Blissful Delusions

My insomnia has been really disruptive as of late, thus ruining countless interpersonal relationships and dialogues throughout my day. I have been a social recluse and a inanimate corpse at the office. Simply put I have been exhausted and everyone has been pissing me off. Especially, the girl in the next office that has been signing Christmas church music at such a high pitch squeal, she would make a pig fall in love and a canary explode. I used to experience this every once in a while when working the night shift, though if I did not have any patients I would crash in the supply room with my pager by my ear. Now as a day walker (have been for 2 years now) I keep having trouble with this sleep thing. But today is a new day and thanks to my special friend Nyquil I feel like a new man. So much that I had the ultimate man dream.

I am sure you are thinking, “JP, ultimate man dream? You are serious going to go there?’ Get you mind out of the gutter pervert! I am talking about the Cadillac of man dreams. The kind of dream that will only occur to men (and some select women) that eat their steak rare, drink their beer out of a can, and have no issue wearing a bath robe to go on a beer run at 7 a.m. when the corner store opens. Thats right, the football dream!

I was number 88 for the Florida Gators and will be immortalized in my own mind as scoring 3 touchdowns during the BCS Championship game. It was magnificent! The first goal was during a kick return which was fumbled and recovered by yours truly, to run it in 20 yards. As I ran in I did this really cool flip/jump into the end zone and celebrated relentlessly. I had the applause and adulation of the entire Gator Nation. It didn’t stop there, on a forth down I pulled down a deflected ball and hugged it so close I thought the ball was going to explode into my chest. I high stepped this one in for 15 yards live and direct into the end-zone. Once in the end-zone I could see my facial expression of joy and disbelief that this just occurred; when playing NCAA on X-Box the players that don’t get the ball that often pull this same face, where the eyebrows are up and the mouth pulls a cheeky grin.

Now, touchdown #3 was the highlight reel moment and occurred right before I woke up. It happened while I was on the offensive line and was a wide- out receiver (some one thought I could run?). I shifted as the count and call went down, as soon a “hike” could be heard I was off. Knowing the play call, I rounded around and watched as Tebow took off and started the lateral play action. Coming around I was blocking for everyone and watched as another player missed the pass. Luckily I was there to grab the ball, placing one hand on the turf, I made the recovery! I took off like a crack-head stealing a 40 from the 7-11 running from the gun wielding Asian owner. As I ran I heard myself yell, “block him, block him!” The slow motion replay feature kicked in at this point and I saw the stud, Tebow, make a huge block for me on the 5 yard line. As I reached the 1, I was hit! Hit hard I might add, but never the less I was in the end zone. Wow, did I ever celebrate! I totally pulled a Chad “Ocho Cinco” Johnson and picked up a pylon and putted the ball. It was amazing.

As I walked over to the sidelines Bobby Bowden was standing there and said, “Son, that was a hell of a run. Go Gators! I am going to the other bench to see what they will come up with next.” I was amazed; what was Bobby Bowden doing there? Anyways, We were way up like 48 to zero and going for the extra point. At this time I leaned over to Tebow and said, “hey screw this. Let’s go for a 2 point conversion and really stick it to them.” He agreed. Oh No! Wait! Not yet this is the best dream ever!!!

Eye’s fly open, body starts to move, my ears accosted by the sound of Detroit Highlanders bag pipes fill the room. As my feet hit the floor I begin to move in a sort of thrashing manner, kicking and knocking over everything in my path. I am still under the hazy influence of the Nyquil. The whole blissful dream was really a hallucination perpetuated by the Doxylamine succinate. Ah, the joys of over the counter sediative/tranquilizers. It’s going to be a good day.

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2 Comments

Filed under Non-Sense

2 responses to “Blissful Delusions

  1. I was hoping for something pervier. Then again, I’m a vegetarian.

    Well, there are people out there that like to get down with vegetables. You never know…

  2. Wow, so that’s really what you boys dream about. It explains so very, very much. I wish this secret had been reveal sooner – might have avoided many a break-up over those 7am robe-wearing beer runs – not an attractive look, even on the hottest of men, I hate to tell ya.

    It is more a political statement, than a fashion statement. You know you like terry cloth ducky look!

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