed google because for serious? The penis is not purty ESPECIALLY LIMP AND COVERED WITH A BETTY BOOP TATTOO. While I go scrub my eyeballs, tell me who I should have included or why Chris Andersen is awesome.

17 Comments

Filed under Foxy Friday, Tattoos

If only there was a sign…

 

Seriously was written on the side walk at the university

Seriously was written on the side walk at the university

If only life was as simple as this sign. A directory to show you where the good stuff is. However, there is  not. Its a long road with blind corners, crazy ass bus drivers, and people who can’t get their head out of their ass. To be honest I may be one of those people that may have a rectal-cranial impaction. On Saturday, I seriously felt like one of those people when I received an email from a potential employer, saying that my wildest dreams would not come true; secondary to a menical foreign government that did not want to provide external funding. I have been waiting since patiently since November. One on hand it is nice to have a solid answer finally; the other feels like I have been punched, because I was wicked excited at the prospect of being gone for 6 months, even if it was the desert. 

So, I have been a little distraught and a little reflective about my ultimate goals and ambitions. Overall, I am stoked about a lot of potential on the horizion, but at the same time, there is nothing concrete. I think the point of this post is me just wanting say, “hey world, I still cool with ya. A little bummed about stuff, but I was not promised anything. I appreciate the little curve balls you throw at me from time to time. Truly you are pretty rad. Please stop stringing me along, I would really like to put down some roots and be reunited with my brewing gear that resides in N. VA. ”

So, what do I do when I get down? I go out and bag me a hot lady. But this particular lady came with another hot lady as a delivery system. Being the nice guy I am, I went out and bought my girl some new lipstick…

 

She is so hot!

She is so hot!

Thanks for reading my random ass thoughts. I am going to take a break until TMI Thursday, due to a really busy work schedule. So, swing back by then and I promise a disturbing and semi-erotic story. Cheers! (that was for Smell the Glove)

12 Comments

Filed under Life, Tattoos

Gentlemen, start your engines

What a weekend! I received a call from my Uncle the other day about some tickets to a NASCAR truck event Friday night. He explained that they were free (my favorite kind) and really good seats; they had a 4 day package. Not a lot of people know this, but I do not like NASCAR. For the pure and simple fact that it is just cars going in a circle and sometimes they crash. I like to watch ESPN 11pm highlight reel and see the crashes with out the non-sense. Well, I had nothing else to do and my Uncle and his friend are always able to keep me entertained.

Meet up for the races on Friday night and my Uncles friend picked us up. As, I was getting in the back seat of the truck, I watched something magical happen: 2 grown ass men well over 50, calling each other cock-suckers and punching and general tom-foolery that is reserved well, more for my age group. This assured me that no matter how old I get, when my friends and I get together for an event, we can still act like ass-holes. The ride over I couldn’t stop laughing! My Uncles friend Johnny looks and sounds like Joe Pesci with white hair. We covered everything from whose gotten married to who’s and asshole. A few references to cock-sucking and titties later, we arrived.

I was warned that our seats were way up at the very top of the track, but what they should have said to me is that I would require a Sherpa to reach my destination. I seriously knocked down 2 tall boys on my way up the stairs. Get to the our destination and low and behold, I’m sitting next to a huge dude! Seriously, he took up his chair and half of mine. I had to stand for most of the race. Pounded down a few more tall boys and everything got better. Looking around the sea of Real Tree Camouflage and high tech rednecks, I was reminded that there are still people out there that believe the south will rise again. If you have ever thought to yourself, “self, we really are not as fashion contentious as we could be,” go to a NASCAR event; you will never doubt yourself again. HA! I saw a guy with a big red number 8 tattooed on his arm, what an ass! The driver that he liked enough to get the number tattooed, now has a different number. Rolled through the rest of the night and had a great time, despite the fatty Mc Lardass taking up my chair.

