Tag Archives: Gators

And I bid you Adieu!

It has been a few months since I have posted, well, anything. There is a good reason for this and let me splain youse…

I moved to DC with a hierarchy of goals in mind and at the top of my list graduate school. So, pulled the trigger and moved. Made to the Deez C and hit the ground running. I have now been in the town for a few months and embarked on the psychotic journey that I call my life. I now work 40 hours a week at a job where I do not have internet or the ability to communicate with the outside world, needless to say, I will be finding a new job. I am also taking 3 graduate courses, to include weekend classes as well. Yes, my life is a bit off the chain right now. As I type this my roommates are moving out and I have to find a new joint closer to the city, as well as finding a new car due to the Wolverine incident.

Just JP

I started this blog as a way to keep writing, so not to lose any edge while waiting for classes to begin. Now that I am balls deep in school, I am going to cut this space loose. I enjoyed having an outlet and a place that I can rant, rave, and basically let me be me. I have met some awesome people through this blog and some crazy ass people too. It all comes with the territory I guess. All in all I would not trade it, nor would I do anything different.

JP

I feel this blog was only one side of myself, the nonsensical side, and I am glad that you dropped by to share in it. I would like to leave you with these parting words:

This will be my last confession,
Liberty can leave harsh impressions,
I have little faith forgive me for my past discretions,
But we live and learn that history and past are lessons,
Ive always played the hand I was given,
No exceptions here humanitys driven,
You see all men are born equal, just the standard of living,
That differs between the Jewish, Adriatic and Christian,
Im a logical man given to science,
Forgive me I know religion inspires,The day this is work the love of it dies, A handful make it, the others will strive,
And hunger can drive hatred but such is just life,
I guess jealousys the curse that the struggle inspires,
These critics seek to break and divide,
I know Im bitter but my faith is divine,
Take it in stride yeah I act like I hate it at times,
But I found love through this music and a place to reside,
For every friend I have an eager opponent,
For every cent I spent on meager components,
I gave something back so I dont feel the need for atonement,
Cause we all get our hands dirty when were seizing the moment.

Again, thanks for coming by for the past year or so! Be sure to keep up with me on Twitter, JustJPTweet, so you can keep up with my insanity. If you see me on the streets, just say hi to a guy named JP.
For all the ladies heartbroken and seeking a male perspective on things, check out my friends:

Don’t forget to check out everyone else too!

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Filed under Booze, Foxy Friday, Friends, Life, Non-Sense

GO GATORS! Boo Yea!

This is all I have to say…tebow-copy

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Filed under Family Traditions

Blissful Delusions

My insomnia has been really disruptive as of late, thus ruining countless interpersonal relationships and dialogues throughout my day. I have been a social recluse and a inanimate corpse at the office. Simply put I have been exhausted and everyone has been pissing me off. Especially, the girl in the next office that has been signing Christmas church music at such a high pitch squeal, she would make a pig fall in love and a canary explode. I used to experience this every once in a while when working the night shift, though if I did not have any patients I would crash in the supply room with my pager by my ear. Now as a day walker (have been for 2 years now) I keep having trouble with this sleep thing. But today is a new day and thanks to my special friend Nyquil I feel like a new man. So much that I had the ultimate man dream.

I am sure you are thinking, “JP, ultimate man dream? You are serious going to go there?’ Get you mind out of the gutter pervert! I am talking about the Cadillac of man dreams. The kind of dream that will only occur to men (and some select women) that eat their steak rare, drink their beer out of a can, and have no issue wearing a bath robe to go on a beer run at 7 a.m. when the corner store opens. Thats right, the football dream!

I was number 88 for the Florida Gators and will be immortalized in my own mind as scoring 3 touchdowns during the BCS Championship game. It was magnificent! The first goal was during a kick return which was fumbled and recovered by yours truly, to run it in 20 yards. As I ran in I did this really cool flip/jump into the end zone and celebrated relentlessly. I had the applause and adulation of the entire Gator Nation. It didn’t stop there, on a forth down I pulled down a deflected ball and hugged it so close I thought the ball was going to explode into my chest. I high stepped this one in for 15 yards live and direct into the end-zone. Once in the end-zone I could see my facial expression of joy and disbelief that this just occurred; when playing NCAA on X-Box the players that don’t get the ball that often pull this same face, where the eyebrows are up and the mouth pulls a cheeky grin.

Now, touchdown #3 was the highlight reel moment and occurred right before I woke up. It happened while I was on the offensive line and was a wide- out receiver (some one thought I could run?). I shifted as the count and call went down, as soon a “hike” could be heard I was off. Knowing the play call, I rounded around and watched as Tebow took off and started the lateral play action. Coming around I was blocking for everyone and watched as another player missed the pass. Luckily I was there to grab the ball, placing one hand on the turf, I made the recovery! I took off like a crack-head stealing a 40 from the 7-11 running from the gun wielding Asian owner. As I ran I heard myself yell, “block him, block him!” The slow motion replay feature kicked in at this point and I saw the stud, Tebow, make a huge block for me on the 5 yard line. As I reached the 1, I was hit! Hit hard I might add, but never the less I was in the end zone. Wow, did I ever celebrate! I totally pulled a Chad “Ocho Cinco” Johnson and picked up a pylon and putted the ball. It was amazing.

As I walked over to the sidelines Bobby Bowden was standing there and said, “Son, that was a hell of a run. Go Gators! I am going to the other bench to see what they will come up with next.” I was amazed; what was Bobby Bowden doing there? Anyways, We were way up like 48 to zero and going for the extra point. At this time I leaned over to Tebow and said, “hey screw this. Let’s go for a 2 point conversion and really stick it to them.” He agreed. Oh No! Wait! Not yet this is the best dream ever!!!

