Gas Chamber

Welcome to TMI Thursdays! As LiLu always says: Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

TMI Thursday

This TMI is a light one this week. My graphic foot splatter from last week may have set the bar a bit high.

On Saturday’s my friends and I had a ritual of going to beach and surfing the best breaks we could find in Florida. This Saturday was no different, in fact we found a spot we called monster hole; this is where Nate got bit by a shark on his big toe. We called it his frog bite. Anyways, the night before we went to a massive southern style buffet and threw down as if we had grown up in some impoverished nation never seeing that amount of food. Ever. Let’s just say I went a little wild on the “greens”. Collards, mustard, turnip, and okra were all in attendance.The thing about greens and I, well its a love hate relationship. I love them and they don’t love me. However, they do give me super Iraqi style death gas. This Saturday morning I speak of is no different.

As we are driving to Cocoa Beach in Nate’s behemoth of a 1992 red Ford  station wagon, Gabes, Dutch, and Carl were passed out in the back. I had shotgun and was loaded ready to go. As we cruised down the road I blasted a wicked fart, not too silent, but not too loud. All the windows were up (ones in the back were broken) and it was a temperate 88 degrees outside. It was the perfect storm of farts. I let’er rip and as soon as I did Nate just laughed.

About a minute goes by and I think all is clear until I heard Carl awake from a dead sleep, “Dude! What the fuck is that smell?”

Nate, “what are you talking about bro?”

Carl, “Oh shit, I can’t breathe! Open the the fucking windows!”

Nate, “Dude, windows are broke.”

Me laughing hysterically and watching the other guys wake up to this tragic smell as well.

Gabes, “Pull the fucking car over!”

Dutch, “I think I am going to be sick.”

Carl, “JP you are a dick!”

Gabes, “You guys are assholes!”

Nate pulled the car over and we all bailed out. Nate and I laughing so hard we were crying! The fart was so bad that we had to air the car out for about 5 minutes on the side of the road in Cocoa beach. Seriously that shit lingered. I was proud of my handy work. I had ripped the worst fart of my life and there were people trapped in the car to suffer through it. A dutch oven had nothing on the station wagon. Just. Plain. Awesome!


Filed under Friends

18 responses to “Gas Chamber

  1. LOL…. nice.

    It always makes me snicker when this happens to me and some poor unsuspecting fool has to deal with the consequences!

    Oh wait… I’m a girl… I’m probably not supposed to say that…. but *eh*… whatever! 🙂

    Girls are the worst. They are silent gas ninjas, there kill!

  2. Hahaha – farts are funny. There’s just no getting around it. And unsuspecting victims? Even better.

    The funniest ones are in the shower!

  3. This is EXACTLY why one of my tags is “Dutch ovens are ALWAYS funny, no matter what you say.”

    Agree 100%

  4. My cousin did this to me once, only he’d had eggs and Long John Silvers. It was all sulfury and greasy smelling…ugh, I’m gagging just thinking about it. 😛

    That reminds me of BioDome where they would guess the food based on the gas.

  5. LOL. You are mean! You should be declared a chemical weapon.

    Where would one register their ass for such a use?

  6. agree with hannah. you could be our secret weapon against the terrorists!

    Quick bring in JP’s ass, we will win this war in no time at all! LOL…

  7. Heehee I would totally do that. I love that it woke someone up.

    I was laughing as I wrote this. It is still funny.

  8. I’m too much of a lady to talk about my farts. Hell, I’m too much of a lady to fart at all.

    It was the cat.

    Oh, you are one of those girls. The worst kind of offender!

  9. remind me to NEVER go on a roadtrip with you

    I promise I will behave, only if you want me to.

  10. Jen

    Lmao that’s awesome!

    It was stellar. Almost as funny as the time I hit a puddle with my car and a wave of sewer water hit a small Asian woman checking her mail!

  11. I just wrote about the guy on my train ride to work this morning who gassed me. Were you in San Francisco this morning? If you were, we have a score to settle…

    The gas ninja over here!

  12. Mobile Dutch oven! Classic!

    That is awesome!

  13. f.B

    My brother does this way more times than I should be able to survive. It’s like someone dumped a pile of dead animals in the car.

    Like a garbage truck hit a skunk!

  14. Flora

    lmfao – way too funny. Almost got me in trouble at work because I’m laughing too hard….

    That is awesome! But stay out of trouble so you can come back to see me…

  15. LMAO I can never, ever do that. It might be nice to punish people that way.

    Awww, I know you got it in you…

  16. Mags from TX

    You are bad – found your blog in a long, convoluted way so here I am. Just this past week in the Houston Chronicle was a story about a motel room full of Hispanics in Waco: One guy farted and one of the others threw a knife at him (hit the farter in the knee), then the knife-thrower grabbed the knife and stabbed the farter in the chest. Funniest fart story I had read until this one.

    I like long and convoluted! If I farted and someone threw a knife at me I would be pissed, for reals. Thanks for dropping in.

  17. Ew. A “heavy” fart that won’t just blow away. Nothing is worse! 🙂

    Oh it was deadly!

  18. Pingback: TMI Thursday: I'm a Bit *Moist* In The Pants | Livit, Luvit

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