Sticky Situation

Welcome to TMI Thursdays! As LiLu always says: Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

TMI Thursday

It has been a while since I have put out a good TMI. In light of that, today I bring you a public service announcement JP style. Ladies and some gentlemen (I have diverse readers), listen up, this could happen to you!

Recently I found myself entrenched in a very good, nay epic, session of sexy time. It was a throw down if you will. It was Boston at my house and I was the lead runner in the marathon. Things were all they were billed to be. In the morning or same night, depending on your persepctive, I dropped the young lady off at her house and went back to the honey comb hideout. As I crawled into bed* I felt something tugging on my my shaft.

Well, actually let me start off in the beginning. Before I even embarked on this journey, I did some manscaping, knowing full well what the evening had in store. If I have learned anything in my short time on this earf,  is no one want to play an over grown course if you know what I mean. Smooth as the 18th green. The girl and I went out, had drinks, and closed the bar. On the way out I offered her a piece of gum, because no one wants to kiss drunk breath.**

Well, fast forward to me going to bed and nagging feeling that something was just not right, um, in my world. Reached down, did a 24 point inspection and found a major issue. It seems the gum I had previously given to my date was now hitching a ride on the S.S. JP submarine. Thats right folks, she forgot to take out her gum, before she attached her mouth on my shaft. Now, please realize two things: 1) She blew me early on in the evening and then later as the ceremonies were coming to a close. So, there is no real detailed timeline on this event. 2) The gum was attached and I didn’t realize it, well, due to the events of the evening. I did what any decent man would do, pulled off the foreign object and went to sleep.***

So, the moral of the story ladies (and gentlemen) is: If you are going to blow a guy, take the fucking gum out your mouf!

the_more_you_know2

*My roommate had questions, actually more of a noise compliant due to the preacher man activities on my side of the house.

**Yes, I was thinking of only myself at this point in time. I do have a mild gum addiction and hate skank breath.

***It was only skin contact, because I had manscaped earlier. Plus, I was wicked fucking tired and didn’t give a shit enough to freak out.

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28 Comments

Filed under TMI Thursday

28 responses to “Sticky Situation

  1. If I were the kind of girl who gave blow jobs, I would definitely take the fucking gum out.

    That is just rude and could cause some sorta damage. Your cock was minty fresh, though.

    I truly believe it was unintentional, but seriously, take the fucking gum out. Yes, peppermint.

  2. BlowJobFAIL.

    What a dumb bitch. I hope you made her eat it off of your cahck.

    The discovery was after the fact.

  3. Gauche

    oh my.

    I think I just cracked a rib laughing way too hard. Thanks for the laugh my friend. that was damn priceless. Well…be glad you shaved. that could have been bad if you had to pull the gum out of your hair……

    Yes, I was happy about my grooming habits. It could have been a real situation.

  4. On the bright side, your dick smelled like refreshing watermelon.

    Less watermelon, more mint julep.

  5. Pingback: TMI Thursday: I Hope He Called the Corner Pocket | Livit, Luvit

  6. hahaha that must have felt weird. at least she wasn’t slurpin through a straw!! 😀

    Yeah, it took me by surprise.

  7. Nothing but klass, my dear.

    Would you expect any less from me?

  8. Ha! I wonder if she realized she lost it down there…

    Happy TMI Thursday!

    If she did she was tight lipped about the whole thing…

  9. I agree with lemmonex & livingwicked–everyone knows you take gum out before you blow. Someone failed blowjob 101.

    I am glad to hear they hold classes. If you fail, do they make you repeat the class? If so, where can I volunteer, my umm, professional opinion?

  10. Tsk tsk on her part. Rookie mistake.

    Have I ever told you how much you rock?

  11. Bret

    Hmmm… where can I put this while I blow him? I know, I’ll just stick it to his balls!

    Jump forward in time to after you drop her off. Ok, where did I put my gum?!?

    Definitely BlowJob Fail!

    See, I don’t think it was a complete fail, cause, yanno, I got some head. But hey, what can you do?

  12. Just A Girl

    I told you this last night, but given the amount of substances coughpbrcough abused, I’ll restate for the record.

    There is absolutely no way she didn’t realize that she lost her gum. NO WAY. She knew. She knew and she left her gum on your nuts. Think about that.

    Yeah, but fuck it. We both left our mark.

  13. I have to agree with Just A Girl here. You don’t just…lose your gum and not wonder. You check your own hair obsessively because no one wants to have a flock of seagulls ‘do because of some errant gum.

    Also, I’m sorry I made you ill with my TMI, but I also wrote one about a blowjob. Maybe it will make you feel a little better about life.

    Yeah, I was really distracted and I am pretty sure she was too. I chalk it up to shit happens.

  14. I’m going to be the odd one out and wonder that maybe she meant to leave it in. We’ve all heard of (or done) the ol’ Altoid trick, so maybe it could be transferred to Wrigley’s?

    Interesting theory. It was peppermint gum. Who knows… Yes, the altoids trick is awesome, btw.

  15. Wow, uhmm, thanks for the lesson I guess ?! lol
    Not that I would ever forget to take out my gum .. unless I was really drunk and maybe under the impression that I swallowed it (TWSS).

    There was a lot of booze involved in this story. Who knows, maybe she just forgot?

  16. kim

    Note to self- remove gum.
    Done.

    Kim, you are my hero.

  17. Ewww! That is awful! I hope that’s the only thing she left on the SS JP submarine ! LOL

    Touche!

  18. Everyone knows you shouldn’t swallow gum, and I’m assuming she applied this to all things in her mouth at the time. I say she is wise.

    Not exactly…

  19. Cass

    LMFAO!!! nice! Actually had a similar situation myself once… I might do a TMI blog next week. 🙂

    I so want to hear about this!

  20. See now if she was really talented she could’ve performed and held onto the gum in her mouth, you know, for later.

    Wow! Umm, we should totally hang out.

  21. f.B

    I’m with Colby. The problem isn’t the gum. It’s not being able to handle the gum.

    And how is it 8:54pm and no one — no one — has asked whether it was bubble gum and she was blowing bubbles? How?

    The struggle. Lol, it was Orbit white, peppermint. No bubbles, however, that would be awesome.

  22. better you finding it on your nuts than you redepositing it and her gyno finding it later. or her boyfriend. or her husband. and note to self: check hoohah for gum that came up missing last week during blow job.

    Lol, you so get me!

  23. Ouch. I’m with clairemontgomerymd. It’s worse than a pap smear.

    I know what a pap smear is, but still when I hear pap smear, I think of some real crazy shit.

  24. Matt

    so obviously she didnt swallow…

    Actually…

  25. JPP

    Just a Girl is right. She new the gum was gone and she laughed her ass off later with her friends about it.

    A good story for all.

  26. Blondie

    I can honestly say I have always removed my gum. She had to know what she was doing. You just don’t lose it that easily.
    Like others have said now you smell minty fresh.

    I would like to think we were just hammered and it got away from her, but, you never know.

  27. Oh my God. That is so awesome. High five!

    Double high five!

  28. bakingwithplath

    I don’t care how drunk you are – you always take out your gum. And if a girl didn’t, she would totally notice it not being in her mouth anymore. This whole scenario confuses me. But like others have said, at least your dick was minty.

    Yea, clearly I was the winner in this situation. Regardless of how stupid the after effects were.

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