I have just confirmed what every ex-girlfriend has ever told me… I am impatient. I am impatient to the point that I stress over the littlest things, that I have absolutely no control over. A week ago last Friday, I interviewed for a major position, that would basically ensure me a bitchin resume within 6 months. Yes, this is most definitely a status position, one I would be very comfortable to posses. The lead up to the interview was a disaster and the panel style interview did not help the situation. I truly feel I did the best I could do.
With that said, it still doesn’t take away that feeling deep down in my gut, that say’s “strong work on the interview, but we decided to go with someone else.” I heard nothing. No call, no email, not even a carrier pigeon. No news is good news right? Yeah, tell that to your girlfriend while she pees on a stick, wondering if it will turn blue. Or while giving blood, to hear if you are a winner of the HIVy award. It is all nerve racking. You feel you know that you covered all your bases, but something deep down is panicking.
Then, the self destructive behavior starts. Yeah, I am totally awesome and can deal with my feelings in an amazingly mature way #Fail. Binge drinking, yelling at people, anti-social behavior, and of course, smoking. All signs that I need to get my head right and get back in the game. I have not heard anything yet and still I act is if the world is melting and I need to go down with it (TWSS). Hell, maybe a hobby will help???
I know this is my own delusional paranoia, personafied by past trauma. I get it. But what the hell? What is the point of this post? I have no idea. All I am saying is I just want the chance to prove to myself, that I can do anything I set my mind to. This waiting thing though, may just be the end of me. Dramatic, yes. Paranoid, oh god yes. Thankful that there are supportive people out there, that listen to my whining; more than you will ever know.