The New Cool Way to Date…#fail

With my newly found sense of adventure[1], I feel it would be a good time to branch out in other aspects in my life, particularly in the dating department. Over the past year I have met and dated several amazing women, women that given the right circumstances would have worked out brilliantly. Sadly, it was just not meant to be. School, distance, religion and various other factors have left these amazing and beautiful people just out of my reach.

I could be sad, upset, disillusioned and my usual curmudgeon self about this matter, but I am not. In fact I have a completely different take on the issue. I feel that by meeting and dating these women, I have slowly learned more of what I am looking for in life. They have shown me that I am doing something right with my life and they are the kind of people I want to surround my self with. Though, this newly found enlightenment does not change one simple fact… I am single.

My current situation may be familiar to you, the reader. New phase in life and coming to terms with what is important to one’s self. With all the stresses coming on, it would be nice to have a good distraction or two. In this assessment though, I need to figure out a few things in regards to the approach. I have never tried Internet dating and my only experience in the dating “scene” has been the traditional meet and greet or the out and about pick up. Both have worked very well for me in the past; however, being in a new city with such a diverse population, I feel I should give the Internet a fair shake.

Lets examine a few key sites and my understanding of how they work:

 

OKCupid: I guess it’s a free dating site? PQ tells me, “They work on a ‘matching’ system based on the answers you give to the questions. The more question’s you answer, the more they can ‘figure out’ your matches. But just fill out your profile and go looking for matches. It’s better if you go look at matches/girls you could be interested in vs. them coming to you.”

Plenty of Fish: This is a free dating site that resembles the traditional “bar” model of dating. You have a profile and a small “about me” section. Basically, you are trolling pictures for what you think is your best suited match.

Match: This is a paid site that works similarly to Plenty of Fish. My understanding is that it is a more upscale version of the dating pool; kind of like paying to get into the VIP section of a club.

Eharmony: From what my roommate has told me[2] it is a Christian based paid dating site. They have you fill out an enormously long survey about yourself and likes/dislikes. Then, they match you based on the standard deviation in their “dating equation.” It seems that this is a very serious site for people looking to “find the one.”

Now, I guess once I select a site or several, depending on how I feel, I create a profile that would best describe me. This is where the fine line of truth and bullshit get blurry. When I talk, the subtle nuances of my nature come out; however, with my writing, some times my sarcasm comes across cynical. I will need to work on this.

Then, there is the “I found someone and need to interact” portion of this event.[3] I would then have to send the girl a message with some clever headline or something that does not scream douche bag. Then, make some one-way casual conversation with them and hope they respond. If all goes well, the lines of communication slowly elevate until the meeting point.

At the meeting point is where I am fine. In social situations I thrive and love interaction. I am just not sure how this whole “game” works. What are the rules? How do I make my profile say what I want to express, without being a total narcissistic head case that I usually am? What is the best way to start the conversation without being a complete asshat?

For these these answers, I turn to you, my readers. Please, enlighten me, as I am new to this game…

 


[1] See I quit my job and moving ASAP

 

[2] She’s tried it

 

[3] I think of this as a Miss America Pageant. No, Miss Venezuela, cause that’s just one of the greatest things ever. God bless Telemundo!

 

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27 Comments

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27 responses to “The New Cool Way to Date…#fail

  1. Cool post on dating website options JP. I found you via a search for “Dating” on WordPress.

    If you’re interested, I’ve started a site for real-time updates from your dates, http://www.LuvvBugg.com. I built it cause all my friends were telling me these crazy stories from their dates, so I thought it would be cool to capture the moment and also allow their friends to comment, provide advice or a joke in real-time.

    Given your post, I thought you might want to check it out. Give it a shot.

    Cheers,

    Scott

    Thanks I will check it out.

  2. You are asking the wrong person about dating…

    Still a little sore about the Asian results eh? Sorry bro…

  3. You left out ‘Craigslist.’

    Looking for a date not a hooker. Well, that last past isn’t entirely true…

  4. tejasflood

    I would recommend meeting someone through blogging. I hear that works well.

    So I hear.

