Cheerio! That’s hello in British for those of you not “in the know.” (Jen just let me know it’s actually goodbye in British. Whatevs. It’s hello today.) My name is Maxie and I’m going to be taking over The Gospel of JP today. If you ask me, it was pretty brave of JP to allow me to have free reign over his blog. I considered pulling a prank or two, but to tell you the truth I’m not sure what would really get under JP’s skin. You see, we only had one face-to-face encounter… maybe I should say head-to-boob because that was the most memorable part of the night. I’d go into details, but I’m saving it for my tell all book coming out next month.
Since I can’t actually play a prank on JP, I decided I’d tell you about one of the awesome pranks I pulled in high school and how you can pull it off too. The first step is to be an awesome liar and be able to keep a straight face. I’m a pretty damn good liar. In fact, it’s my 3rd best skill–I’ll let y’all guess the others. If you can’t lie then you should probably pull an ashton kutcher and hire someone to lie for you.
God, Punk’d was so good in the beginning. Remember when they made Justin Timberlake cry? That was GOLD.
Anyway, I was quite the prankster in high school, but there’s one prank that stands out among the rest. I’d like to refer to that prank as the peeking penis.
One day, my two best friends Nat, Justin, and I were bored. I’d just turned 18, so we decided to go for a little romp to the sex toy store. I’m not sure why, maybe because the name was funny, but we ended up buying a Junior Asian Dong.
We had plans to hang out at a friend’s house that night, and as we were pulling up we had the PERFECT idea. Right as we were walking up to the house Justin slipped the Jr. Asian in his pants in the “tucked up” position. I think that’s what guys do to hide their boners in their waistbands, but I can’t be sure. The kicker was Justin positioned the dong an inch or two above his pants. When we all sat down in the living room we made sure that Justin was sitting on the opposite side of the room from most of the guests, fake penis hidden under his shirt.
After we got settled, the magic happened. Every few minutes Justin would stretch his arms up, raising his shirt–raising his shirt and exposing the tip of this fake penis. It was pretty much the same color as his skin, and from across the room you couldn’t tell that it was fake. Seeing someone try to silently react to an exposed penis head is one of the most awesome things EVER. One girl even shrieked and immediately pulled the host into the other room to tell him what was going on.
A few minutes later the host told Nat that we needed to have a talk with Justin about his little problem, and as if on cue, Justin took the Junior Asian out of his pants and threw it in the girl’s face.
It was fucking amazing, but I’m glad I wasn’t on the receiving end of the fake penis face toss.
Feel free to use this prank as you like– I won’t even make you pay me as long as you email me and tell me how awesome it went.