Welcome to TMI Thursdays! As LiLu always says: Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
The other day Roomy #1 comes home from hanging out with the girls and making her new boyfriend a gift. So, the question of the day is, what do you get a guy that lives a solid 4 hour plane ride away for his birthday? Cologne, a jersey, new set of golf clubs? Nope. You break out bedazzler and create a gift that keeps on giving:
That’s right ladies and gentlemen, you bedazzle his name on a pair of thongs! I seriously had 2 thoughts. First, wow. Really? Second, so you are telling me basically you are gift wrapping your pussy for his birthday. Now in most normal conversations it would have stopped there, but in our house the fun had just begun. Because she showed me the back of said underoos:
Yes, that is a bedazzled heart on the back of the thong. So, in theory, the only thing visible is this heart and the top strap, as we know the rest gets, um, lost in the abyss.
Now, I really didn’t give too much commentary at first, but then we were at the bar watching the Magic finally posting a win. I was out with Roomy #1 and the Ex, when the Ex leaned over and said, “did roomy #1 tell you we went to the sex toy mega-mart?” Me, “no she did not mention that you went too.” I was slowly thinking to myself, that I was glad I ended up not going. Well, the Ex then says, “did you see the gift she made for the new guy?” The flood gates were know open. The following are some comments I made about the bedazzled thong:
- Personalized gift wrapped pussy! There is no greater gift.
- You can unwrap this gift in so many ways. Slow, fast, with you teeth, hell you can even pull the wrapper a side and peek in.
- Putting his name on it is saying he now basically owns your nether region. “But do you have a flag?”
- Instead of a heart you should have bedazzled an arrow pointing down.
- Even better, attach one of those flashing arrows people have on their bikes, that way he knows where to go in the dark!
- No, no, no, better yet, leave the heart in the front and have an arrow in the back. Then you can avoid the entire “cool with the back-door” conversation. If that’s how you want to roll.
- Who uses a bedazzler? I mean I know Mr. T is trying to make a come back, but that doesn’t mean everything from the 80’s is cool again. However, strong work on the strategic use of the 80’s.
- Lol, are you going to let him keep these as a souvenir? HA!
I am not kidding you when I say this went on for ages. In fact sitting and writing this I have come up with a few more. But I will save it for the golf course when I take the new guys money and harass him about this. Although it did get me thinking. This is kind of like a mail order bride in concept. She is flying to him, to give on his birthday, a gift that theoretically keeps on giving. Or at least until it gives out.
Enjoy the rest of your TMI Thursday kids!