  5. The Sis

    @ moo. Craigslist is where you get your hookers, not your dates.

    Also, please do not use eHarmony. They are right wing Christian based. They obviously do not allow gay and lesbian searches (cause you can’t be a homo and have faith, according to them). They also subdivide into black dating and Jewish dating, even though separate, but equal was thrown out decades ago.

    Nick Warren the founder was quoted as saying, “Where Focus on the Family and a lot of these other places come from is that there are six places in the Bible that say homosexuality is wrong.”

    Anyone using Focus on the Family as their point of reference on morality scares the living crap out of me.

    LOL, I thought the same thing when I read “craigslist”. Find a date and parts to a 57′ Chevy.

    Yes, I agree with your dislike for Eharmony. Lets face it, I am not “their” ideal dater anyways,

  6. Use the Playaz dating service.

    We will match you up with a former game show model.

    I will take 2 please! Where can I order?

  7. PQ

    I met the Boy on OKCupid…and it IS free but as far as I’m aware, they now have the new option to pay a small fee for it every month and when you do a search, you can search for girls that have the same “A-List” membership. You…really don’t need to do that.

    As far as how to approach a girl, make sure you read her profile…don’t ever send a ‘standard’ email. Check out her profile and pick one or two things that stand out and open with those to show that you took the time to read and you actually have an opinion versus

    “Yo, you’re hot.”

    I got a range of messages from guys…But for the love of liquor, do NOT go on Plenty of Fish. I HATED my experience on there.

    Strong work! I will definitely examine this option further…

  8. PQ

    Also, my roommate met her bf on CL and they’ve been together for 9 months now. But you really have to have the patience to weed through the whores on there.

    Wait, you are telling me I can find whores there too! It’s like a one-stop shop…

  9. k8

    I’ve been on Match for several years now. It sucks. I hate it. I have never met anyone worthwhile on it. But then again – the pool here is much, much smaller than in a larger metropolitan area. If I don’t want a cowboy boot wearing farmer who likes to shoot things and then gut them in the field, my options are very limited.

    Yeah, I am really glad the pool has a “deep end” where I am going…

  10. I haven’t tried any of these (yet), but I’d be curious to see what you come up with. I’m also more likely to go with a free site, I’d guess.

    Sorry I’m not much help – good luck!

    If you do try it, let me know how it works out. Moses know, I have no idea what I am doing.

  11. f.B

    I am an empty vat of dating advice. I have nothing. All I can do is tell you what I told Patrick: I run a business, Wingman R Us.

    It’s “man” and not “men” because it’s only me. Plus, the other way sounds like an escort service, which, no.

    Hmm, I will take you up on this sir! We have much to discuss…

  12. Match worked out great for me, but there were quite a few interactions that had me thinking “seriously? this is what I’m doing?”

    That said, I thought it was the easiest to navigate and I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now.

    I keep hearing about all the awkward interactions and to be honest, I am kind of looking forward to it.

    That’s awesome!

  13. I don’t know from Internet dating sites. It seems like there’s gobs of eligible women in DC and you have the perfect excuse for being single and looking: “I’m new in town.” Best o’ luck!

    I *do* know from Meetup.com and it’s very active in DC. I wouldn’t go to a dating group there, per se, but pick an interest you have and meet potential playmates there. 🙂

    I have heard of this meet up thing and I really want to check it out. Yes, I am excited to see what DC has to offer…

  14. i’m another eharmony-hater because of their whole value system thing, but i do hear that if you don’t mind the “we’re christians and don’t believe in the gays” mindset, that it actually works pretty well. i boycott it anyway 😛

    i also have heard good things about chemistry.com, which is a part of match.com, but… i don’t know, different? and, i hear, more effective than other sites, specifically for singles in the dc area.

    PQ’s right, though – definitely write an email based on what the girl has in her profile. we can smell stock emails from a mile away.

    I am protesting pay sites all together, especailly the eharmony. I am not cool with the hate.

    Thanks for the tip, I will give it a shot.

  15. Ahhh, internet dating. What an interesting world! I’m on OKC right now and for the most part it’s been a really good experience (minus one pork chop incident, which I blogged recently – I attached the account if you want an honest look at what can happen).

