Tag Archives: law

And I bid you Adieu!

It has been a few months since I have posted, well, anything. There is a good reason for this and let me splain youse…

I moved to DC with a hierarchy of goals in mind and at the top of my list graduate school. So, pulled the trigger and moved. Made to the Deez C and hit the ground running. I have now been in the town for a few months and embarked on the psychotic journey that I call my life. I now work 40 hours a week at a job where I do not have internet or the ability to communicate with the outside world, needless to say, I will be finding a new job. I am also taking 3 graduate courses, to include weekend classes as well. Yes, my life is a bit off the chain right now. As I type this my roommates are moving out and I have to find a new joint closer to the city, as well as finding a new car due to the Wolverine incident.

Just JP

I started this blog as a way to keep writing, so not to lose any edge while waiting for classes to begin. Now that I am balls deep in school, I am going to cut this space loose. I enjoyed having an outlet and a place that I can rant, rave, and basically let me be me. I have met some awesome people through this blog and some crazy ass people too. It all comes with the territory I guess. All in all I would not trade it, nor would I do anything different.

JP

I feel this blog was only one side of myself, the nonsensical side, and I am glad that you dropped by to share in it. I would like to leave you with these parting words:

This will be my last confession,
Liberty can leave harsh impressions,
I have little faith forgive me for my past discretions,
But we live and learn that history and past are lessons,
Ive always played the hand I was given,
No exceptions here humanitys driven,
You see all men are born equal, just the standard of living,
That differs between the Jewish, Adriatic and Christian,
Im a logical man given to science,
Forgive me I know religion inspires,The day this is work the love of it dies, A handful make it, the others will strive,
And hunger can drive hatred but such is just life,
I guess jealousys the curse that the struggle inspires,
These critics seek to break and divide,
I know Im bitter but my faith is divine,
Take it in stride yeah I act like I hate it at times,
But I found love through this music and a place to reside,
For every friend I have an eager opponent,
For every cent I spent on meager components,
I gave something back so I dont feel the need for atonement,
Cause we all get our hands dirty when were seizing the moment.

Again, thanks for coming by for the past year or so! Be sure to keep up with me on Twitter, JustJPTweet, so you can keep up with my insanity. If you see me on the streets, just say hi to a guy named JP.
For all the ladies heartbroken and seeking a male perspective on things, check out my friends:

Don’t forget to check out everyone else too!

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Filed under Booze, Foxy Friday, Friends, Life, Non-Sense

FYOTD

It is time for the many FYOTD’s. For those looking for the normal JP entertainment, sorry but today is not that day. Instead I am taking it upon myself to give some well deserved shout outs that I have been holding back.

1) To the government of an oil rich desert nation, you are first up. I would like to say FU for thinking the US economy is so weak that you could under cut the working budget and hire Bangladeshi’s at a cheaper price line. I hope your project goes straight into the shitter, as you cannot match US standards while employing non-US contractors. Oh, and thanks for stringing me along since November, appreciated. On a lighter note, whomever did make this deal package,from a foreign policy stand point it totally makes sense.

2) A huge FU to grad school that emailed me to tell me they would email me in 2 weeks to inform me of their decision. What. The. Fuck. Seriously, some one is fucking with me on this. Why on Earth would you mail someone that you have kept in the dark for months, to tell them it will be 2 more weeks. Come on. What is 2 more weeks of silence? This was poor execution.

3) To  the ex-girlfriend who has been thrust back into my life and infiltrated all of my female friends. Huge FU!!! You don’t talk to me for 2 years, then all of a sudden I can’t shake you. You are everywhere! Then, my friends ask, “JP why don’t you hang out with us anymore?” Simple. I am not going to deal with this non-sense. Oh yea, the text I got the other day inviting me to dinner with everyone because your family is in town. FU, because you went that concerned about me meeting them years ago. And good thing I asked who would be at said dinner, because upon investigation I find out your new guy is going as well. Strong work! Invite me to hang out with your family that you were embarrassed to introduce me to in the first place along with the new guy you are dating. All to use a buy-one-get-one free coupon. FU! Oh, yea this is my formal RSVP of, fuck no I will not be there.

