Peace to the East!

What up Beeetches!

I was going to write about an idea1 I had about creating an urban drug Olympics, where you would take users of things such as meth, crack, pcp, and smack, and pit them against each other in competition. Think Cops2, just more creative and an awards ceremony at the end; nothing amazes me more than a tweaker running from the cops.

Although the Junkie Olympics3 will not fully be discussed here today, something more important will be.

NA, NA, NAH, NA, NA I am going to Beer Fest!

Yes, my name is JP and I am five. If you have been reading for a while you may know I have been brewing my own beer for about 7-8 years and I keep getting better with ages.4 I have always heard about the Great American Beer Fest in Colorado, and have always wanted to go. I realize they charge too much and the cup they give you is pretty small, but you are also talking to the guy who drank Kona Brewing Company’s Pipeline Porter dry at the NOVA Brew Fest and got totally hammered with brass in the State Department; I love my friends.

Its not about the price or the size of your glass5 it is the Fest itself. To wander the isles checking out new and upcoming breweries or the old guard. The entire festival is broken into regions, so of course I have my plan of attack all mapped out. I am going to destroy the Pacific and Rocky Mountain sections, as we in the East, rarely get the chance to check them out. Don’t get me wrong, the East has many of my favorites, but the West is like the rare tuna you can only get at the pricey sushi joint you have always wanted to go to.

Anyways, my point is I am really excited about trying new things and having a well deserved good time. Next week I have some pretty awesome guests stopping by to season your melon with goodness. So, at the butt-crack of dawn tomorrow, I will be taking off to end my 35 days of sobriety and hopefully starting a new or at least different chapter in the Gospel of JP.

1Like all good ideas this one came to me while dropping a deuce the other day.

2I know you have watched. We all have watched at some point in our life.

3Its mine. You can borrow, but don’t steal.

4Can someone remind me to bottle the Saison I have fermenting in DC while I am there please?

5You totally were expecting me to reference my penis, I know.



Filed under Travel

11 responses to “Peace to the East!

  1. k8

    You’re going to have a great time. And is this the first time you’re meeting Just a Girl? That’s super awesome, too! I just wish you were flying through SD. You’ll fly OVER SD, probably. Wave, please!

    Oh, and the reason cops hate meth so much is that when you’re high, you feel no pain. They can shoot you and you just keep going – because you don’t even know you were hit. It’s awful. Basically, they have to shoot you until you bleed out and die.

    Yeah, I am pretty stoked. Meth heads are the supermen of the drug world; their krytonite, oral hygiene.

  2. You already told me to remind you about the beer in DC. Mandy and I GOT THIS. Um also 1 day I caaaan’t waaaaait!

    Lol, see I already forgot…. Yes, less than 24 till the ruckus goes mile high.

  3. I woke up at the crack of dawn once.

    I miss her.

    She is a cruel mistress!

  4. Have fun!

    Also, I love that you’ve already mapped out your plan of attack. That’s kind of how I do my Christmas shopping.

    I like to get hammered and buy things randomly for x-mas.

  5. I’ll say this once more…


    Have a great time 🙂

    Hell yeah you are! 😉

  6. I know someone who is REALLY excited about this whole thing.


  7. Marie

    Aaaany possibility of bringing your own cup? Yanno like a massive nalgene-like bottle? And then just fill it up with beer.

    Wouldn’t that be awesome?

    Have fun!!!

    I want to bring a pimp chalace!

  8. Mmmm…porter. You guys have fun!

    Roger that!

  9. JPP

    Now that sounds likes a good time. Good good time.

  10. Colorado is totally on my list, and you just added one more reason to go…

  11. I was a little worried that there would be no penis references, but you saved it at the end. Close call though.

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