Tag Archives: your mom has a Puma hunting liscense

Donkey Kong doesn’t even know the scope of how on it is.

First off, sorry for laying the heavy post on you yesterday. I needed to get it out of my system before it ate me alive. Now, on to more pressing issues…

Okay, I will be MIA all next week because my calender is stacked full of insanity. I have like 3 dinners to go to, girl I have been seeing is leaving, a wake, a funeral, road trip to my house, a job interview to rock out and a Happy Hour to crash; hosted by the ever sexy Lexa and LiLu an the awesome Restaurant Refugee. Don’t forget to tip your servers!

Hosted By Lexa, LiLu, and Restaurant Refugee

Hosted By Lexa, LiLu, and Restaurant Refugee

So, if you want to catch up and chat with or hell even meet with, yours truly, come on by. I will be reprezentin in full effect that night. Hell, we may even do some puma hunting. So, come by and lose your face! Don’t worry, you can aways plead da 1, 2, 3, 4,  FIF!!!

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Dating Effectively

Lexa from Culinary Couture guest posted for me a bit ago titled The Problem is You! She had sound advice, as I am sure we all have broken at least 2 of her outlined don’ts. So, how does one advance in the dating realm, effectively? Simple! Dating is a war with multiple battles to win, depending on your objective. Observe.

Preparing for Battle:

  1. What is you ideal age range and within 5 years and be reasonable. Are you hunting kitty kat’s (20’s), Puma’s (30’s), or Cougars (40+)?
  2. What activities should your future partner be interested in? This means things you can do together.
  3. What would they look like? (Best case scenario) Again, be reasonable. Look at yourself first.
  4. What are you really looking for? Boy/Girl Friend, husband/wife, ego boost, walk of shame?
  5. What qualities do they possess? (Personality wise)
  6. What are your deal breakers? THIS IS A NO BUDGE AREA!
  7. What are your best assets?

The Assault

  1. Flirtation- Spot your target and initiate contact, in a non-stalker way. Yea, I see you. Be charming, brief, and sociably approachable. You will know within 5 minutes if you are going to sleep with that person, so this should occur naturally.
  2. Negotiation- A complicated Kabuki dance of exchanging contact information. Phone number or personal email address. Twitter and Facebook are not acceptable forms of communication, but an acceptable way of doing a “background check”. A traditional 24 to 72 hours of silence is customary, then you drop the hammer and rock out. Plan your assault for a Tuesday if possible. This way you avoid being associated with a bad Monday and you are still early enough in the week to beat the friends out for their time. Be very clear that this is a date! You do not need more friends.
  3. Interaction- Welcome to the big show! The key to this is to smell good, lose your self in the moment, be confident and look interested; but not anxious or desperate. This is the most important kind of interview you could go to, I mean depending on your goals, you are possibly looking for a life partner. The initial interview is critical. Why not take a refreshing approach to this and break taboo’s. During this time you should ask about past relationships and why they didn’t work, history does repeat itself. Ask about ambitions. Discuss life goals. Housing situations. Education obtained. What kind of work are they in*. The goal at the end of the date is to know if you are compatible.

Pre-Date, Pre-Game:

  • Clothing- Do you have your sexy thong on? Does it flatter your strong points and hide your weak points? Are you dressed to handle the date?
  • Funding- Have you properly budgeted for this outing. Take dinner for example: if you go to a decent place you are looking at $30 a person for the main course only. This does not include cocktails while waiting for a seat, an aperitif drink, appetizer, dessert, and a digestif drink. Tip like you are a rock star and let them see you do it. If you are a scrooge on the tip, it says you are a deadbeat now and will always be. Then, you go and do what you had planned. Always take cash with you. I can’t tell you how many times I have been caught by the “we  don’t take cards” at a place. It is embarrassing to both you and your date and make you look unprepared.
  • Transportation- Is your car as clean and good smelling as you? Full tank of gas? Do you know where you are going? What kind of music is loaded in the deck, will it fit the mood for the ride to where ever you are going?
  • Hygiene- Showered, smooth, and hair did? Is your grill gleaming? Do you have mints?
  • Availability- Have you cleared your calendar? Told your friends you will be out? Have you lined up the “bail out text” which should be scheduled for 45 minutes within the first point of contact? Is your ringer set to silent?
  • Housing- Is your place clean? Are your roommates (parents) gone? Have you cleared all incriminating evidence such as the midget stripper porn? Are you sheets freshly washed?

If the items above are followed, as simple as it seems, your dating life can be successful! Lets face people are whacked and so are you. If you have a game plan and stick to it, it can reduce the non-sense and allow for a more memorable and pleasurable time. If you do follow this plan, please email me with your results. Cheers and happy hunting.

*Never open a conversation with “what do you do?” It is offensive because you are implying that what a person does for a living, defines them. I always respond your mom, but thats just me.

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