Dating Effectively

Lexa from Culinary Couture guest posted for me a bit ago titled The Problem is You! She had sound advice, as I am sure we all have broken at least 2 of her outlined don’ts. So, how does one advance in the dating realm, effectively? Simple! Dating is a war with multiple battles to win, depending on your objective. Observe.

Preparing for Battle:

  1. What is you ideal age range and within 5 years and be reasonable. Are you hunting kitty kat’s (20’s), Puma’s (30’s), or Cougars (40+)?
  2. What activities should your future partner be interested in? This means things you can do together.
  3. What would they look like? (Best case scenario) Again, be reasonable. Look at yourself first.
  4. What are you really looking for? Boy/Girl Friend, husband/wife, ego boost, walk of shame?
  5. What qualities do they possess? (Personality wise)
  6. What are your deal breakers? THIS IS A NO BUDGE AREA!
  7. What are your best assets?

The Assault

  1. Flirtation- Spot your target and initiate contact, in a non-stalker way. Yea, I see you. Be charming, brief, and sociably approachable. You will know within 5 minutes if you are going to sleep with that person, so this should occur naturally.
  2. Negotiation- A complicated Kabuki dance of exchanging contact information. Phone number or personal email address. Twitter and Facebook are not acceptable forms of communication, but an acceptable way of doing a “background check”. A traditional 24 to 72 hours of silence is customary, then you drop the hammer and rock out. Plan your assault for a Tuesday if possible. This way you avoid being associated with a bad Monday and you are still early enough in the week to beat the friends out for their time. Be very clear that this is a date! You do not need more friends.
  3. Interaction- Welcome to the big show! The key to this is to smell good, lose your self in the moment, be confident and look interested; but not anxious or desperate. This is the most important kind of interview you could go to, I mean depending on your goals, you are possibly looking for a life partner. The initial interview is critical. Why not take a refreshing approach to this and break taboo’s. During this time you should ask about past relationships and why they didn’t work, history does repeat itself. Ask about ambitions. Discuss life goals. Housing situations. Education obtained. What kind of work are they in*. The goal at the end of the date is to know if you are compatible.

Pre-Date, Pre-Game:

  • Clothing- Do you have your sexy thong on? Does it flatter your strong points and hide your weak points? Are you dressed to handle the date?
  • Funding- Have you properly budgeted for this outing. Take dinner for example: if you go to a decent place you are looking at $30 a person for the main course only. This does not include cocktails while waiting for a seat, an aperitif drink, appetizer, dessert, and a digestif drink. Tip like you are a rock star and let them see you do it. If you are a scrooge on the tip, it says you are a deadbeat now and will always be. Then, you go and do what you had planned. Always take cash with you. I can’t tell you how many times I have been caught by the “we  don’t take cards” at a place. It is embarrassing to both you and your date and make you look unprepared.
  • Transportation- Is your car as clean and good smelling as you? Full tank of gas? Do you know where you are going? What kind of music is loaded in the deck, will it fit the mood for the ride to where ever you are going?
  • Hygiene- Showered, smooth, and hair did? Is your grill gleaming? Do you have mints?
  • Availability- Have you cleared your calendar? Told your friends you will be out? Have you lined up the “bail out text” which should be scheduled for 45 minutes within the first point of contact? Is your ringer set to silent?
  • Housing- Is your place clean? Are your roommates (parents) gone? Have you cleared all incriminating evidence such as the midget stripper porn? Are you sheets freshly washed?

If the items above are followed, as simple as it seems, your dating life can be successful! Lets face people are whacked and so are you. If you have a game plan and stick to it, it can reduce the non-sense and allow for a more memorable and pleasurable time. If you do follow this plan, please email me with your results. Cheers and happy hunting.

*Never open a conversation with “what do you do?” It is offensive because you are implying that what a person does for a living, defines them. I always respond your mom, but thats just me.


