And I bid you Adieu!

It has been a few months since I have posted, well, anything. There is a good reason for this and let me splain youse…

I moved to DC with a hierarchy of goals in mind and at the top of my list graduate school. So, pulled the trigger and moved. Made to the Deez C and hit the ground running. I have now been in the town for a few months and embarked on the psychotic journey that I call my life. I now work 40 hours a week at a job where I do not have internet or the ability to communicate with the outside world, needless to say, I will be finding a new job. I am also taking 3 graduate courses, to include weekend classes as well. Yes, my life is a bit off the chain right now. As I type this my roommates are moving out and I have to find a new joint closer to the city, as well as finding a new car due to the Wolverine incident.

Just JP

I started this blog as a way to keep writing, so not to lose any edge while waiting for classes to begin. Now that I am balls deep in school, I am going to cut this space loose. I enjoyed having an outlet and a place that I can rant, rave, and basically let me be me. I have met some awesome people through this blog and some crazy ass people too. It all comes with the territory I guess. All in all I would not trade it, nor would I do anything different.

JP

I feel this blog was only one side of myself, the nonsensical side, and I am glad that you dropped by to share in it. I would like to leave you with these parting words:

This will be my last confession,
Liberty can leave harsh impressions,
I have little faith forgive me for my past discretions,
But we live and learn that history and past are lessons,
Ive always played the hand I was given,
No exceptions here humanitys driven,
You see all men are born equal, just the standard of living,
That differs between the Jewish, Adriatic and Christian,
Im a logical man given to science,
Forgive me I know religion inspires,The day this is work the love of it dies, A handful make it, the others will strive,
And hunger can drive hatred but such is just life,
I guess jealousys the curse that the struggle inspires,
These critics seek to break and divide,
I know Im bitter but my faith is divine,
Take it in stride yeah I act like I hate it at times,
But I found love through this music and a place to reside,
For every friend I have an eager opponent,
For every cent I spent on meager components,
I gave something back so I dont feel the need for atonement,
Cause we all get our hands dirty when were seizing the moment.

From: http://www.musicbabylon.com

Again, thanks for coming by for the past year or so! Be sure to keep up with me on Twitter, JustJPTweet, so you can keep up with my insanity. If you see me on the streets, just say hi to a guy named JP.

For all the ladies heartbroken and seeking a male perspective on things, check out my friends:

12 Minds

A Jersey Kid

Big Money Tony

[F]oxymoron

Hailtheale

Hedonist Beer Jive

Hello Negro

Home Brew Chef

malnurturedsnay

Mental Poo

Playaz Ball

The Confessions of an Odd Duck

The Definitive DMBosstone

The Restaurant Refugee

The Wordy Ninja

White-Collar Redneck

Don’t forget to check out everyone else too!

Gettin’ down in the kitchen with JP

Bonerific!

Yes,  I said Bonerific because my blog, my rules. Moving on… “Trapped in the cockpit at forty thousand feet/the sky is the limit but we supersede/the greed for the speed is like way beyond limits/I grab my parachute with like/forks and spoons in it/and I’m falling/I’m falling/my heart rapid rushes/death before my eyes/oh why did I trust this/my reactions are repeated/over and over/and over/oh it seems like I will never be sober.” (Pharcyde)

We are talking Pot Roast today at The Gospel. Yes, that honkiest of honky meals, but boy is it good. The problem is it takes some time and if you are like me (poor you), then you don’t want to mess with it. But… Damn the stuff is sooo good. I am hear today to tell you and illustrate step by step how to trow down on a bad-ass pot roast with mash potatoes and gravy, that feeds 6 hungry adults or 6 separate meals for the week.

How to start the Pot Roast:

Step 1: Poor a drink

Russian Standard Vodka

I recommend the Russian Standard Vodka, on the rocks, with one slice of lemon. Great way to kick things off.

Step 2: Chop the following vegetables

• Carrots 1 small bag
• Celery 1 stalk
• Onion 2 medium coarsely chopped
• Garlic 3 entire bulbs minced
• Red bell pepper (optional)
• Green Bell Pepper (optional)

I didn’t have much time so I prepared all my veggies in advance. Plus, I have a vacuum sealer so it makes life easier. You can throw all these in a zip-lock bag.

Step 3: Get your meat ready (that’s what she said)

I see you starring at my big hunk of meat

I recommend using a 5 lb cut of shoulder. Most of the time the package will say “pot roast” on the outside. Too easy, all you have to do is remove the wrapper and that’s it. Do not trim the fat off this, it needs to melt into the dish. This is very important and where a lot of the flavor will come from.

Step 4: Put your meat and veggies in a crock-pot in the morning.

Annie Leibovitz eat your heart out.

Step 5: Sprinkle your season packet over the meat and veggies. Then add 3 cups of water. Set the crock-pot on low and allow to cook for 8 hours. 

It’s not cheating if it works.

