At times, what I say and what is going on in my head are two totally things. Recently I have been tracking some of these random thoughts during a day. And, well I think you will come to any of these various conclusions: weird, neurotic, needs to wear a helmet and so on and so forth.
- When driving to work I obsess about the spacing between cars in proportion to the light timing. Yes, it does matter and you need to pull up so others and also get in the lane.
- No, I do not care you got engaged. Especially because you knew about it and the ring was sent to your house. By the way neither was I surprised, because you incesantly talk about it!
- A beer? Why stop at one?
- Those are soo fake. Great surgeon.
- An old man getting hit by a line backer in the “Hall’s” commercial is the greatest.
- I should totally grow a handle bar mustache.
- Where is my __________(Insert beer, coffee, keys)
- Tim Tebow is sexy, but not in a gay way.
- Jim Carrey did an awesome job as Andy Kaufman.
- Why does does a dog fart smell so bad.
- Did that girl really respond to I hope you have a good new year with, “real shit my friend just died in a motorcycle accident. Way to kick off the new year.” Yea, thanks. I will not be responding to this. Way to make a first impression. Good thing I don’t pay for this crap; I’d be pissed.
- I see you looking over here. Yes, I paid to have this done. Social graces are still necessary.
- I wonder how many days off work I could pull if I stab myself in the leg.
- GO GATORS!
- Why haven’t people called me.
- This post is the essence of laziness
- I need to fix my phone.
- Where doe Emeril get his essence.
- I can’t believe you have read this far down
- You really like me, good for you. You won’t rot in hell like everyone says.
The Gospel of JP 
Those people who get engaged and know it and then act all surprised drive me fucking batty. I once had a friend call me at 8 am (and I love her, I really do) to tell me she got engaged. She picked out the ring, knew when it got to the house, picked out her dream location for the porposal and went shopping for an engagement dress the weekend before. This was not shocking news. Let me freaking sleep.
I know exactly how you feel. This is the same story minus the location and dress. I seriously feel my manhood begin to die when she talks. It’s that bad!
This is about how my head goes. Only I never think about Jim Carrey.
It was a off shoot of a thought about a REM, “Man on the Moon.”
i just peed my pants. thank you for that.
I am glad to hear I can still excite the ladies.