Those blurs are the trucks going about 200mph

Those blurs are the trucks going about 200mph

So, the big V-day rolled around and me and my hot date got a little kinky. Thats right, the little blonde tattooed hispanic girl let loose on my arm with her magic machine. Yep, her and I had a hot date to drill on my inner bicep and armpit. 3 hours of line work later and this was the present she gave me:

This did not feel very good

This did not feel very good

He is a different prospective:

a little sore still

a little sore still

So, to cap things off my Uncle called me on Saturday to say that when they went to the races that afternoon, he ran into that big ass dude. He said that guy was complaining that he could not see the race because I was standing damn near the whole time. What a dick, if he wasn’t such a fat ass I would have been able to sit down. Oh well, my girl has brought a smile to my face.

6 Comments

Filed under Tattoos

The 10 commandments of tattoos

As I am getting tattooed once again on Saturday, I felt compelled to share a few tips my friends in the tattoo community have given me over the years. Follow these rules and you won’t look like a total ass at the shop:

1. DO try to have some kind of idea what you’re looking for before you come to the studio- impulse buying isn’t, usually, a very good way to find a tattoo that you’ll be able to live with for the rest of your life.

2. DO tip your tattoo artist! This should be a no-brainer. Unfortunately, it’s not. If you didn’t know that tipping a tattoo artist is customary, YOU DO NOW! Tattoo artists DO NOT get paid an hourly wage- they earn a percentage of the money you pay for your tattoo and that’s it. They depend, heavily, on tips to support themselves. You wouldn’t stiff a waiter on the tip unless the service was really bad, would you? Your tattoo artist is marking you for life, something far more serious than even a fancy meal, so hasn’t he/she earned at least the recognition that a waitperson gets? If you receive exceptional service, show your appreciation by tipping. As a general rule, tipping 10% is a MINIMUM, 15-20% is normal and anything more is considered tipping heavily. If you don’t have the extra money to tip, at least explain that to your artist (they’ll understand and appreciate it)- if you can, bring them a tip the next time you have a few extra dollars. Clients who are known to tip always get a little extra ‘love’ from their artist.

3. DO NOT go into a tattoo studio if you’ve been drinking or if you’re under the influence of something. Show your tattoo artist some respect and come sober- nobody likes dealing with drunks.  If you’re wasted, you won’t make a good decision on what to get and you’ll bleed so heavily your tattoo is likely to look like it’s done in pastel colors. Plus, it hurts more. Nough’ said.

4. DO NOT try to bargain with your tattoo artist like you’re some vendor in a Indonesian night market. You wouldn’t go to the grocery store or a restaurant and try to talk a clerk or a waiter into lowering the price. The last thing you want your tattoo artist being mad at you when he starts sticking you with needles. “Good Tattoos Aren’t Cheap And Cheap Tattoos Aren’t Good.” People who “price shop” for tattoos end up with inferior tattoos- don’t let that happen to you.

5. Do you own “prep” work. It is weird having someone else shave you. Period. Unless, she is really hot and giving you a straight razor shave with a hot towel and happy ending. Just sayin.

6. DO NOT ask your artist to draw something just to see if he can. There are people who come into the studio and ask for one thing to be drawn after another without every getting anything. Don’t be that person! I prefer the power-point approach. Giving the artist an idea of what I am looking for.

7. DO pay maintain personal hygiene and physical decorum. Unfortunately, this has to be said for some people’s sake. There’s nothing more unpleasant than having to work on someone who smells.The same goes for bodily functions. If you’re having some difficulties with your stomach (i.e. gas) it might NOT be a good day to get tattooed.

8. DO NOT try to force your artist to make social conversation if they don’t seem receptive to it. Some artists like to talk and others don’t. You want the best tattoo you can get so let your artist work in the way that he/she is comfortable. Your artist will appreciate the consideration and it’ll be reflected in the work.

9. DO NOT fart while getting tattooed. It is awkward for both parties. (it is listed twice for a reason)

10. Unless it is your name, or a variation of “your name here” do not get it. Wars have been fought over romances, but ink is permnant.

11 Comments

Filed under Tattoos

One for the Ladies

I have been asked alot lately about my 40+ hours of ink. The main question is, how do you rack up so much time under the needle? Well, maybe a photo evolution would explain the process a bit better. Okay, due to popular demand for more tattoo pictures, today is the day JP’s (not all but a good portion) ink is exposed. Ladies, you may now swoon:

First Line Work–For those that don’t know, it can suck!