Eye’s fly open, body starts to move, my ears accosted by the sound of Detroit Highlanders bag pipes fill the room. As my feet hit the floor I begin to move in a sort of thrashing manner, kicking and knocking over everything in my path. I am still under the hazy influence of the Nyquil. The whole blissful dream was really a hallucination perpetuated by the Doxylamine succinate. Ah, the joys of over the counter sediative/tranquilizers. It’s going to be a good day.

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Filed under Non-Sense

Wow did that just happen?

Ah, Saturday! What an unassuming glorious day. I mean where do I even begin? I think I need to start at the grocery store and the clearing of the beer shelf. 5 packs of Miller High Life camouflage Fall edition tall boys. These are the cans that say,”enjoy after the adventure.” For you rednecks at home it means even though they are camo, consume after hunting so you don’t pull a Cheney. The beer was acquired and with Winston riding shot-gun we were off to Chocolate Bear’s house for the big game. 

We gathered for all important SEC championship game, in which the Florida Gators defeated Alabama 31-20 securing their position in the BCS Championship game. It is great to be a Florida Gator! Well, being a part of the Gator Nation means by inherent right, you have to know how to tail-gate and or consume mass quantity’s of beer.

Chocolate bear on the porch

Chocolate bear on the porch

The first beer was cracked at 3:45 p.m. and as you can see Chocolate Bear was “reprezentin'”

 

 

 

During the game Sis called to inform me that her crew was doing shots every time Florida scored; CB and I thought about this and voted no due to our track record of stupidity after shots. So the game goes on and 20 beers go down between CB, JP, and just a little bit for Winston. By this time we were on the express train to hammeredville riding first class.

After Game Damage

After Game Damage

So what does any self respecting drunk person do? That’s right, pulled out the phone and started calling everyone we knew. This took place around 7:30 p.m. One taker on our offer of fun and exotic adventures was Jew Slacks. Though, we weren’t prepared for his offer.

 

Jew Slacks Rolled through and convinced Chocolate Bear that it would be a great idea to go downtown to this emo bar, which is really not my scene. I protested with vigor, giving the argument that we should just stay put because we were supposed to go golf with the Russian Mafia in the morning. My pleas fell on deaf ears. I then countered with a brisk assessment of our financial well being, reminding everyone that CB is unemployed and well lets just say I am not too far off from there as well. Then I heard something from Jew Slacks I though I would never hear, “I got you guys covered.” Wait a minute I have to be wasted, did I just hear that? My argument is now null and void, siempre loco. Though he did throw some bullshit speech about not cock-blocking him or getting us tossed out of the joint. We called shenanigans on said speech and made no such promises.

Jew Slacks was the designated driver and bank roller all wrapped up in one nice package. As I recall the can did say enjoy after the adventure, but who am I to follow that rule. We arrive downtown in time to dodge the cover charge. I hate cover charges by the way, especially at a bar. I mean come on, you mark up the drinks by 20 to 50 percent, why do you have to break my balls in the process. Anyways, we get our drunk band and immediately bounce next door to my spot. Walking up we run into an old friend working the door. Good ‘ol Jeb who bares a striking resemblance to Elvis. Imagine this scene as you walk up to the door of a bar. A large black man thumb wrestling Elvis, while a very hammered heavily tattooed was hitting on a very attractive policewoman; she was not having any of my non-sense, her loss. Yea it was like that! Hell we were even checking ID’s while we were at it. Shit, now that I think about it we were kind of official and should have charged a cover to our little show. Damn another missed opportunity.

11:30 rolled around and we caught up with Jew Slacks at the emo bar, damn there are some lame ass people there. Lame in the sense that they believe they are vampires and or a dark damned soul. LAME! Give it up people. Individuality does not mean doing what the rest of fucktards are doing. I digress. By this time I was blitzkrieg drunk at the bar and things were not making a bit of sense to me. The kind of drunk were my mouth runs as if it was Niagara Falls. I do not recall a lot of the evening who made the call to get pizza, but it was the best idea of the evening. I really don’t remember what kind of pizza it was, though this morning I burped and  think pepperoni and garlic was involved.  I do recall making fun of a cop in the pizza place and freaking out CB and Jew Slacks with my antics, but the cop was cool about it thank god. 

I don’t remember how I made it out of downtown, but I did. On the way home while Jew Slacks was navigating I got the brilliant idea to drunk dial a girl that called earlier in the evening. It didn’t go bad but I couldn’t tell ya if it went well either. Arrived home about 1:00 a.m. lit like a Christmas tree. I had left the backdoor unlocked when I left so I didn’t have to take my keys with me. I guess you can imagine my suprise when I came home to a locked door! I saw that roomy#2’s door was open and he was home, so I did what any good roommate does when hammered at 1:00 a.m., I pounded on the door relentlessly, kind of manic/psychotic. And in my infinate wisdom when he finally opened the door I said something like “why the hell would you lock the door?” A duh retard would have worked well in this situation. Came in slammed some doors…Done. Fried. 

10:30 a.m: Damage assessment. Foggy, yet light and clear. Realized I had a wild night and recovery meal for under $25.00. It is amazing what one can accomplish when the means are not there. While rummaging for food relaizing I am broke and have no food, I now see the need for a girlfriend who can cook; it is good to know that the dollar menu exists. Called up Chocolate Bear and said, “Okay that was nuts. I told you we should have stayed in.” He agreed. Next time I will not be out voted. Roomy#2 was debriefed and all is well.

By the way, the Russian Mafia was totally pissed about me missing golf on Sunday.

GO GATORS!

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