The other day I was checking the good ol’ Facebook and noticed I had a friend request from an unlikely individual. See, the last time I saw this person I was hammered and in a more upscale gentleman’s club located just outside the hood. It seems that if you graduated from my the high school and did not go to college, your only alternative career choice was to become a stripper. Yes, I ran into a girl from high school as she was giving another dude a lap dance. And she starred at me the whole time.
So the great debate began. Do I accept a stripper request? How many stripper friends is too much? Will she ever make a comment like, “JP what up kid? Hey when you last saw me, did my ass have enough glitter on it?” Will she spill our dirty secrets or is she still bound by strip club honor? Yes, I seriously had this debate while starring at her photo asking me to be her friend. Let the record reflect I love strippers and feel that they make the world a special place. In fact I have a “support strippers” magnetic ribbon on my fridge at home and believe in it. So why the debate? Because I feel weird about paying money to see a friend get naked. Seriously, if you are my true friend, I should be seeing the goods for free! This may or may not occur sober, all depends on the kind of friendship we have set up. Secondly, I have known some strippers in my day, even dated one. When you work the night shift at a busy ER, your clients are the wasted, dying, and service industry folks. I have taken care of many club owners, bouncers, patrons, and yes those acrobatic angels of the pole. Even time I took care of one of these folks, they felt compelled to tell me about all the wild and wonderful happenings that occur in the club.
Let me paint you a bolder picture of being a health care worker and a man about town. About 7 years ago my good friend who is also an attending in the ER got married. We of course had an awesome bachelors party for him and terrorized the local nudie joints. About 2 weeks later I was working with my buddy and one of our patients that evening was a beautiful young girl that looked really familiar. That kind of familiar where you are too far away to realize who it is, but don’t want to look creepy and stare. Half hour later my buddy grab me and pulls me aside and the conversation went like this:
B- Dude remember that one really hot girl from my party, the one that you and surfer dude kept buying lap dances from?
JP- Yea. Dude, she was spectacular!
B- Yea, about that. She is here as a patient.
B- And I just had to do a pelvic exam on her, she thinks she got the clap.
JP- Get fucked. Seriously?
B- As a heart attack.
Surfer dude come walking by during this time.
JP- SD do you…Tells the story to SD.
SD- Ohh Shit.
SD- I ended up hooking up with that girl.
JP- HAHAHAHAHAHA! Nooo way.
SD- Dude, I am kind of freaked out.
JP- As you should be.
Moral of this story?
Yea, strippers are cool and I dig them. But, no matter how hot they are, you can’t be real friends with them. They will always bring their A game and you cannot compete with that. And starring at your friend shake her ass for YOUR money is strange. The bonus to this scenario is of course hot stripper friends. If you take them out to the bar, well my friend, you have brought the best currency there is; Stripper ass! And the drinks shall be just as free as the girls on 2-4-1 night.
BTW- I accepted her request, because thats how I roll!
Stay tuned for TMI Thursday tomorrow…