Welcome to TMI Thursdays! As LiLu always says: Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
A few years ago my Sister and I were hanging out with her roommate (and my friend) Mark, when she got a call about Lesbo-A-Go-Go, at the local gay bar. She pitched the idea to Mark and I about seeing girls stripping and getting down with other girls. Of course Mark and I were in. Loaded up the grocery getter and cruised on down to the club.
Upon our arrival I was introduced to an acquaintance of my Sister’s and steadily found out she was a switch hitter. At the door I was standing next to Mark and leaned over and said, “I’ve never been to a gay bar before. I am not sure what to expect.” Being the good friend I am, I told him, “dude, you are my boyfriend for the night. That way no guys will mess with you and it will be cool. Now, quit being a pussy and hold my hand when we walk in to play this off.” So, of course, Mark grabs my hand and we walk up to the bouncer. Bouncer say’s, “oh you guys need to stop right now. Everyone in the place can see you two are straight.” This gave Mark much confidence.
We walk in and there was a lot going on. I grabbed the girl I had just met and made my way to the bar, meanwhile Mark, my Sister, and various other friends got tables for the drag show. The girl and I come back with drinks for all and we start flirting and randomly making out. It was pretty cool, though her ex was there and was not pleased a pole had invaded her space. Anyways, Mark, the girl and I were standing with our backs to the last row of high top tables. Seated behind us, 5 very sharply dressed guys, obviously out for a good time.
The girl sits down and starts talking to our friends and I hear behind me the 5 guys discussing Mark’s ass. I leaned over to the girl and said, “if you want to see something funny, what happens after I talk to these guys.” I walked over to the table, introduced myself, and explained that I had over heard their conversation regarding the status of Mark’s ass. I went on to tell them that he is a close friend and he is very shy, if they wanted him to lighten up, he would need a few shots. They agreed.
Queue several trays of shots. I grabbed Mark and whispered, “dude, just go with me on this.” Now, if someone told me this, I would instantly question their motives. Not good ‘ol trusting Mark. He jumped in head first. I introduced Mark to the guys and we engaged in a psudo-flirting conversation. Went through 3 Patron shots and a fist full of whiskey, I decided that we were about to cross a threshold that no straight guy should cross. Girls, you know what I am talking about, the put up or shut up threshold.
We were all good and buzzed maybe slightly tanked. I looked at Mark, looked at my watch, and said, “hey Mark, what time is your girlfriend coming up bro?” Instant crickets. The guys looked at us and asked, “you guys are straight?” as if it wasn’t apparent. Well, maybe not apparent about Mark, but come on. I pulled what every guy has had happen to them: I thanked the group for the drinks, old them they were nice and that we enjoyed their company; however we need to get back to our friends. Bam! That. Just. Happened.
That is how I basically auctioned used my friends ass to get us (good) free drinks in the gay bar.