Tag Archives: Miller

And I bid you Adieu!

It has been a few months since I have posted, well, anything. There is a good reason for this and let me splain youse…

I moved to DC with a hierarchy of goals in mind and at the top of my list graduate school. So, pulled the trigger and moved. Made to the Deez C and hit the ground running. I have now been in the town for a few months and embarked on the psychotic journey that I call my life. I now work 40 hours a week at a job where I do not have internet or the ability to communicate with the outside world, needless to say, I will be finding a new job. I am also taking 3 graduate courses, to include weekend classes as well. Yes, my life is a bit off the chain right now. As I type this my roommates are moving out and I have to find a new joint closer to the city, as well as finding a new car due to the Wolverine incident.

Just JP

I started this blog as a way to keep writing, so not to lose any edge while waiting for classes to begin. Now that I am balls deep in school, I am going to cut this space loose. I enjoyed having an outlet and a place that I can rant, rave, and basically let me be me. I have met some awesome people through this blog and some crazy ass people too. It all comes with the territory I guess. All in all I would not trade it, nor would I do anything different.

JP

I feel this blog was only one side of myself, the nonsensical side, and I am glad that you dropped by to share in it. I would like to leave you with these parting words:

This will be my last confession,
Liberty can leave harsh impressions,
I have little faith forgive me for my past discretions,
But we live and learn that history and past are lessons,
Ive always played the hand I was given,
No exceptions here humanitys driven,
You see all men are born equal, just the standard of living,
That differs between the Jewish, Adriatic and Christian,
Im a logical man given to science,
Forgive me I know religion inspires,The day this is work the love of it dies, A handful make it, the others will strive,
And hunger can drive hatred but such is just life,
I guess jealousys the curse that the struggle inspires,
These critics seek to break and divide,
I know Im bitter but my faith is divine,
Take it in stride yeah I act like I hate it at times,
But I found love through this music and a place to reside,
For every friend I have an eager opponent,
For every cent I spent on meager components,
I gave something back so I dont feel the need for atonement,
Cause we all get our hands dirty when were seizing the moment.

Again, thanks for coming by for the past year or so! Be sure to keep up with me on Twitter, JustJPTweet, so you can keep up with my insanity. If you see me on the streets, just say hi to a guy named JP.
For all the ladies heartbroken and seeking a male perspective on things, check out my friends:

Don’t forget to check out everyone else too!

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Filed under Booze, Foxy Friday, Friends, Life, Non-Sense

GO GATORS! Boo Yea!

This is all I have to say…tebow-copy

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Filed under Family Traditions

Vicoden

Typically I can handle a great deal of pain, however this time I was not so strong. Next time a dentist armed with a drill and a pry bar asks, “JP would you like to be fully sedated or just Novocaine” and I respond with anything other than “here is my best vein,” shoot me and end my miserable existence. I do not deserve to carry on. As I have said before, I had a wisdom tooth removed from my jaw and I was basically incapacitated for a week clamoring to my bottle of the little white wonderful chemical helpers. So, what does JP do when he is totally wasted and have nothing to do? Thats right, cook up a big hunk of meat!

I had been tapped or volunteered to make the Christmas main dish this year, as I have been chosen in the past. This time I was blasted on Vicoden! What did I cook you may ask? I drop kicked a 10 pound pork shoulder…Boo Yea! Let me introduce you to the 3 day Florida Christmas Cookin’ JP style.

First start out with a fresh 10 lb. Boston Butt and coat with the following marinade and allow to set overnight:

Marinated Pork Shoulder

Marinated Pork Shoulder

  1. 20 cloves of garlic
  2. 6 tablespoons nutmeg
  3. 5 springs of thyme
  4. 6 ounces of quality rum
  5. 3 cups of brown sugar
  6. Dust with sea salt and cracked pepper.

Then next day pull it out of the fridge and get the fire a blazin. At this point being on vicoden and playing with using lighter fluid and matches, may not be the best idea. Oh well. Let it burn!img000581Then get out the trust ax and go swinging away on the closet orange tree to you. Also, add 2 oranges to the wood and squeeze the juice all over the wood. This is where it gets erotic romantic.img00059This is the point in which you need to place the pork on the opposite side of the smoker you intend to use. I prefer to put my meat close to the stove pipe (that sounds really bad). Once you have it all set up, drop those firey coals on top of the wood and oranges.img00060Close ‘er up and and let it go for 8 hours. Every hour or 2 check the smoke level, if it is not coming out at a decent rate, throw some more wood on the fire. It should look something like this.img00061Once it comes off the smoker, shred the meat off the bone (sounds uncomfortable) and place in a roasting plan large enough to hold it. Cover with foil and place back in the fridge. Next day, throw it in the oven on 225 for about 2 hours and it will then be ready to go. By placing it back in the oven, it allows all the fat to break down and re-marinate-keeps everything nice and juicy.

So, unlike cooking the ham, I did not set the house on fire. Matter in fact this is the perfect way for a “stoned” individual to cook a meal. Plus, while I was lounging around I received a killer gift that I had won from a beautiful woman, Lemmonex! Though, I was concerned I may catch her wicked illness via post, kind of like anthrax, but not really…Ah, its good to be JP! Oh and this recipe feeds like 50, so feel free to scale down a bit if your party is not as grand.

