Staring down the barrel of the Colt

Saturday as I was doing the post insanity party clean-up, for Roomy #1’s cousin who went to bed at 11:00 pm mind you, I started to think of all the glorious bashes thrown in my honor. I have to say I was disappointed that this person went to bed when we were getting down, but then again I had great time and really didn’t think about it too much. The one thought that did cross my mind was a disturbing one, yet one that would hold its weight in any scholarly debate.

If I left for a while would my friends still be my friends? Or better yet, if I was in a coma and then got some kind of crazy amnesia and could not remember anyone, would I still select these individuals to be my friends? I know this is kind of heavy, but I am sure one way or another, this would or will cross ones mind at some juncture. This a new year and there are many changes afoot, therefore I indulged myself in these thoughts.

If I left for a while would my friends still be my friends? The true question is do I need to see these friends and or communicate with them on a regular basis? Would this be an item of contention with them or with me? Could I go an extended period of time without interacting with those that matter most; I think not. Not for the sake of needing to pacify them, it is a case that my friends, those that show up and entertain my craziness, withholding judgment and joining in on said chaos, are very important to me. My friends that I hang out with and cohort with on a regular basis are very honest and blunt. They too are slightly off and accept me with all of my faults. I would be nothing without them, hell I could be dead or in jail, who knows.

After this process, the next thought jumped way ahead; if I was in a coma and then got some kind of crazy amnesia and could not remember anyone, would I still select these individuals to be my friends? I have seen it all too often in my life (several years of trauma work, will really work over your mind) people get injured and forget or progress into a disease, then come out of it with a patchy memory. If this happened to me and then I had to be re-introduced to those that were closest to me now, would the same hold true after the fact? This has me re-examining why people are important to me. Please don’t misunderstand this thought process, it was a post Colt 45, 40 oz., hangover thought. But definitely has weighed on the mind since this process first entered my brain. For example, a similar thought process happens every time I see 2 individuals that I had feelings for. Every time I see either of these people, I have a different reaction; from indifference to lust, to flat out disgust or even longing. The truth is I have never felt the same since there has been a time lapse, separating us for a variety of reasons. Is it wrong to worry or have concern?

360 evolution says I should not worry all will work out. If I show up and they do as well, then all is good in the hood. Transversely, if neither party makes the effort, well c’est la vie. This is just a thought that happened when hungover first thing in the morning while pushing a mop sans breakfast. By no means am I worried about my current relationships, matter in fact I am having a brilliant year. Truth be told I have many options about my life in general. This is on the radar because of the impending transitions, and I may be scared to grow up; I am too anxious not too.

But if you were thinking wow, that had to be one hell of a shin dig, yes it was. Matter in fact 40’s and moonshine made an appearance, along with some dancing and someone getting permanently banned from the house. Yes, it was like that, thus the crazy delusional hang over that ensued, kind of like an alcohol induced postpartum insanity.


Filed under Friends

2 responses to “Staring down the barrel of the Colt

  1. k8

    Here’s the thing. Don’t you think that if you found out you had a significant accident that caused memory problems, or was out of it in a coma for many, many years, don’t you think after you woke up, your life and your thoughts on how to live it would have changed as well? And that’s where the whole friends thing comes in. Are YOU the same person after all this time? Probably not. Are YOU going to be interested in teh same things they are? Maybe, maybe not.

    When I got sober, I had to change my whole life. And actually, the closer to death I got, the more I understood that life was to be lived. The people who I cared about during that time? They just wanted to keep living that way – half assedly. I wanted a fuller and more vibrant life. So, my friends slowly drifted away. Today, I’m friend with people who have the same thoughts on life. I know. Heavy. And I didn’t have that Colt 45. Hrmph.

    I think you hit it right on. There has been this nagging feeling that I am on the cusp of an evolution and I hope that once it happens, my friends will still be there. It is quite strange what a 40 oz. of malt liquor will do to the mind.

  2. I think we all hit a point when we wonder about the value and depth of our friendships, and I think that wondering is necessary. Any conclusions we make can only strengthen the friendships we keep.

    Agreed! Plus a nice post apocalyptic hang over will really get you thinking about things in a different shade.

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