Hey y’all! I’m the entirely deranged yet hopefully lovable LiLu from Live It, Love It. If you’re reading JP on the reg (DUH), then you’re already familiar with the most vile awesome of my brain children, TMI Thursdays. We’ll keep it a bit more low-key then that today, because it’s probably against some sort of blogging-societal rules to go over to another man’s corner and write about sharting yourself. You can thank me later. (Unless you just clicked on that, in which case, how did that breakfast look the second time around?)
We had worked our way through four years of high school and finally, GLORIOUSLY, had arrived at the top. The classes were assigned a color when they entered their freshman year, which they kept with them throughout their tenure at the school. Ours was green, and it was good for basically two things; Field Day, and the Class Prank.
The graduating class who passed green on to us was LE. GEN. DARY. You see, a class is forever judged by the prank they pull, and these people managed to steal the 20-foot inflatable Gumby off a building in Woos-tah, Massachusetts (A DOLLAH TWENTY-FIYUV!!!)- the same Gumby we all drove by nearly every damn day. He was a local icon, and he was green… and they stole him, and managed to get him up on the roof of our tiny little high school, where he waved at the world for a whole day.
Tell me that’s not awesome. Try. (See, you can’t do it.)
Anyhoo, the classes in between them and us were weak sauce, man. If they even pulled pranks, I can’t remember them, that’s how WEAK they were. So we knew when it was our turn, we had to amp it up. It had to be big, it had to be bold… we needed to make some history.
We had an advantage because as the girlfriend of an older degenerate, my already-graduated boyfriend has passed on to me the key to one of the school’s doors. (I didn’t ask how he got it. I didn’t want to know.) The night before Field Day, my hooligan Robotrippin’* friends and I snuck into the building, armed with green silly string, a whole lotta green dish washing detergent…
And a goat.
A goat that we had painted green.**
The funny thing is, I can’t even remember where we got him from (I think he was donated from a classmate who lived on a farm)… but we sure did. We put that green goat in the middle of the high school courtyard, and then set to work silly-stringing every locker and detergent-ing every floor of that whole damn school.
Mama would be so proud.
The next day, we arrived on time for the first time in months to watch the reaction to our handiwork… and MAYHEM ENSUED. How the fuck do you clean up dish detergent, after all? WATER? Bwahahahahaha! And where, my friend, do you stash a green goat? First you have to check the Missing Goat ads, I suppose. School was shut down for two days while they tried to clean up our mess.
It was pretty damn smart for a couple of 18 year old know-it-all asshats, methinks.
We were grilled, but no one broke, and they never could prove who it was. We will be forever known as The Class of the Green Goat.
And I couldn’t be prouder.
*As UD says, Robotripping: Drinking an entire bottle of Robotussin cough syrup (containg DXM), with the intention of purposely hallucinating.
**No goats were harmed in the making of this high school prank production.