Please submit your application

Roomy#1 and I were discussing the on-line dating scene the other day and I have come to this conclusion: There should be an application process. She is having issues with her results, not that they are bad, the guys are  just too nice. She is using a pay site that matches based on who you think you are. I have looked at some of these questions and realized that it tries to match you with yourself. Where is the fun in that? Chocolate Bear met his girlfriend through a non-pay site which I have used myself. This utilizes photo based comparison to meet your mate; if you find your type, you pursue. This still does not satisfy my curiosity and there needs to be a standardization of what the individual is looking for. I mean truly how can a web-site know what questions I will ask or the specifics I am looking for? Plus why would I waste money asking the person questions when I can ask them upfront? So, I have created my own application to streamline the process a bit. Because lets face it, dating me is a full time job:

           Application for position of JP’s Girlfriend

Full time position. May require travel. Pay level depends on performance.

Basic Information

    Today’s date:   

    Full name:

    Phone Number:


    City your reside in:

    Country of origin:


    Time spent in hours at said occupation:


    Size: S M L XL XXL >XXL

    Hair Color:

    Eye Color:

    Have you ever been arrested or had any trouble with the law, to include minor traffic offenses? If yes, please list all:

    Please list all medications (prescription, otc, herbs, supplements) that you take:

    Do you smoke:

    Do you do drugs/have you done drugs:

    Schools attended:

    Highest level of education achieved: 

    Religious affiliation and level of interest:

    Political party affiliation:

    Drinks consumed in a 7 day week:

    Preferred amount of sex in a week:

    Beverage(s) of choice:

    Favorite restaurant(s): 

    Multiple Choice

    1) Which of the following cars would you rather drive:

    a. Mercedes     b. Toyota Camry     c. Ford pick-up     d. ’59 Cadalliac 

    2) Of the following activities which would you rather participate in:

    a. Bowling     b. Golf     c. Tennis     d. Biking

    3) Which is your preferred type of food:

    a. Italian     b. Thai     c. Pub grub     d. French

    4) Which do you consider to the the bet date activity:

    a. Dinner and drinks     b. Dinner and Movie     c. Go-carting     d. Long walk on the beach and some wine

    5) Which choice defines your sexual inclination:

    a. Missionary     b. Lights on     c. S & M     d. Kama Sutra practioner 

    True False/Yes No

    1) I would rather have a night out rather than a night in:

    a. True     b. False

    2) How much a person makes or social status is important to me:

    a. True     b. False

    3) Physical appearance is a large factor in my choice in mate:

    a. True     b. False

    4) I enjoy giving/receiving oral sex:

    a. Yes     b. No

    5) I have/have had a sexually transmitted disease:

    a. Yes     b. No

    Short Essay 

    1) Please explain why your last relationship dissolved and what was learned from the experience:

    2) Please narrate about your most positive characteristics:

    3) Please elaborate on the negative aspects of your character:

Thank you for participating. By signing below you swear that all of the information you have provided is true to the best of your ability. If you are chosen and the relationship progresses and results in dissolution, this document can be presented as evidence in a court of law. Please send this application to you will then be notified of your appointment via contact details listed above. The booty call application will be available here at a later date. Please stay tuned. 









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5 responses to “Please submit your application

  1. The Sis

    Your forgot the most important question:
    What is your typical order at Starbuck’s?
    Then you can know just how difficult she is. Luckily my girl orders off the menu!
    Lol! Okay I will add that tomorrow along with the college degree test. Good looking out, can’t believe I forgot my own non-sense!

  2. God. This is intense. Now I kind of want to fill it out as a weekend Meme.

    Also, at Starbucks I always just go with a tall dark roast. No cream, no Splenda shit, just black as my soul. I’m boring. And evil.

    Its for the best job you’ll ever have. Please feel free to submit one, lol. Ummm, that is my cup of brew as well! Check back tomorrow it will reveal your personality.

  3. Women will lie about how much sex they want…true story.
    I like it when they lie to me in Spanish.

  4. k8

    Okay. Um. I just started reading your blog. That’s WAY TOO FUNNY that you already had this on here!
    Just like to have all my bases covered. I will keep my eyes open for your application and or dating resume…

  5. Mags from TX

    I would apply but the truth would scare me! Too funny. I will answer one question – I would rather have coffee from Denny’s than Starbucks.

    Ok 2 questions – It is a toss-up between driving the Ford PU or the 59 Caddy.

    Mags, go ahead fill it out… Denny’s was my high school brew and the toss up is very respectable!

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