My Poop Smells Like Poopourri

Well well well…Look who’s back…It’s me, the neurotic DCPrincess

Last time I was here, I was drooling all over Zooey Deschanel because she is absolutely amazing. But today, I want to talk to you about something else.

I just wish I knew what that something else was.

See, I get all excited when someone says they’re looking for guest posters, jump the gun and then when the time comes, I have shit to say!

That’s it.

Let’s talk about shit! (Lexa, you might wanna skip this one)

See, I just spent 5 minutes of my life talking about pooping with the two sexy bitches I live with…and I think C is going to steal my pooping pose*. I’ll cut her if she does!

*ahem*

Speaking of my roomies, when I moved to this house, I discovered something AMAZING. You should definitely use it for your stinkiest poops**!

Spritz the bowl before you go...and no one else will know! (OK, this is SUCH a lie...)

Spritz the bowl before you go...and no one else will know! (OK, this is SUCH a lie...)

So…poop. I’m sorry but does anyone else love taking a shit as much as I do?

Is that not the sexiest sentence you’ve ever read***?

I could end the blog here and let the shit hit the fan.

Why are women so afraid of pooping? Or talking about pooping?  Also, am I the only one that likes to take magazines/books into the bathroom when I know I’ll be there a while? (I meant the ladies…We know guys like that). At my parents’ place, I used to have magazines and books stacked up in the bathroom closet just for that purpose.

Sometimes though, I forget that the poop is done and just sit there on the toilet reading. What?! The books I read are GOOD! I forget about my butt sometimes…though I’m not sure how because it is HUGE.

The worst though? It’s the period poop.  Come on ladies…You know what I’m talking about…You have those awful cramps, the pain killers aren’t doing anything and you know the only way you can get a tad bit relief is by pooping. It’s painful, it’s frustrating and it sometimes ends up being the ‘ghost poop’ but it is oh so glorious.

Speaking of which, my cramps are getting worse…Oh, I should go before I fart in here and stink up JP’s home for the next guest.

*I may demonstrate at LiLu & Maxie‘s wedding if I’m persuaded (re: drunk) enough.

**From their FAQ on the site:
Q: What about the gas that escapes?
A: While the product works great at eliminating bathroom odors, it is designed to trap and neutralize odors IN the toilet. If you experience residual smells due to gas, we suggest you spray Poo~Pourri lightly in the air after using the restroom. Be careful, oil overspray may cause slippery surfaces or damage to materials.
Q: What about floating waste matter?
A: By the way, this is the most commonly asked question by guys (go figure). Yes, it works great on floaters because as they penetrate the film they are coated. When they surface they are encapsulated with Poo~Pourri eliminating potential bathroom odors. No need to worry. (Heh, they said penetrate)

***Try not to faint from my sexiness guys. (See what I did there? Huh? Huh?)

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12 Comments

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12 responses to “My Poop Smells Like Poopourri

  1. Pingback: I’m somewhere else today

  2. Wow my guest post later this week will not be able to top this one.

    Oh I’m sure it will. You can DO IT!

  3. “Why are women so afraid of pooping? Or talking about pooping?”

    Um.

    HI.

    Hi! You’re the exception. Duh.

  4. i think we all know how much i love talking about poop, which is why i love this post so dearly.

    i’ve always wanted to try that oil… but i’d be scarfing down prunes and benefiber just so i could see if it works. and then my ass would explode.

    It works for the most part. Until you have that epic poop. You know that one I’m talking about.

  5. Just A Girl

    I poop as often as possible. I like to pretend like it counts as losing weight. Also, I totally take a book with me and, yeah, I’ve kept reading after the poo was done.

    I’ve finished a lot of books during my poop time.

  6. I always keep reading. Once I read so long that when I got up, I had a ring around my butt from the toilet seat. True story.

    My mom would be so proud right now.

    I have tears from pride. Or did you just fart?

  7. When I was younger, I *always* kept reading. My parents used to like to pound on the door and ask me if I fell in. (Too much?)

    Now, I prefer a crossword puzzle.

    Oh maybe I can take my Nintendo DS in there.

  8. Have you tried Poo~Pourri?? If not Ill send you a bottle. the proof is ion the bottle 🙂 My life is talking about poop. Yes a weird existence and it seems to be my reality. Why??? because it happens, that’s why and before I created Poo~Pourri I did not enjoy the smell (mostly my husbands) . Now he can at least Poop in the house and not have to leave! xoxo suzy p.s. lets do a giveaway???

    I do use it!! A giveaway would be awesome. I’ll send you an email 🙂

  9. You sound hot.

    From what I hear, I look hot too.

  10. Lauren

    I always talk about poop. my poor friends and boyfriend. Especially if its a good one. It’s like “seriously! I just lost half my body weight, how is this possible!”

    I totally read in the bathroom. Sometimes I just hang out there. Sometimes my butt literally falls asleep and I have a huge red ring on my ass. Sometimes I even bring my laptop in there.

    wait, what? I suddenly have no shame on this blog. yikes! 😉

  11. hello,

    thanks for the great quality of your blog, every time i come here, i’m amazed.

    black hattitude.

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