Come on, go for the extra point!

If you follow me on Twitter you know bits of the story,so here is last night all rolled up:

Most weekdays I enjoy a nice ride on my bike. I typically do about 10 miles on several pre-planned course through the town. Yesterday was no exception, although I got a wild hair and decided to go for the long 17 miler. I have done it many times and really enjoy it. Seeing how I will be out of town I figured, why not go for it. Well, this is why:

  1. I cannot find the mouth piece to my camel back system, meaning no hydration.

  2. The head winds last night were like 15-20 mph and a total pain.

  3. It was still 90 degrees outside.

So, I headed out because, well, lets just say a clean system, bored mind, and lack of sex, can lead any man to do stupid things. I am no exception. Everything was going fine until…

  1. I was on mile 13 and can flying around a corner, power sliding around it, and popped my back tire. The slide was wicked awesome and I should have gotten a high five for it. Like in the movies kind of power slide, where you think the dude is going to wipe out, but totally doesn’t.

  2. With the tire completely flat I was 4 miles from the house and decided to just suck it up and walk it off. Well, if you ever have rode long distances on a bike, you know your legs are like a combination of Goodyear and Elmers. As you walk, you notice your legs are all wobbly and your are moving at a snails pace.

  3. Not kidding, took me like 30 minutes to walk home bike in tow. Pain in the ass.

  4. Get to my front door, turn the handle, FAIL! My roommate locked the door as he left. So, there I was, bike, sweat, dry mouth, and a locked up house. What did I do? Of course I threw my bike and said everything the U.S. Navy had ever taught me.1 My neighbor, who does not speak English (who is very hot btw) is just starring at me. I wave and say, “hola” and she waves back.

  5. Find a knife in my car and proceed to use the skills I acquired back in high school.2 Got in and guzzled a gallon of water.3

So, as I processed all of what had happened over the past hour or so, I decided I was too tired to be pissed. Seriously, I felt defeated.. Like Jonathan Phillips punted my goods for the extra point. I did text my roommate and tell him about the events and that basically he was a dick, but I wasn’t mad, but I should be. Oh well, I will make him drive me to the airport at 5:30 am on Friday as retribution.

1No, I was not in the Navy, but I would assume they have a very descriptive vocabulary for the profane.

2I went to a very ghetto public school. I learned how to break into houses and cars in my shop class courtesy of my class mates. Good skill to have when you lock yourself out.

3I really wanted a beer and a cigarette at this point though.



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15 responses to “Come on, go for the extra point!

  1. The SIS

    Ummm, your grandfather was in the Navy, that’s who taught our mothers and how we learned.

    Lol, yeah I did pick up a few things from Pete as well.

  2. No smoking jerkoff.

    Your face

  3. blonde

    Least you made it home and inside. Nothing wrong with a hard workout every now and then…

    For the record I am sorry it happen to you. At least it was warmer not freezing cold.

    I am more pissed that it messed up my rhythm. I was on a good track that day.

  4. And now I still want a bike, despite this post. Dangit.

    I hate running, so the bike is the next best thing.

  5. k8

    This is why I never bike alone. Someone ELSE can go get the damn car.

    No one else want to bike with me. Something about being a bunch of pussies or something.

  6. Uhm wow ! First off, I agree, lack of sex leads to biking.

    Second, 4 miles in 30 minutes .. is not a regular snail’s pace.. that’s actually pretty quick 😛 unless you didn’t have a watch with you !

    Third, always bring a cellphone or money or your keys .. never know what’s gonna happen. Oh and condoms.. you know cuz biking may be the remedy to lack of sex.

    Yes, the build up sucks! I didn’t have a watch, but it was a good estimate based on previous times. I hate carrying things with me on rides, I shouldn’t have to. I am old school like that.

  7. LOL. That sucks! But at least you taught your neighbour “some” English. 😉

    P.S. I posted a pic on my blog of a cool tattoo that I think you might like.

    Lol, yeah, she learns a lot from our house, thats for sure. I did see it and it is awesome!

  8. I know what you mean about wobbly legs after biking. I started up spinning classes a month ago for cross training on a 5K.

    Every time I get off my bike, I feel like I lost my knee caps. Then I have to walk down stairs to get to the locker room and I have to think reaaaaaalllly hard about what I’m doing so I don’t go ass over elbows down a flight of steps.

    Kind of like being drunk, without the slim pickens at the end of the night.

  9. That sucks! But I think you deserve a beer and a cigarette after having to deal with that kind of bull shit.

    Right! I know I am trying to be good, but WTF? That called for pollutants.

  10. f.B

    You pulled off the power slide? I’ve never seen that done in real life.

    DUDE! It was so awesome that I didn’t notice right away I blew out my tire. I wish someone filmed it.

  11. Heh heh. This reminded me of the time I rode my Mom’s new adult tricycle home from WalMart for her. 10 miles. The first 3 were mostly uphill which really meant I was walking the 100lb trike uphill with my jell-o legs. I also think I’ve been permanently damaged and can no longer have children from the experience. Not the same as you, but you know, I feel you.

    Wow, you triked 10 miles? Damn girl!

  12. you make me laugh.

    Camelbacks are for alcohol.

    Oh, I have a seperate military grade one for that application!

  13. JPP

    You lost me at 17 mile bike ride.

    I need to catch my breath just thinking about that.

    Aww come on now, you can do it.

  14. Pingback: A Pop Culture Intelligence Briefing « The Gospel of JP

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