Start of my leg

Start of my leg

The foot is a little bit uncomfortable, just a little. So are the toes now that I think about it.

The foot is a little bit uncomfortable, just a little. So are the toes now that I think about it.

Beginnig of the arm

Beginnig of the arm

I seriously have issues--The elbow was let's say uncomfortable

I seriously have issues--The elbow was let's say uncomfortable

Then comes some color:

A little bit of pink goes a long way

A little bit of pink goes a long way

Looks like it hurt

Looks like it hurt

Acheilles tendon made me squirm a bit

Acheilles tendon made me squirm a bit

My placement regret that I have to now tie in.

My placement regret that I have to now tie in.

Now the out come:

This took a few years to complete!

This took a few years to complete!

Mothers day gift.

Mothers day gift.

All that color was dumped in, in one sititng!

All that color was dumped in, in one sititng!

Thats right, one dose!

Thats right, one dose!

Look at that handsome devil!

Look at that handsome devil!

Remember this is just a sampling of what I have, as it is hard to photograph other areas and put them on the WWW.

8 Comments

Filed under Tattoos

…And now you know

This epilogue was solidified after watching this clip graciously donated to my computer by Chocolate Bear.

I am pigment deficient or lets say challenged. I have done some extensive body modification. As a result I have noticed some interesting reactions from the public at large. I admit I do not, nor, cannot begin to understand the plight of the gentleman in the video. What I can attest to is the generality of ignorance and fear of the unfamiliar as exhibited in aforementioned film.

I see the way you look at me with that smug vile look of disgust; as if you once puked on tequila and someone just bought you a shot. The whispers and side glances that fill the room as I walk in. I see in my peripheral an attractive girl starring, eyes locked and filled with wonder. Is he nice, bad, does he even have a job? Where is his motorcycle? How dangerous is he? Ohh my, I want one of those.

What you may not know is that even though I look weird, strange, or even exotic, I would kick your ass on Jeopardy. Thats right, if you came into my office you would never know I spent over 40+ hours with some sadist armed with 20 or so needles and a jug of ink. Even better than that, the guy you just thanked for saving (prolonging) your loved ones life has a sleeve dedicated to Dia De Los Muertos. Ironic isn’t it? The people you fear and loathe because of addition of color to their skin, are the same very people you depend on to pull you out of the worst situations.

I don’t blame you, I have color and “some designs” on my body because I appreciate the social complexities that folk art on skin implies to the “civil population”; the contrast between acceptable appearance and the moral boundary’s of others. You are welcomed to look. You are welcome do disagree with my artistic perspective. More over, you are welcome to ask questions. However, do not lecture me on the evils of my decisions or point out where my final spiritual destination is according to your religion.

Case in point, I have an uncle who is a member of the “greatest generation” and fresh out of Arkansas. He is very southern baptist and quite generous with his assessment of others. Every time he visits I know how the conversation will go:

Uncle “Son. Do you know what you have done to yourself?

JP “No. No I don’t. But all the gay guys that were with me told me the fresh ink looks fab-u-los!”

Uncle “Son. You body is your temple and you must respect it. God gave you that body and you must return it.”

JP “Well lets just say a fresh coat of paint is not the worst thing that has occurred to this temple. If anything it has spruced things up.”

Uncle “You will end up a lost soul.”

JP “Can’t be too hard to lose with my last name shoulder to shoulder in 3 inch letters.”

I kid you not. This is the same conversation I have every time with him.

The point of this exercise in futility, is there are still intolerant individuals out there. I never understood the ism’s of the world or how one is an “ist” of sorts. Ever since I have expanded my art collection, I have been noticing more people as Chocolate Bear would say, “mean muggin fools.” Because my experience is self inflicted I have a different perspective on this concept of mean muggin. Though, it is all the same in the end. They guy in the film represents what I would like to do every time someone inappropriately stares. It is true the more you try to avoid it, the worse it is. So, BOO Bitch! Lol, Classic! Cheers.

5 Comments

Filed under Tattoos