Welcome to the dismal winter state of Florida. It’s not cold, yet cool enough to be annoying. It is not torrential rain that is falling, but the kind of rain that you have to set your wipers on low, but it is still too much. So, what does JP do on these kind of days? Thats right kids roll straight into Starbucks and snatch up a brew and take 5 minutes to validate what I have always said. I took my time today rolling into work, replaying John Doe’s “the losing kind” for some odd reason. Wait, I know the reason:
It has been a rough week at work, for some reason everyone has come unhinged and as usual I just hide in my office; this has also become the safe haven for other non-sense refugees. It is here tucked away with my new obsession that I reflected on the current climate of change and thought, “why the hell can’t this office experience change?” So, I came to this conclusion: we need to vote for an office president.
I realize that there are already presidents and ceo’s and people that have official power. I get it. But, that is not the real truth. As any office dweller knows, there are people in the office that are seemly above the system in all normal conventions of the setting. They can be outspoken, mellow, or even a total pain in the ass, but if you want something done, you go to them. Personally, I am the antithesis of what constitutes a solid employee and I have alway been the one to run the black-market. I can get you anything you need, thus, people leave me alone and let me be cantankerous. Though everyone can see this system at work, we need an organized leader. I hear by propose a vote.
Each organization should vote on an underground president. Someone that will be the overall mediator for situations that require, well, that delicate touch that only those who run the underground of “office mafia” know how to pull off. Think of this person a kind of central mediator; all proposals for the “whacked” list need to go through this elected unofficial. This position has a lot of unofficial power and is dependent on the foundation that all office dwellers, need a central “underdog champion” figure. The kind of office Robin Hood.
Some other possible “positions” may include:
Scribe- The person that keeps a running record of important company developments, such as getting screwed on health insurance, or how the new bonus structure will ACTUALLY effect your pay check. Would be in charge of emailing the underground members.
Sargent at Arms- Is responsible for membership or initiation. All potential underground members must be approved through this person. Is responsible for maintaining members status and revocation of status. Reports directly to president.
Gossip- A powerful instrument in a manner not thought of. Think of this position more as a spy. A traditional gossip causes issues, the underground gossip will report issues or “gossip type” situations directly to the underground. This person must be able to move seamlessly throughout all office “cliques.” This position requires a female with the gift of the gab.
Black Market Dealer- Is the go to person. May it be an extra packet of post-it notes that is required or a can of coffee. This person is able to by pass the “supply nazi” that every office has. Is essential in daily no non-sense smooth operation. All supplies are dealt internally and not for outside use. Though, if items are needed for outside use, a pass-phrase will be established for such requests.
Slut- Every office needs a hot and slutty personality. This helps increase gossip flow and keeps the helpless males entertained. There may be multiple openings for this position.
As you can see implementation of these positions would make things either run smoother or make things very entertaining. After witnessing a heap of office madness this week, I fell that this increase productivity and reduce the petty stress level. Hell, everyone needs a go-to person to get things done. I am throughly convinced that this cannot be done through management. So, spread the gospel and form your own underground and yes Che would be proud of you.