Filed under Life

18 responses to “Dating Effectively

  1. Yes, knowing dealbreakers are SO important. I have one specifically…and if I hear him say it, I just write him off. Even if he is hot, funny, engaging…GOOD BYE. I wil never be happy with him.

    Oh, I so have to know this!

  2. I’m just pleased to know that the term Puma exists. And I want to know what Lexy Luv’s dealbreaker is too!

    In fact I just renewed my Puma hunting license just the other day.

  3. Agreed. Dealbreakers are crucial. Okay so now that I have the guide, the key is where do I meet guys to implement these guidelines? Cause I seem to be having issues with that part of the equation.

    I thought I was the only man for you? “I am going to go home, see Dr. Finklestein, and I am gonna tell him we have a whole new bag of issues now … we can forget about Mom for a while”

  4. SLG

    can i print this out and bring it with me to the bar? as a guideline? rawr, i love the term puma.

    Print away! Puma is always in season.

  5. Reading this made me wish I had gone on more dates in my life…..or any at all really. It also explains why the Prez is a keeper.

    But if, you know, this doesn’t work out or something…..are spastic kids a deal breaker for you? 😉

    I’m Irish, I’ll deal with something being wrong for the rest of my life. So, if things go awry, game on.

  6. k8

    Okay. Now, I read Lexa’s post and had questions. Now I have more. Good Lord. I DID grow up under a rock. You actually know within five minutes of meeting someone whether or not you’re going to sleep with them?

    And how do you figure out what your dealbreakers are? I’m not sure I have any? I probably do, but how do you know? You all sound so sure of this thing.

    And how come the more I try to look approachable and breezy, the more horrible I feel?

    Yes, usually one is able to summarize the sexy time within 5 minutes. A deal breaker is something you would never budge on and is totally subjective. We are all nutty my dear, it just depends on the level.

  7. oh my god, i cannot wait until the next guy opens with “what do you do?” now. CANNOT WAIT. hee.

    That would be epic if you said it!

  8. f.B

    Yeah. Deal-breakers can’t be compromised. You won’t forgive yourself if you ignore them.

    I have learned this lesson twice. I now stick to my guns.

  9. bakingwithplath

    This post totally stressed me out.

    That happens to me on the daily.

  10. kolys

    Quite the science; I don’t know that I ever approached the game quite as meticulously as this.

    Things seem to have worked out for the best, though.

    More observation, less science.

  11. You are totally the only man for me. I’m just saying…in case it doesn’t work out. “I’m not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you.”

    LOL!!!!! Nice.

  12. This post was awesome. But no mention of Michael Jackson? Are you sure this is a blog?!?!?!

    No MJ here. We are a Pop non-sense area. BTW: I killed my beard last night.

  13. So does this mean I’m a Puma? Because that just sounds awesome!

    Also, regarding thongs, were you talking about men or women? A girl’s gotta ask.

    A Puma you are! I prefer the thong, all around. Because its sexy time, all the time at The Gospel.

  14. Lemmy’s dealbreaker sentence:

    “I have a good job, treat women like I would my mother, and would never get a tattoo.”

    “never get a tattoo” well. I am out of the running.

  15. You forgot the all important:

    “Will your wife find out?”

    Dude. That needs to be, like, #1.

    I will need to pick up the Mooooog35 super stealth kit for that one.

  16. theblacktulip

    “#3. What would they look like? (Best case scenario) Again, be reasonable. Look at yourself first.”

    Seriously though, more people need to look at themselves before going out. Realistic expectations are key. If you look like a hobbit, you will not be going home with Natalie Portman.

    Yea, but they may be able to land a toe thumbed Megan Fox.

  17. Pingback: Dating (Including Deal Breakers), Version 2009.1 | [F]oxymoron

  18. Dealbreaker: Making fun of me for being obsessed with blogging/Twittering. Laterrrrrr.

    What a lame dealbreaker. I’m destined to date another social media lover.

    Lol! Good luck.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s