12 steps to DILLIGAF

Over the Winter holiday Sis and Lizard Breath came down from D.C. to spend some quality time with their favorite brother, ME! During their visit I did not get out much due to the pain inflicted from a mild manner sadist; however, we did end up at the Ale House for some beers and conversation. We drifted into an exploration of my recent attitude change and assured them it was not the heavy amount of drugs, but an actual change in philosophy. I commented I was on the 8th step of my guide to enlightenment or DILLIGAF. Then the questions began…Being an 8th level DILLIGAF member, I differed Lizard Breath to a post in my blog (now just writing it), informing her there are many levels to over come and it is more of a sliding scale. One can achieve the 12th step and fall completely back to 1 (flexibility is key here).

Example: Sis, was complaining about Chucky, saying this person was very demanding and a complete pain in the ass. Yes, this statement is true. Every year I cook, this person complains in way or another. So, what does the 12 steps show you? Thats right, ignore them and do what ever the hell you planned on doing, because everyone else there was pleased with the dish. It seems straight forward, but getting to this stage is complex and requires one with an iron constitution, an affinity to drop the C-word without hesitation, and just a drop of decency. It is complex, but like the Dead Sea Scrolls, totally up to interpretation. So, without further delay JP’s 12 steps to DILLIGAF Enlightenment:

1. Admit that you are the only person that controls your life and actions/reactions.

2. Know that there is a higher power and it’s influence is all around. Irrespective of religious affiliation.

3. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. The only difference is your evolution of thinking.

4. Make a decision to improve your life in the smallest of ways. A small victory is still a victory!

5. When challenged, don’t back down. Then again, make sure you are not challenged.

6. There is no failure, just really bad experiments that did not produce the desired results. Remember, Thomas Edison found 2,000 ways not to make a light bulb.

7. Everyone is flawed. Knowing their flaw and extorting it when necessary, can be justifiable and defended.

8. Knowing you are right 99.7% of the time is okay. If they don’t understand, it’s not your fault for their lack of education.

9. If you ignore the problem one of two things will happen. 1) It will go away. 2) It will get exponentially worse. Only you can decide how to proceed.

10. Continue to take a personal inventory and when wrong promptly admitted it. This will keep things in perspective.

11. Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing. Know your threshold and tolerance for each.

12. Having  a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. Being free in all the ways that others are not.

Needless to say, I still have a long way to go!

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “12 steps to DILLIGAF

  1. The SIS

    What the hell does DILLIGAF stand for?

    DILLIGAF= Does it look like I give a fuck.

  2. k8

    You’d make a great AA sponsor. That’s the number one line that I say on a regular basis.
    DILLIGAF?
    Are you serious? No one is able to stay sober around me! Truly, it has been documented.

  3. You would love my friend, Simon. He’s like you, only on acid. I feel that glorious hi jinks would ensue.
    I love “glorious hijinks”! Next time I am in Nova Scotia, game on!

  4. k8

    Well, I’m pretty sure I would want to stay sober around you. When I drink, people hate me. I’m a crier. And a whiner. That’s where the phrase comes in.

    I end up naked in random hot tubs…

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