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Wow did that just happen?

Ah, Saturday! What an unassuming glorious day. I mean where do I even begin? I think I need to start at the grocery store and the clearing of the beer shelf. 5 packs of Miller High Life camouflage Fall edition tall boys. These are the cans that say,”enjoy after the adventure.” For you rednecks at home it means even though they are camo, consume after hunting so you don’t pull a Cheney. The beer was acquired and with Winston riding shot-gun we were off to Chocolate Bear’s house for the big game. 

We gathered for all important SEC championship game, in which the Florida Gators defeated Alabama 31-20 securing their position in the BCS Championship game. It is great to be a Florida Gator! Well, being a part of the Gator Nation means by inherent right, you have to know how to tail-gate and or consume mass quantity’s of beer.

Chocolate bear on the porch

Chocolate bear on the porch

The first beer was cracked at 3:45 p.m. and as you can see Chocolate Bear was “reprezentin'”

 

 

 

During the game Sis called to inform me that her crew was doing shots every time Florida scored; CB and I thought about this and voted no due to our track record of stupidity after shots. So the game goes on and 20 beers go down between CB, JP, and just a little bit for Winston. By this time we were on the express train to hammeredville riding first class.

After Game Damage

After Game Damage

So what does any self respecting drunk person do? That’s right, pulled out the phone and started calling everyone we knew. This took place around 7:30 p.m. One taker on our offer of fun and exotic adventures was Jew Slacks. Though, we weren’t prepared for his offer.

 

Jew Slacks Rolled through and convinced Chocolate Bear that it would be a great idea to go downtown to this emo bar, which is really not my scene. I protested with vigor, giving the argument that we should just stay put because we were supposed to go golf with the Russian Mafia in the morning. My pleas fell on deaf ears. I then countered with a brisk assessment of our financial well being, reminding everyone that CB is unemployed and well lets just say I am not too far off from there as well. Then I heard something from Jew Slacks I though I would never hear, “I got you guys covered.” Wait a minute I have to be wasted, did I just hear that? My argument is now null and void, siempre loco. Though he did throw some bullshit speech about not cock-blocking him or getting us tossed out of the joint. We called shenanigans on said speech and made no such promises.

Jew Slacks was the designated driver and bank roller all wrapped up in one nice package. As I recall the can did say enjoy after the adventure, but who am I to follow that rule. We arrive downtown in time to dodge the cover charge. I hate cover charges by the way, especially at a bar. I mean come on, you mark up the drinks by 20 to 50 percent, why do you have to break my balls in the process. Anyways, we get our drunk band and immediately bounce next door to my spot. Walking up we run into an old friend working the door. Good ‘ol Jeb who bares a striking resemblance to Elvis. Imagine this scene as you walk up to the door of a bar. A large black man thumb wrestling Elvis, while a very hammered heavily tattooed was hitting on a very attractive policewoman; she was not having any of my non-sense, her loss. Yea it was like that! Hell we were even checking ID’s while we were at it. Shit, now that I think about it we were kind of official and should have charged a cover to our little show. Damn another missed opportunity.

11:30 rolled around and we caught up with Jew Slacks at the emo bar, damn there are some lame ass people there. Lame in the sense that they believe they are vampires and or a dark damned soul. LAME! Give it up people. Individuality does not mean doing what the rest of fucktards are doing. I digress. By this time I was blitzkrieg drunk at the bar and things were not making a bit of sense to me. The kind of drunk were my mouth runs as if it was Niagara Falls. I do not recall a lot of the evening who made the call to get pizza, but it was the best idea of the evening. I really don’t remember what kind of pizza it was, though this morning I burped and  think pepperoni and garlic was involved.  I do recall making fun of a cop in the pizza place and freaking out CB and Jew Slacks with my antics, but the cop was cool about it thank god. 

I don’t remember how I made it out of downtown, but I did. On the way home while Jew Slacks was navigating I got the brilliant idea to drunk dial a girl that called earlier in the evening. It didn’t go bad but I couldn’t tell ya if it went well either. Arrived home about 1:00 a.m. lit like a Christmas tree. I had left the backdoor unlocked when I left so I didn’t have to take my keys with me. I guess you can imagine my suprise when I came home to a locked door! I saw that roomy#2’s door was open and he was home, so I did what any good roommate does when hammered at 1:00 a.m., I pounded on the door relentlessly, kind of manic/psychotic. And in my infinate wisdom when he finally opened the door I said something like “why the hell would you lock the door?” A duh retard would have worked well in this situation. Came in slammed some doors…Done. Fried. 

10:30 a.m: Damage assessment. Foggy, yet light and clear. Realized I had a wild night and recovery meal for under $25.00. It is amazing what one can accomplish when the means are not there. While rummaging for food relaizing I am broke and have no food, I now see the need for a girlfriend who can cook; it is good to know that the dollar menu exists. Called up Chocolate Bear and said, “Okay that was nuts. I told you we should have stayed in.” He agreed. Next time I will not be out voted. Roomy#2 was debriefed and all is well.

By the way, the Russian Mafia was totally pissed about me missing golf on Sunday.

GO GATORS!

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