4) To the female roomy.  Really? You are hanging with the said offender all the time. Okay, when I said it was cool if you hung out with her, I really didn’t think you would. Now, this is my fault for thinking a woman knew man law. As in, no other man hangs out with his buddy’s ex. At all. No matter what. Women don’t think that way and this is where the battle of the sexes can be strongly highlighted. Seriously, there is a reason the girl and I are no longer together. Why would I want her all up in my shit again? If you are going to live with guys, you must learn the law of the land.

5) To work: Yea, you pay me and I have a job, but come on guys. Seriously can we pull it together just a little? That is all I ask.

6) To the girl my sister reached out to, gave a place to stay, and hooked up a job… FU! FU for pulling some scandalous shit. For blowing up her work spot and causing drama for no reason. To think you guys were friends for so long and you ruin everything or someone you lusted after and only knowing them after a month. Seriously, that is bullshit. Even though you have done nothing me directly, I  still say FU. Blood will always be thicker than water and I can say from experince, Karma is a whore.

7) Last but most certainly not least. ME. Fuck Me! Especially for letting any and or all of the above bother me. For being impatient and intolerant of stupidity. For being a “nice guy” recently and allowing this to go on. A few years ago I would have dropped kicked these people for screwing around. I hear this is called maturity, but I don’t like it. F Me for being a hopeless romantic and wanting someone that it will never work out with. And an even bigger F-Me for having larger than life expectations for myself. I can only accomplish so many things at one time and taking on the everything at once will continue to frustrate me. As I have seen this lesson many times, I still have not learned it. Oh, and finally a huge FU to myself for turning down free Red Sox-Braves tickets last night, because I have to be all responsible at work and couldn’t skip out. I mean who is this guy?

If you have made it this far, tomorrow we will get back to the good stuff. I am reviewing the Lagunitas Maximus IPA and covering the finer points of ale selection. Thanks for bearing with me. Cheers!

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Filed under Life

My liver hurts because of you…

Friday night I pulled the trigger and cruised down to Martin to meet everyone for the blogger happy hour. Let’s just say I was very happy. As I type I am unsure how to explain the evening, further more explain how I went from zero to outright tanked in less then an hour. I was warned that these events get out of hand; boobs are shown or people end up in the bathroom doing funny things, but I truly did not believe them. Then I met the following people:

  • Lemmonex– Co-organizer of the event and stunning beauty. She made sure everyone was properly introduced and had a libation in their hands. She disappeared at one point and I heard she went home due to intoxication. I hope she survived. 
  • Arjewtino-The man, the myth, the legend. Co-organizer of the event and a man of style. He was on point all night and made sure everyone was properly set up. This guy was cracking me up all night and had a very profound outlook on life. 
  • Jolee 724-This girl is responsible for my head ache the next day. We did ass loads (hehe) of whiskey shots and pounded countless beers. This girl looks all sweet and innocent, but she is a strong arm assassin. She was  great wing girl. Cusses like a sailor and drinks like a mick. In fact she had some friends there I was talking to earlier in the night and then ran into them on the metro home. I am not sure what I said to them, but their faces told me I was done for the night. 
  • I hate so much–  This girl was awesome. Some one may or may not have a picture of me with my face buried in her chest; for warmth people it was cold as shit outside. One could say she was an instigator of shots along with Jolee 724. Definitely a hard core girl.
  • Desiree– This pixie snuck up on me, pulled me aside and kind of killed my game with this one girl. Its cool though because she introduced me to her squad. Really cool group of people and had a blast hanging with them. BTW, she actually kind of saved me from the girl I was talking with, because she was really stuck up and a pain in the ass. Thanks for the save!
  • Big Money Tony– Cool kat. Really mellow I didn’t get to talk with him as much, but still a good guy to know.
  • Francobeans– This is one enlightened kat. He and his girl were awesome to hang with. We were going to get pancakes the next day, but well, I was way too hung over. Next time my friend, next time. 
  • Deutlich– This girl was a solider! Straight up warrior. She was rockin a hot dress in like 20 degree weather. By the time I arrived, like 815 she was looking a little hammered. Well, she was really hammered! Arjewtino and I had to hold her up for a bit of the night. But, she hung in there like a champ. Strong work girl. 

I have to say I met so many cool people that night. Chocolate Bear and I were way wasted and I forgot a lot of interactions and heard shennagians may have been called once or twice. My parting story that sums up my drinking with DC Bloggers has to do with the ride home. I got on the train headed back to Vienna and saw a girl in a yellow skirt. It was like 20 degrees outside and she was wearing an outfit you would see in Orlando in the summer. I looked over at my sister and said, “damn, that girl is hot.” She promptly replied, “her face is fucked up. You can’t drink her pretty!” I said, “well I think I just did.” Yea folks I was done. 