    My pointers: take a look at the profile and find something interesting to start a conversation off of from there, exchange a few messages but get to the meeting part quickly because chemistry online/phone does NOT guarantee chemistry in person, and be prepared for some “interesting experiences”.

    Also, Eharmony? HATE.

    I read that and thought, my god, really? A pork chop? Thanks for the tip and I will be avoiding eharmony. Feel free to try and guess which one is mine.

  16. OK Cupid is good. Not that I’ve actually dated someone on there, but I’ve talked to a few people and it was easy to use. I just made my profile really, really ridiculous so that I’d get the right kind of people.

    the crazies. duh.

    I having a hard time being serious in these profile things. I want to say, “message me if you want to bump helmets some time?”

  17. I agree with The Sis-EHarmony is an insanely ignorant and prejudice Evangelical site! Blech!

    Anyways, I would just be honest and not overly aggressive in your dating profile and conversations.
    Decent men and women don’t play “games” and will be attracted to your no bullshit approach.

    Totally agree about eharmony! Yeah, I do not want any stupid games and I may draft “rules of engagement” when dealing with women on-line.

  18. I’m with Maxie – my profile was really, really ridiculous. Except all I got was that same douche emailing me on different sites.

    Oh, yeah – if you use multiple sites (as a lot of people do), keep the same profile because chances of you seeing the same person are pretty high.

    Yeah I saw that. I kind of want some one to stalk me. I feel if you have a stalker, you know you’ve made it.

  19. Pingback: Twitter Trackbacks for The New Cool Way to Date…#fail « The Gospel of JP [justjp.wordpress.com] on Topsy.com

  20. When I was on the market (or at least willing to be), I tried eHarmony. Their ridiculously long questionnaire told me that less than 1% of the population would be compatible with me, and I never got any matches. I like to think that makes me unique. Or apparently just that kind of speshul. Keep us posted on how it all goes. I may venture back out there someday.

    yeah, eff those people.

  21. i think you already know every single aspect of everything about my dating life so i really don’t have much to add. just do what you tell me to do – knock ’em dead.

    oh, and write an original message that is at least a full paragraph and shows you read our profile.

    I will keep you updated! Sounds like a plan.

  22. I guess I would use one like eharmony. I dont know, maybe it depends on what you are looking for?

    if all else fails… go with the male escort thing. Its like, you get the date and some income.

    Win, win.

    I like where you are going with this idea.

  23. internet dating seems really scary. I just don’t know if I would be as likeable via the interwebz instead of in person.

    I’ve never done the internet dating, so I don’t know what advice to give, but PQ’s sounds pretty dang good. Can’t wait to hear how it works out for you!

    I figure it would just open more doors.

  24. Marie

    Wish I could help you here. I actually sucked at the whole dating thing (no, really). I’m not even sure why I have a boyfriend (daily fascinated as to why he is still with me).

    All I can say is be yourself. If she no likie then she can go stuff herself in a toilet. And the one who likes you for you, she’s the keeper.

    Umm, cause you are awesome! I feel the same way.

  25. Finally, I topic I can weigh in on. I’ve tried them all: eharmony (“eharm), nerve, match, chemistry, CL, plenty of fish, washington post personals online, etc.

    I agree with much of the advice above. It’s not really the service, it’s how you write your responses. You have to seem like you are slightly interested, just not too much. You have had to actually write a unique response. That’s what always worked with me.

    Also, if you need a wingwoman let me know. Women in bars like to have a guy who seems “vetted.” I’m friendly, drink Jack, and not afraid to embarass myself.

    Appreciate the advice.

  26. missrandell

    I met my BF on Plenty Of Fish when I was working in Social Services, thus my contact with other people was limited to crackheads and welfare families. Not that there’s anything wrong with being on welfare, but I did sign a “no fraternization” contract…

    This month the BF and I will have been together a year. Jeez. Moral of the story? There is lurve to be found… even in the sketchiest of places.

    This is all very true. I do find myself in some very sketchy places on the regular, so you never know.

  27. Pingback: I just am not a patient person « The Gospel of JP

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