Gettin’ down in the kitchen with JP

Bonerific!

Yes,  I said Bonerific because my blog, my rules. Moving on… “Trapped in the cockpit at forty thousand feet/the sky is the limit but we supersede/the greed for the speed is like way beyond limits/I grab my parachute with like/forks and spoons in it/and I’m falling/I’m falling/my heart rapid rushes/death before my eyes/oh why did I trust this/my reactions are repeated/over and over/and over/oh it seems like I will never be sober.” (Pharcyde)

We are talking Pot Roast today at The Gospel. Yes, that honkiest of honky meals, but boy is it good. The problem is it takes some time and if you are like me (poor you), then you don’t want to mess with it. But… Damn the stuff is sooo good. I am hear today to tell you and illustrate step by step how to trow down on a bad-ass pot roast with mash potatoes and gravy, that feeds 6 hungry adults or 6 separate meals for the week.

How to start the Pot Roast:

Step 1: Poor a drink

Russian Standard Vodka

I recommend the Russian Standard Vodka, on the rocks, with one slice of lemon. Great way to kick things off.

Step 2: Chop the following vegetables

• Carrots 1 small bag
• Celery 1 stalk
• Onion 2 medium coarsely chopped
• Garlic 3 entire bulbs minced
• Red bell pepper (optional)
• Green Bell Pepper (optional)

I didn’t have much time so I prepared all my veggies in advance. Plus, I have a vacuum sealer so it makes life easier. You can throw all these in a zip-lock bag.

Step 3: Get your meat ready (that’s what she said)

I see you starring at my big hunk of meat

I recommend using a 5 lb cut of shoulder. Most of the time the package will say “pot roast” on the outside. Too easy, all you have to do is remove the wrapper and that’s it. Do not trim the fat off this, it needs to melt into the dish. This is very important and where a lot of the flavor will come from.

Step 4: Put your meat and veggies in a crock-pot in the morning.

Annie Leibovitz eat your heart out.

Step 5: Sprinkle your season packet over the meat and veggies. Then add 3 cups of water. Set the crock-pot on low and allow to cook for 8 hours. 

It’s not cheating if it works.

Now after you have let 8 hours pass, I like to set this up before I go to work in the morning, take the meat out and place on a cutting board. It should fall apart as you are taking it out.

Then, remove as many vegetables from the crock as possible, placing them in a bowl.

Lifts and Separates

You will then have just the juice from the crock left which need to be saved for later. I like to put it in a pitcher for easier use when needed. (careful very hot!) It is okay if a few stray veggies are in the juice.

Once the juice has been removed from the crock, place the shredded meat and veggies back in the crock and cover. It should still be on low at this point.

How to get your mash potatoes going:

Step 1: Now that you have the juices set aside and the meat and veggies back together, get a large pot half full of salted water. Bring to a rolling boil and add your potatoes.

Small bag of red potatoes

Step 2: Boil your small bag of red potatoes for 35 minutes. Then remove, drain, and put in a large bowl for mashing.

Mash dem taters

Step 3 While mashing add:

• 1 tsp of salt
• 1 tsp of pepper
• 4 table spoons of butter
• 1/2 cup of milk
• Mash and blend until semi-smooth, depending on how you like your mashed potatoes.
• Personally, after the initial mash I throw it all into the stand mixer set on 3 for a few minutes until creamy.

Whip up some gravy:

• Heat in a medium size pot, 2 teaspoons of bacon grease or duck fat. If you do not have either, 2 tablespoons of margarine will work.
• Allow to get hot, but not burnt.
• Add 3 tablespoons of all purpose flour to the pot and allow to slightly brown or achieve a rust color.
• Once flour color is achieved, add what should be about 4 cups of left over juices from the crock-pot, one cup at a time, whisking vigorously.
• At this point set your pot to simmer (2 on the dial) and allow to thicken for 10 minutes, whisking every 2 minutes.
• If your gravy is still too thin, add a pinch or two of flour. Be sure to whisk thoroughly.

Whip that gravy's ass!

Once you have your roast set, mash, and gravy is all set up throw it on a plate and get down to business

Oh yea, I see you drooling!

Oh, lets not forget dessert! Berries are in season and nothing is better then berries and whip cream. Well, nothing better then berries with whip cream and  little chocolate sauce!

Very good.

So, to recap, here is your shopping list in order to make this dish:

1. 1 bottle Russian Standard Vodka
2. a few lemons
3. Ice
4. 5 lbs of shoulder roast beef (pot roast)
5. 1 package of McCormick (or generic) pot roast seasoning
6. 2 medium onions
7. 1 small bag of carrots
8. 3 garlic bulbs
9. 1 celery stalk
10. 1 small bag of red (creamer) potatoes
11. any other veggies you want to add
12. 1/2 cup of milk
13. Bacon grease/duck fart fat/margarine
14. all purpose flour
15. Berries
16. Hershey’s chocolate syrup
17. Cool-Whhhip