I have to say even though I had a massive hangover I ended up at the Dogfishhead brew pub and had their hotdog and a flight of beers. This promptly put me back on the map and I partied with friends until 3 am Sunday morning. This weekend I have realized, I am going to chillax for a bit. Can’t wait until the next one!

P.S. I left a lot of cool people out of this post, because, well my memory is a bit patchy. If you ran into me drop me a line I will make sure you get the credit you deserve! Thanks!

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Filed under Friends

12 steps to DILLIGAF

Over the Winter holiday Sis and Lizard Breath came down from D.C. to spend some quality time with their favorite brother, ME! During their visit I did not get out much due to the pain inflicted from a mild manner sadist; however, we did end up at the Ale House for some beers and conversation. We drifted into an exploration of my recent attitude change and assured them it was not the heavy amount of drugs, but an actual change in philosophy. I commented I was on the 8th step of my guide to enlightenment or DILLIGAF. Then the questions began…Being an 8th level DILLIGAF member, I differed Lizard Breath to a post in my blog (now just writing it), informing her there are many levels to over come and it is more of a sliding scale. One can achieve the 12th step and fall completely back to 1 (flexibility is key here).

Example: Sis, was complaining about Chucky, saying this person was very demanding and a complete pain in the ass. Yes, this statement is true. Every year I cook, this person complains in way or another. So, what does the 12 steps show you? Thats right, ignore them and do what ever the hell you planned on doing, because everyone else there was pleased with the dish. It seems straight forward, but getting to this stage is complex and requires one with an iron constitution, an affinity to drop the C-word without hesitation, and just a drop of decency. It is complex, but like the Dead Sea Scrolls, totally up to interpretation. So, without further delay JP’s 12 steps to DILLIGAF Enlightenment:

1. Admit that you are the only person that controls your life and actions/reactions.

2. Know that there is a higher power and it’s influence is all around. Irrespective of religious affiliation.

3. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. The only difference is your evolution of thinking.

4. Make a decision to improve your life in the smallest of ways. A small victory is still a victory!

5. When challenged, don’t back down. Then again, make sure you are not challenged.

6. There is no failure, just really bad experiments that did not produce the desired results. Remember, Thomas Edison found 2,000 ways not to make a light bulb.

7. Everyone is flawed. Knowing their flaw and extorting it when necessary, can be justifiable and defended.

8. Knowing you are right 99.7% of the time is okay. If they don’t understand, it’s not your fault for their lack of education.

9. If you ignore the problem one of two things will happen. 1) It will go away. 2) It will get exponentially worse. Only you can decide how to proceed.

10. Continue to take a personal inventory and when wrong promptly admitted it. This will keep things in perspective.

11. Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing. Know your threshold and tolerance for each.

12. Having  a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. Being free in all the ways that others are not.

Needless to say, I still have a long way to go!

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Filed under Life

As binding as a pinky swear

With the new year on the horizon, I felt the follow is important to have handy when having others join you at social events. Please note this is an adaptation of a mailer I received from the lovely folks at Camel and can be used for any social situation, not just this evening.

The undersigned agrees that any and all events related to or involving_______________ on the eve of______________ are confidential in nature and shall not to be spoken of to anyone. EVER.

And by “anyone,” I mean any person or persons Not involved, present, or even thought of during said event’s with EXPLICIT emphasis on _______________’s girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife OR authorities of any kind. This also implies your significant other and supersedes all spousal rights.

Acknowledgment of this agreement therefore entitles the undersigned to _____________________.

Failure to recognize this legally binding document will result in_________________seeking compensation in the form of ________________, from the undersigned individual________________.

If compensatory damages are not paid, ______________________’s services will be hired to seek out and destroy _______________’s social and political life/connections in the form of public humiliation and or flogging.

I __________________ Understand that there is no photography, video, or any other recording devices allowed to be present at anytime during the eve of______________. Also, any and all extra persons invited to said event must be agreed upon and cleared by ________________ and ________________.

Signed:________________________

Date:______________________

Witness:________________________

(For office use only)

Approved:________

Denied:_________

Any supporting documentation:____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Filed under Non-Sense