How could you do this to me?

Dear Hollywood,

I have a serious issue with your recent bout of laziness. You have taken my beloved cartoons, super hero’s, and comic characters from the 80’s and made them into film. I admit, you have done a few good things with the films but others, not so much. Let’s look at some good things you’ve done: Iron Man, Transformers, X-Men, and most recently Star Trek. But, there is some down side to your non-existent creative license.

Now, think about this, there has been copy catting going on for quite some time. Look how the Power Rangers ripped off Voltron; this was strike one. Then came the endless Spider man series, yes it was cool at first, then it killed itself with a love story. This is where I really noticed the trend of the re-make sequels. Where is the originality? The spice of life that is not previously based off a book, earlier movie, or cartoon/show?

You may be thinking, JP what in the world are you going on about? Well folks, I was at the movies the other day watching Star Trek (decent enough) and I saw the following preview for G.I. Joe, my American childhood hero:

What the hell? Bionic suits? Where the hell did the real hero’s go? Why did Hollywood rape G.I. Joe? Did the maker of the Crystal Skull get another job? Seriously! This is the G.I. Joe I remember:

Hollywood, the He-Man movie “Masters of the Universe” circa 1987 with Dolph Lundgren, does that ring a bell? Everyone should have learned a cinematic lesson from that abomination. For those that forgot:

Oh, did I mention that a new He-Man movie is set to come out in 2010? Yea.

So, could everyone with a camera just stop! Stop your non-sense. Be creative or at least do it old school and get totally bombed and just come up with anything. It would most certainly be better than this bullshit you call a movie. Also, before I forget, I swear to Baby-Jesus, if you screw around with the Thundercats, I will personally kick everyone in the credits, squarely in the balls!

Stop and desist,

JP

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9 Comments

Filed under Life, Uncategorized

9 responses to “How could you do this to me?

  1. Ugh, I’m with you. Apparently it’s too much work to write original movies these days, we have to re-make everything? Or base it on a TV show? Or cast Jonah Hill in it?

    Star Trek… X-Men… Transformers… another Sex and the fucking City movie…

    Yeesh.

    It is sheer laziness (I know a thing or two about this subject) and it is pissing me off. Cut to the bone!

  2. Boy, amen, I was on the fence about GI JOE until I saw the trailer, and I was like, “WTF is this, Halo?” and went firmly into the “No way, no how” camp. They totally could’ve kept me interested if:

    1. COBRA Commander! In that face-plated helmet of his.

    2. Or someone looking into the camera while kids cluster around his legs, “And, kids, remember: knowing is half the battle.”

    But, I mean, seriously … WTF is this shit. Was that the Baroness? WTF happened to her accent? Where are those little bobble-things the Cobra infantry flew around in?

    No interested whatsofuckingmuch ever, thank you very much. I’ll be quite content with Harry Potter & the Tarantino Nazi-scalp film.

    I am so in for the new Tarantino flick! Yea, how are they going to pull a PSA out of this shitty flick? Bastards!

  3. Totally in agreement with you. Reason why I have never and will not willingly pay to watch the Transformers remake despite the fact that there is a hot chick in it.

    GI Joe was best remembered as the cartoon and the PSA’s “Knowing is half the battle”.

    I would have seen it if, IF, they didn’t have the gay bionic suits. Really? Bionic Suits? I remember when the individual was rewarded in G.I. Joe for wearing their own kick-ass uniforms. Lame!

  4. Umm, sweetie . . . you do realize that now that you’ve said it, they’ll disgrace Thundercats too, right? I’ll keep my fingers crossed with you, but it might just be a matter of time now.
    You’re completely right about this subject though. Almost everything coming out of Hollywood these days is a remake of something else. Can’t anybody come up with a new creative story anymore? This is the very basis for my fear that one day all the stories that could ever be written, will have been written.

  5. You sound like my husband. šŸ˜‰

    He sounds like a wise man.

  6. Somethings are better left alone!

    Though I did really adore Iron Man.

    100% correct. Iron Man was pretty cool.

  7. Kim

    Can I sign on to this letter some how?

    Absolutely, now wheres that damn pen?

  8. Do not even hate on a movie that stars my lover Channing Tatum. Whammy.

    No Whammy! LAME with a side of Gaaaay!

  9. f.B

    Dear god. If they even so much as think about a Thundercats movie, we need to hunt them down. I’ve got good stealthy skills, not quite ninja, but good enough to get the job done.

    I will bring the heavy elbow.

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