Oh my gawd! Seriously!

Welcome to JP’s TMI Thursday. This one is dedicated to LiLu, I promised her a good one!


The road trip edition: I am on the road and will comment later, enjoy the post.


So, about 10 years ago I was 18 and lets say a little burnt. Too much sun, surf, and ink. I met this really cute figure skater Jamie at the end of my senior year of high school. She was a freak! The kind of girl that is a shy reserved girl on your arm and make you blush in the bedroom. 

It all started on summer night after a trip to the hot tub, Jamie and I headed back to my house. I was 18, just graduated and living with my parents. We got back to my house and well did what all teens that age do; crack a beer and load the surfboards in the truck. For some reason, me shirtless with fresh ink and sweaty from the hot tub and loading equipment triggered something in this young lady, more than I can explain. She suggested we go to my room and “talk.” I can honesty say, not much talking ensued.

Jamie and I were getting quite close as young lovers do, but remember I am 18 and have more mastery over big waves then the female libido. Jamie and I were getting closer by the minute, clothes strewn about and temperature rising. In fact I recall her asking me, “how did I end up naked so fast?” Well, see, thats where things went pear shaped. See Jamie really liked me, and I liked her, but she liked it, well rough.

As things got going in the hard core porn sense, she looks up at me and with a serious face asks the following

Jamie: JP?

JP: slightly out of breath- Yes?

Jamie: Will you do me in the ass?

JP: Huh? (pulls weird face) What?

Jamie: Will you do me in the ass and pull my hair? (serious face)

JP: (remember 18 at the time) Umm, I don’t really get down like that. 

This is where it got weird:

Jamie: Well, can I do you in the ass then? (again, very serious face)

JP: (even more confused) What!

Jamie: Can I do you in the ass then?

JP: ( decides that a stupid question is in order) Lol, (awkward laugh) well, how will you do that?

Yes, I asked! I asked how this really hot figure skater would proceed to get down in brown town. Only because I could not comphrernd the question posed. This is what happened next:

Jamie: Well, I would get my strap on (as if it was readily avialable) and do you from behind.

JP: What? (thinks he is stoned and misinterperted the message) Are you serious?

Jamie: Yea, I think it would be hot. I really like it like that.

JP: Are you fucking with me? (starting to worry)

Jamie: No, seriously I want to do it.

So, as I pondered this transaction all I could think was bail. The. Fuck. Out. Now! And so I did. Yes, I bailed out like a bolt of lightening. Yes, I left a naked girl that threatened asked to do me in the ass, in my parents house. Where did I go you may ask? My buddy Dave’s house. The only guy that met her and would understand why I would be at his house telling him how I almost got violated by my girlfriend.

So, what happened to Jamie? I have no idea. I fucked off, plain and simple. I did call her later and told her I has issues. I left out the small detail of she was a crazy ass broad and I valued my ass virginity; all in all she took it quite well. She cried and told me I was the one. Naw, no issues there. Yea, I pick the winners. 

Moral of this story: I suck! Come on, aside from the threat of my ass virginity (still in tact for those viewing at home) she was an awesome girlfriend. She liked it nasty and was on the low about it. Seriously, I can’t find a girl like that these days. It is always easier to look back on things and judge the situation.

Which brings me to my next point. JP needs a date (or 2) for the bloggers crush happy hour event. I will be rolling in 6 strong and would love to have my blog crush/stalker to join me. Come on down to Marvin’s DC around 8, or join me earlier, just drop me an email. Hope to see you all soon!


Filed under TMI Thursday

12 responses to “Oh my gawd! Seriously!

  1. Albert Joe

    See some useful information here
    Thanks for the tip!

  2. Just A Girl

    Oh god, I’m so glad that LiLu links all these posts. You know, I will get down with a lot of things but strap-ons are just not one of them. Is it wrong to be so entertained by you running away with your virgin ass?
    It is always good to know your limits!

  3. We’ll have to plan another date, darling, as I won’t be making it tomorrow. BUT this is fabulous! We’re both all about the anal today- TMI Twinsies!

    Sweeet! Well, you may find me at Eastern Market on Saturday for Pancakes. Go power twins!

  4. k8

    Oh JP. You don’t know what you just did to me.
    Do the words warm and tingley come to mind?

  5. Unfortunately, I am bringing my boyfriend. If only I had read this before I invited him! You two can duke it out to see who escorts me home…
    A fight to the death it is!

  6. This is probably one of the few scenarios where it’s excusable to leave a naked woman in your parents’ house while you run for the hills. Kudos.
    LOut the door like Richard Pryor on fire.

  7. I though I asked you not to post this story of us!
    Damn! Okay next time I swear I will keep it quiet! BTW I’m now in town.

  8. Crackin’ up at the anal stories with you and LiLu today!!
    Can only write about what I know…

  9. Wow. That story has too many awesome tags to count. That’s incredible, and yeah, you probably shoulda kept her around. Not by sacrificing your ass virginity, but perhaps with a response like, “maybe not today sweetie, some other time?”

    Have fun at blogger happy hour. I’d gladly be your date, but I live in KY. Lame.
    No, it was way too intense to think about at the time.

    I will always keep a spot in my line up open for you.

  10. If I weren’t stuck in Canada, I’d totally be your date.

    Also, this story ruled. There ain’t no back door to Club Racquel.
    Damn Canada once again.

  11. I knew a guy awhile ago who referred the ass area as “download only” and I’m afraid I’m going to have to agree with him! The hair pulling thing sounded kinda hot though. 😉
    I agree, for downloading only! The hair pulling is hot. Strong work Hannah.

  12. I was led here from Lilu’s latest TMI Thurs and oh my Zeus, I don’t regret clicking your link.

    “I valued my ass virginity” will not let me sleep tonight/rightnow.

    Welcome to the madness that is my life.

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