Welcome to TMI Thursdays! As LiLu always says: Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
It has been a while since I have put out a good TMI. In light of that, today I bring you a public service announcement JP style. Ladies and some gentlemen (I have diverse readers), listen up, this could happen to you!
Recently I found myself entrenched in a very good, nay epic, session of sexy time. It was a throw down if you will. It was Boston at my house and I was the lead runner in the marathon. Things were all they were billed to be. In the morning or same night, depending on your persepctive, I dropped the young lady off at her house and went back to the honey comb hideout. As I crawled into bed* I felt something tugging on my my shaft.
Well, actually let me start off in the beginning. Before I even embarked on this journey, I did some manscaping, knowing full well what the evening had in store. If I have learned anything in my short time on this earf, is no one want to play an over grown course if you know what I mean. Smooth as the 18th green. The girl and I went out, had drinks, and closed the bar. On the way out I offered her a piece of gum, because no one wants to kiss drunk breath.**
Well, fast forward to me going to bed and nagging feeling that something was just not right, um, in my world. Reached down, did a 24 point inspection and found a major issue. It seems the gum I had previously given to my date was now hitching a ride on the S.S. JP submarine. Thats right folks, she forgot to take out her gum, before she attached her mouth on my shaft. Now, please realize two things: 1) She blew me early on in the evening and then later as the ceremonies were coming to a close. So, there is no real detailed timeline on this event. 2) The gum was attached and I didn’t realize it, well, due to the events of the evening. I did what any decent man would do, pulled off the foreign object and went to sleep.***
So, the moral of the story ladies (and gentlemen) is: If you are going to blow a guy, take the fucking gum out your mouf!
*My roommate had questions, actually more of a noise compliant due to the preacher man activities on my side of the house.
**Yes, I was thinking of only myself at this point in time. I do have a mild gum addiction and hate skank breath.
***It was only skin contact, because I had manscaped earlier. Plus, I was wicked fucking tired and didn’t give a shit enough to freak out.