Pants On Fire

Cheerio! That’s hello in British for those of you not “in the know.” (Jen just let me know it’s actually goodbye in British. Whatevs. It’s hello today.) My name is Maxie and I’m going to be taking over The Gospel of JP today. If you ask me, it was pretty brave of JP to allow me to have free reign over his blog. I considered pulling a prank or two, but to tell you the truth I’m not sure what would really get under JP’s skin. You see, we only had one face-to-face encounter… maybe I should say head-to-boob because that was the most memorable part of the night. I’d go into details, but I’m saving it for my tell all book coming out next month. 

Since I can’t actually play a prank on JP, I decided I’d tell you about one of the awesome pranks I pulled in high school and how you can pull it off too. The first step is to be an awesome liar and be able to keep a straight face. I’m a pretty damn good liar. In fact, it’s my 3rd best skill–I’ll let y’all guess the others. If you can’t lie then you should probably pull an ashton kutcher and hire someone to lie for you. 

God, Punk’d was so good in the beginning. Remember when they made Justin Timberlake cry? That was GOLD. 

Anyway, I was quite the prankster in high school, but there’s one prank that stands out among the rest. I’d like to refer to that prank as the peeking penis. 

One day, my two best friends Nat, Justin, and I were bored. I’d just turned 18, so we decided to go for a little romp to the sex toy store. I’m not sure why, maybe because the name was funny, but we ended up buying a Junior Asian Dong. 

We had plans to hang out at a friend’s house that night, and as we were pulling up we had the PERFECT idea. Right as we were walking up to the house Justin slipped the Jr. Asian in his pants in the “tucked up” position. I think that’s what guys do to hide their boners in their waistbands, but I can’t be sure. The kicker was Justin positioned the dong an inch or two above his pants. When we all sat down in the living room we made sure that Justin was sitting on the opposite side of the room from most of the guests, fake penis hidden under his shirt. 

After we got settled, the magic happened. Every few minutes Justin would stretch his arms up, raising his shirt–raising his shirt and exposing the tip of this fake penis. It was pretty much the same color as his skin, and from across the room you couldn’t tell that it was fake. Seeing someone try to silently react to an exposed penis head is one of the most awesome things EVER. One girl even shrieked and immediately pulled the host into the other room to tell him what was going on. 

A few minutes later the host told Nat that we needed to have a talk with Justin about his little problem, and as if on cue, Justin took the Junior Asian out of his pants and threw it in the girl’s face. 

It was fucking amazing, but I’m glad I wasn’t on the receiving end of the fake penis face toss. 

Feel free to use this prank as you like– I won’t even make you pay me as long as you email me and tell me how awesome it went. 

If you would like to hump my words daily, check me out at ihatesomuch.com.

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24 Comments

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24 responses to “Pants On Fire

  1. wonder if it would be as funny or funnier if a girl showed a little tucker? or just creepy?

  2. Did she catch it????

    (P.S cheerio = bye) x

  3. Matt

    HAHA Nicely done Maxie.

    +1.

  4. I’m pretty sure that’s my favorite prank idea EVER EVER EVER

  5. ummm did you realize that Jonah Hill talks about flipping boners into his waistband in Superbad?

    i know you know this, because i know you want to fuck him. oh wait, i mean Seth Rogen.

  6. Just A Girl

    Oh my god the fact that he threw it in her face made that the best prank in the entire world.

    I told some guy at the bar on Saturday that I wasn’t really a girl because he was douchin it up. I wish I’d had a junior asian dong when I said it…

  7. I’m going to do that at my next staff meeting.

  8. I would really like a girl to try that prank. Classic.

  9. Ha – I love it. Now, did she catch it when thrown? Or just shriek again?

    It’s hard to prepare for a flying penis.

  10. That? Is awesome. Can I just hire you and Justin to come do that at all my parties/formal functions?

  11. awesome prank, made more so by the proper noun Junior Asian Dong. you know it’s only made because there is a market for such a specific thing, weird!

  12. Damn, that is good… it reminds me of one I pulled our senior year, but it’s not nearly as good. Why do you always one up me, woman??

  13. “It’s hard to prepare for a flying penis.” Ha ha ha! Great prank, Maxie.

  14. Oh come one why did it have to be an Asian dong?

  15. Seriously, that is a great prank!! My mind is reeling as to when I can do this ( or have the Duke do it) I guess I could do it..then it really would freak people out…hmmmm….

  16. HAHA! That’s hilarious. I can’t even imagine how awesome those people’s faces looked.

  17. penis.

    i just want to say penis

  18. my current one won’t work b/c of the bright pink-ness of it… I’ll have to invest in a new one to pull this off.

  19. Desert Rat

    That is a great prank…I would have died lauging if I saw it there sticking out.

  20. that is hilarious!

  21. Pingback: In Which I Completely Copy My Wife, Maxie « The Gospel of JP

  22. verybadcat

    Holy Penis, that was funny. 😉

  23. Mel

    That’s so horribly funny!

  24. Pingback: In Which I Completely Copy My Wife, Maxie

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