This is why I am not a people person

This is what I would like to email someone in my office today:

I have a few comments to make about the time-line that was crafted. In fact I have a few general comments to make about things that have been troubling me.

1) Yes, as a team, corporate wide, we worked on this. However, I am the one that invested 4 days, again 4 days in pulling the resources together. Then distributed it to the sources and asked for their input. So, we did work on it, the entire department. However, it is best to recognize that it took me 4 days to accomplish it. When giving it to you (this morning) I was received with negative comments. Then, I was accosted by you making sure we were all recognized in this. This was not an individual credit issue, nor was it anything other than providing a detailed report to a guy that likes details. Your approach has greatly upset me.

2) Recent comments have been directed my way and I have held my tongue; however, today has brought these items to a head. In fact this morning a comment was made about “ritalin” because I wanted to get the time-line done. As someone who has ADD, this is highly offensive. In fact it would be the equivalent of me insinuating that you need lithium carbonate. Further more, the comment the other day about my hand writing the other day, was completely out of line. I know my writing is not the best and is something i just have to live with. Thats what you get for having many hand injuries and a shattered elbow as a kid learning how to write. Please keep your comments in check.

3) The daily tantrums I over hear have also gotten to me. Whether you are writing an email or just getting off the phone, you make very negative comments. The persistent outbursts make the work environment a very negative place to be and quite frankly, I am over it. Please keep your negative comments to yourself.

4) Over all your abrasive and in-flexible attitude make it very difficult to work with you. Might I suggest a more “grey” approach to things, as in our department, as you very well know, nothing is “black and white,” nor will it ever be.

5) Now that I have politely addressed these issues I would like to say one last thing. Just because I sit here and do not respond to your non-sense, it doesn’t mean that I will not react. Your unprofessional behavior will not be placed on my shoulders. In fact, step out of line again and I will bring the ruckus. Just because I wear a shirt and tie and “conform” to those that sign my check, does not mean that their isn’t a tattooed, crazy, slightly unstable mick lurking beneath. I will destroy you. Remember you need a job so you can pay for your wedding; I am looking for an excuse to get out of town. I highly suggest not giving me one.

In conclusion, I leave you with these parting words. Go fuck yourself you crazy-ass bitch. Do not fuck with me, cause my vindictive nature is truly embraced as I really do enjoy retribution. This retribution will come out in way you would never expect. Then, just for shits and giggles, I will write about it for the world to see.

Thank you for your time and attention to these matters.

Cooler than a Freddy Jackson sipping a milkshake in a snow storm,
JP

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14 Comments

Filed under Non-Sense

14 responses to “This is why I am not a people person

  1. I’m new to your blog and this may be out of line but I think I Love You!

    From,
    A fellow writer of open letters

    Lol, this was a good day to drop in. Call it controlled anger, this is a new concept I am working on. Thanks for dropping in.

  2. That sucks, friend. There is one of those assholes at every job. Those are the kind of people that have no friends and no social life. They are also the kind of people that have probably been punched in the face more times than they would like.

    It has been a loooong time since I had the thought of “Dear Lord Baby Jesus, if this chick does not shut her mouth, I swear to you I will break her.”

  3. Mags from TX

    WOW – Do you teach a writing class? Provide therapy?

    Lol, nope I just run my mouth way too much. However, I do host therapy session at the local bar on Sat. nights.

  4. Tattoo. Crazy. Slightly unstable. Irish. Hmmm. I think we’re supposed to date.

    Any time babe! I am your man.

  5. ericanicole234

    haha. ahh.. Gotta love work. I have drafted many a letter similar to this one.. although yours is put much nicer… and you probably didn’t actually say anything to anyone you work with about it.. I have a tendency to open my mouth when someone pisses me off.. it makes me feel so much better!

    Good luck with the crazy!!

    I was pretty stealth ninja about the whole thing. I feel I can make her suffer more if she thinks that it unintentional. (Point for JP)

  6. k8

    I’m just now learning that I’m allowed to even THINK such things. You give me hope.

    I will slowly corrupt you. BTW: this was an actual email I drafted and almost sent it. It was hard core for a moment.

  7. well done son.

    now send it.

    I am finding out self control is a serious hooker!

  8. Jen - tsk

    Oooooh, well put!! If said co-worker gets you irate again you could take it out on my crazy ass bitch of a coworker if you like?? I honestly don’t mind!!

    Only if i can drop an elbow off the top rope!

  9. I have wanted to send a similar email to a few bitches at my work. Working is tough, not so much due to the work itself, but the office politics and insane amount of bullshit and horrible people you have to deal with everyday!

    When I was in the ER, thing were so much simpler. You just did your job. If you didn’t your patient died. Simple. This office crap blows because everything is petty. Lame!

  10. SLG

    “controlled anger.” i’m working on that too. except i’ve gotten nowhere. it’s no fun and not NEARLY as rewarding.

    now send the email you wuss.

    Lol, I would if I had another job lined up. Know of anyone hiring?

  11. Forget the e-mail, it can be tracked back to you. Go kill a city rat and leave it on her desk.

    This is why I like you!

  12. f.B

    Dude… dropping a Freddy Jackson ref? Classic. Seriously: classic.

    Thank you sir! I felt the situation warranted it.

  13. Excellent parting words, my friend.

    Thank you. This post gets me thinking about law school again.

  14. Just Playing Pretend

    You were so calm and eloquent in expressing your feelings and then you let it all out in the last paragraph. It was my favorite!

    Sometimes I think I would make a great politician.

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