Everyone is not Irish…Lá Fhéile Pádraig

**I have made sure all youtube posts are okay for work**

Yes, I am about to hate on St. Patrick’s Day! Not really, just the douche bag participants. One of my most coveted days. The day of the Irish feast so powerful that if it fell on Lent, the restrictions could be lifted by the local Bishop and thou could eat meat. A glorious day of days that we reflect on the patron saints of Ireland; even Jesus gets a little jealous about this celebration. But, this year I have a few things to address, nay, thrust upon my public, before I roll out this evening for my cabbage and bacon stew.

If you observe observe other religious celebrations that are not within the realm of the Protestant or Catholic grips, chances are you are not Irish. This is okay, I am only about 75% myself. I enjoy hanging out with diverse crowds and having them be interested in my celebration.* Though I die a bit inside when I see a South Asian or even a French man wearing one of those gay green and black Guinness hats, wearing a button that says “kiss me I’m Irish.” NO. YOU. ARE. NOT! You are the douche bag that spilled beer on me last year and almost got me arrested, because I “may” have not “reacted” in the best manner possible.**

Well, heres the deal. I like to enjoy my cultural heritage with gusto; nay, fervor! I am not saying the non-Irish can’t join in, all I am saying is remember that its a Gaelic tradition to get hammered and fight. A few broken bottles, chairs, or girlfriends… It could all happen to you, if you do not observe a few cultural things.

Do not discuss the religious divide. You think the Sunni’s and Shiite’s have gone at it, well just turn on the news in Dublin.

  1. Do not discuss the religious divide. You think the Sunni’s and Shiite’s have gone at it, well just turn on the news in Dublin.
  2. Do not claim to be in the IRA. You never know where those guys are at.
  3. If you hear Sláinte (Slawn-Cha) toast back accordingly. Salud, Cheers, Prost, Ba’sal’a’ma’ti, L’chaim, Kampai, or Na zdorovje just does not work.
  4. Dressing like an asshole, still makes you an asshole; No matter how much green you wear. Especially when green is the representation of the island, not the Patron Saint, thats the color blue.
  5. If you get drunk thats cool. If you get drunk and cannot handle your booze, don’t drink. Just because we are celebrating doesn’t mean you can act like a douche bag. Remember it is still a religious observance.

Okay, I have said my piece. Now, for my friends that are not Irish, its cool I still like ya. In fact I hope to see you out tonight. I will be in my usual dive that is serving cheap beer and good Irish fare. For those looking to have a good night, may I suggest taking a few pointers from the following commerical from my friends at Guinness:

Oh yea, the Jewish girl at work just came over and said,”I have my green on, where’s yours?” Well, the last I checked I do not own a “green” work shirt. That went out of style in the 70’s beeotch. Prime example of the douchebaggery I am trying to avoid today.  I may be feeling a little stabby.

*At this point please keep in mind I am hating on it.

**You throw one bottle at a guy and cops get upset.

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9 Comments

Filed under Family Traditions

9 responses to “Everyone is not Irish…Lá Fhéile Pádraig

  1. took the words right out of my mouth. i’ll drink to that. cheers!

    I guess I am feeling a bit crusty today.

  2. But the important thing about the Jewish girl. Is she hot? Because that can relieve the douchebaggery for awhile.

    Nope! Big and going bald. Because usually I can overlook some non-sense if the scenery is good.

  3. k8

    I’m half Irish and I love that I am. That’s what made me a good drinker. That Irish Rover’s song, my father he was orange, my mother she was green? I play it every year over the phone to my mom and dad. That’s me family right there.

    That why I like you; willing to go the extra mile!

  4. More people should read this post! I avoid celebrating St.Pat’s because of all the idiotic behaviour. (Plus, the fact that I’m a Scot/Swede;))

    People should have a good time, but not at the expense of others.

    Especially when you are celebrating a culture known for drunkin fights. The stereotype got started from somewhere…

  5. Just because we are celebrating doesn’t mean you can act like a douche bag.

    Oh shit… *changes life motto*

    You my dear will always have a free pass!

  6. Slainte to you, my friend. I must confess I’m wearing green, but only because it works on redheads. And jeans count as blue, right? So I’m celebrating both the island and the saint. One thing I can promise you – I will never drink green beer.

    Thank you for your rules. I hope they go viral.

    And not a drop will touch these lips either. However, Guinness is another story.

  7. i forgot today was SPD at wore a green shirt to the gym. my trainer made an irish joke and then went white as a ghost when i told him i was italian. his response: “but…you’re fair-skinned and blue-eyed.” ass.

    That is the kind of douchebaggery I speak of.

  8. Love it…I’m feeling it!
    Stupid Green Top Hats…

    I can say this…
    I’m the redhead freckle face the old men at the snug speak Gaelic to…
    then are surprised when I don’t speak the language of the Angels.

    Green…

    You know what I really hate, green beer and the jackasses that puke it up.

    I think I remember telling a girl last night that green puke was not a good look for her. Who knew?

  9. f.B

    I didn’t wear green yesterday. I have one green shirt. It’s a t-shirt. Funny thing about button-downs, though, for work: they don’t make them in green for a reason – they’re not to be worn.

    Correct. No green button downs.

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