Welcome to TMI Thursdays! As LiLu always says: Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
The following story should not be enjoyed while eating breakfast… You have been warned! Now, another edition of TMI Thursday, ER edition.
I started thinking about the concept of TMI Thursday and one simple thing is missing, the gross. Most people think gross is puke, piss, or the occasional poo. Not at the Gospel! I am often asked, JP what is the grossest thing you have ever scene? Easy answer, exploding foot.
Let me paint your palate with something new. I came on shift and inherited a patient from the day shift. A homeless man about 45-50 years old. He had diabetes, MRSA, and Gangrene; his foot was rotten. He had been admitted for antibiotics and a minor amputation of said foot. For a guy in a really bad condition, he was in good spirits. Spry almost and very eager to get back out into the world and get face first into a 40 oz.; we at least had one thing in common.
Now, for those not familiar with gangrene it is nasty. It is a gnarly complication of necrosis, characterized by the decay of tissue which becomes black or sometimes green. If you are lucky (the health care provider) it will remain a closed wound. But if that bad boy opens up the following scenario will ensue:
I took the guy up the surgical floor in a wheel chair, because obviously walking is not the preferred choice. I get him to his room and as we turn in he looked at me and said, “I got it!” Before I could even think about the statement, he was up and walking; bandages unraveling. He took one step out and his left foot hit the floor and I heard ***SQUISH!*** followed by a light ***SPLATTER*** like that sound water makes when it hits a shower curtain, yea; accompanied by a light dusting of stank. I looked down and saw what looked like a splatter painted canvas with hues of red, green and a mauve white. But that is not the worst part.
The smell of rotting flesh, freshly painted across the floor is something no one is prepared for! AT. ALL. Imagine, a potpourri-esque flavoring of meat that has been locked in a warm cooler for a week, topped with eggs that have been pickled and sat out in the sun, combined with a caustic tequila tinged toilet smell, fresh in the morning after a bender. Now, I will let that marinate in your brain for a minute.
Imagine that scene combined with smell and JP locked inside an isolation room with it all. I was scratching the paint off the wall to get out of there! So, I politely said, “you are fucking insane” and pissed of out of there. The nurse I was “talking to” at the time rounded the corner and before she saw me, she said “what the hell is that smell.” We meet our eyes lock and without skipping a beat I said, “that wonderful smell is me and your new patient whose left foot is now all over the floor.” Her response, “well I guess you won’t be sleeping at my place in the morning.” Yea, I was the billboard for sexy!
I get back down to the ER, went to the break room and stripped to my boxers. Put on a patient gown and b-lined it to the surgical scrub in area. I could not escape the skank! I was rancid. Seriously it was so bad I was turning green and had to go home and use Gojo pumice hand cleaner to scrub myself. I scrubbed my skin raw with that damn soap to get that stuff off.
Around 6 am I get a call from the nurse I was “talking to” to tell me that she couldn’t stop puking after she dressed his wounds and they sent her home too! My reply was, “well I guess you are not coming over here then” and proceeded to laugh my nuts off.
That ladies and gentlemen was the worst full sensory experience of my life!