Why you are mighty wet

Living in a sub-tropical environment you get used to 3 seasons rather than 4. In Florida, particularly Central and South Florida there is Summer, Fall, and Spring. Spring is hot coupled with an occasional rain shower. Summer is blazing hot and you can set your watch to the rain, everyday, at 4pm. Fall goes from hot to cool and typically cools down to less than 80 around November. We have about 10 days that go below 50, so there is no real winter.

However, driving in today I thought about how our Summer/rainy season is the Northern folks Winter. I always hear about wicked snow storms that take out power and hear how people can’t drive. As if they have never drove before in outdoor conditions. Yes, I realize what I just said and I am leaving it. Well snow people reading this, we have had our first heavy rain of the season. 24 hours and still going strong. Strong enough in fact, that the roof in my office building is leaking. Also, the people on the road cannot drive worth a damn. Like 5 accidents in a 1 mile stretch of road.

So, why am I going on about weather and traffic? 2 of my most hated conversation topics? Because the first rain of the season makes me smile for 2 reasons; it was the start of the surf season and a little Asian lady checked her mail at a bad time.

So I was driving down a residential street during a 3 day long rain and I see this little Asian woman, in a rain coat, checking her mail, and a huge puddle was in front of her… Don’t judge, you know you would do this too. As I watched her slowly walk down her drive way I started laughing, just a bit, because seriously when does a perfect storm like this ever come along? As she got to her mail box I rounded the corner, both right tires hit the what could be described as an asphalt lake, a tsunami esque wave peeled off the side of my car. I watched in slow motion as a 4 foot wall of water hit this poor unsuspecting Asian lady right in the face and washed over her.

Marinate on that for a moment. Asian lady, rain coat, and wall of water. I laughed. I luaged so hard in fact I almost hit the stop sign. I was laughing so hard about the facial expression and feeble attempt to dodge the wave, that seriously I though my sides would split open. Even better was where I was going on this rainy day. I was headed to my grandmothers house to check on her. Thats right ladies and gents, I hit an old lady with a wall of water on my way to see my grandmother.

So upon my arrival at my grandma’s house I was still laughing my balls off. I walk inside, still laughing mind you and see my grandma. She inquires as to why I am nearly pissing myself. I tell her very nonchalantly about the carnage I unleashed. Then, my 80 year old grandmother starts laughing so hard tears are coming from her eyes. Yes, me and my grandma laughed at the misfortune of an old lady.

This is why I like the first rainy day of the season.


Filed under Life

15 responses to “Why you are mighty wet

  1. Omg, I am laughing but thats so awful! What if she had fallen and could not get up?

    Seeing how this was a completely dick move, I would have gotten out the car and kicked her… I kid, seriously, no harm came to old ladies while filming this episode.

  2. haha. I would have done the same thing then as my defense I would have said the lady deserved it.

    This happened 8 years ago and I still laugh when I think about it.

  3. That’s evil. Although it might make me more evil to think where you were going with the story. When you mentioned bad drivers and then said Asian woman, I put two and two together.

    Yea, its Florida not Maryland. Ha!

  4. Speaking as a pedestrian in a country where we also have three seasons (Snow, Rain and Fog) I can honestly say that I wouldn’t have been able to do this. I’ve been doused by cars/buses/whatever too many times on the way to work and it’s HORRIBLE. Especially when your clothes and hair freeze during the post-tsunami portion of the walk and break off.

    That said, I can appreciate the irony here. And I guess she was close to her house, so it’s not like she was in danger of frostbite.

    Yea, but she had a rain coat on, that made it totally rad!

  5. SLG

    I did this to a teenage girl a few years ago. It made my day, but a little asian lady would have honestly been a lot funnier. See you in hell.

    I am sure if I did it to a teenage girl I would end up in jail and hell at the same time. lol.

  6. I took a sick day today, so catching up on blogs is fantastically fantastic. Thank you for adding a lil’ laughter to my day. I know I shouldn’t be laughing. But fuckit. It’s funny.

    Ohh a day off sounds right on! I laugh because of this incident all the time.

  7. mean mean mean mean mean!!!!

    No, funny. If I hit her with the car that would be mean.

  8. this was horrible. and hilarious. i love it. my granny would love it too!

    Mine was laughing as hard as I was.

  9. theblacktulip

    I LOVE this story. You are so going to hell for that…but I think you will get the room with the sometimes working AC because Lucifer appreciates rainy day humor.

    Oh there is already reserved seating in VIP for me.

  10. “Why you are mighty wet”
    sounds like the name of a porno.

    Don’t tell people about our project!

  11. “So upon my arrival at my grandma’s house I was still laughing my balls off.”

    I would mention that your grandmother and your balls should probably never meet in the same sentence.

    Does it make you nervous?

  12. I am completely going to hell, but I cannot stop laughing as I picture this.

    I wish someone was with me to witness it. Wicked Awesome.

  13. k8

    I don’t think I like you anymore.

    I’m sorry babe. Told you I had issues.

  14. Oh man. That would have been a funny fucking sight.

    It was classic!

  15. lexi

    Living in central fl and enjoying this lovely weather we’re having I can fully comprend why that moment was so hilariously awesome!! I would have paid 2 see it lol =)

    And it is still f-in raining.

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