Now after you have let 8 hours pass, I like to set this up before I go to work in the morning, take the meat out and place on a cutting board. It should fall apart as you are taking it out.

Then, remove as many vegetables from the crock as possible, placing them in a bowl.

Lifts and Separates

You will then have just the juice from the crock left which need to be saved for later. I like to put it in a pitcher for easier use when needed. (careful very hot!) It is okay if a few stray veggies are in the juice.

Once the juice has been removed from the crock, place the shredded meat and veggies back in the crock and cover. It should still be on low at this point.

How to get your mash potatoes going:

Step 1: Now that you have the juices set aside and the meat and veggies back together, get a large pot half full of salted water. Bring to a rolling boil and add your potatoes.

Small bag of red potatoes

Step 2: Boil your small bag of red potatoes for 35 minutes. Then remove, drain, and put in a large bowl for mashing.

Mash dem taters

Step 3 While mashing add:

• 1 tsp of salt
• 1 tsp of pepper
• 4 table spoons of butter
• 1/2 cup of milk
• Mash and blend until semi-smooth, depending on how you like your mashed potatoes.
• Personally, after the initial mash I throw it all into the stand mixer set on 3 for a few minutes until creamy.

Whip up some gravy:

• Heat in a medium size pot, 2 teaspoons of bacon grease or duck fat. If you do not have either, 2 tablespoons of margarine will work.
• Allow to get hot, but not burnt.
• Add 3 tablespoons of all purpose flour to the pot and allow to slightly brown or achieve a rust color.
• Once flour color is achieved, add what should be about 4 cups of left over juices from the crock-pot, one cup at a time, whisking vigorously.
• At this point set your pot to simmer (2 on the dial) and allow to thicken for 10 minutes, whisking every 2 minutes.
• If your gravy is still too thin, add a pinch or two of flour. Be sure to whisk thoroughly.

Whip that gravy's ass!

Once you have your roast set, mash, and gravy is all set up throw it on a plate and get down to business

Oh yea, I see you drooling!

Oh, lets not forget dessert! Berries are in season and nothing is better then berries and whip cream. Well, nothing better then berries with whip cream and  little chocolate sauce!

Very good.

So, to recap, here is your shopping list in order to make this dish:

1. 1 bottle Russian Standard Vodka
2. a few lemons
3. Ice
4. 5 lbs of shoulder roast beef (pot roast)
5. 1 package of McCormick (or generic) pot roast seasoning
6. 2 medium onions
7. 1 small bag of carrots
8. 3 garlic bulbs
9. 1 celery stalk
10. 1 small bag of red (creamer) potatoes
11. any other veggies you want to add
12. 1/2 cup of milk
13. Bacon grease/duck fart fat/margarine
14. all purpose flour
15. Berries
16. Hershey’s chocolate syrup
17. Cool-Whhhip

Everyone is not Irish…Lá Fhéile Pádraig

**I have made sure all youtube posts are okay for work**

Yes, I am about to hate on St. Patrick’s Day! Not really, just the douche bag participants. One of my most coveted days. The day of the Irish feast so powerful that if it fell on Lent, the restrictions could be lifted by the local Bishop and thou could eat meat. A glorious day of days that we reflect on the patron saints of Ireland; even Jesus gets a little jealous about this celebration. But, this year I have a few things to address, nay, thrust upon my public, before I roll out this evening for my cabbage and bacon stew.

If you observe observe other religious celebrations that are not within the realm of the Protestant or Catholic grips, chances are you are not Irish. This is okay, I am only about 75% myself. I enjoy hanging out with diverse crowds and having them be interested in my celebration.* Though I die a bit inside when I see a South Asian or even a French man wearing one of those gay green and black Guinness hats, wearing a button that says “kiss me I’m Irish.” NO. YOU. ARE. NOT! You are the douche bag that spilled beer on me last year and almost got me arrested, because I “may” have not “reacted” in the best manner possible.**

Well, heres the deal. I like to enjoy my cultural heritage with gusto; nay, fervor! I am not saying the non-Irish can’t join in, all I am saying is remember that its a Gaelic tradition to get hammered and fight. A few broken bottles, chairs, or girlfriends… It could all happen to you, if you do not observe a few cultural things.

Do not discuss the religious divide. You think the Sunni’s and Shiite’s have gone at it, well just turn on the news in Dublin.

1. Do not discuss the religious divide. You think the Sunni’s and Shiite’s have gone at it, well just turn on the news in Dublin.
2. Do not claim to be in the IRA. You never know where those guys are at.
3. If you hear Sláinte (Slawn-Cha) toast back accordingly. Salud, Cheers, Prost, Ba’sal’a'ma’ti, L’chaim, Kampai, or Na zdorovje just does not work.
4. Dressing like an asshole, still makes you an asshole; No matter how much green you wear. Especially when green is the representation of the island, not the Patron Saint, thats the color blue.
5. If you get drunk thats cool. If you get drunk and cannot handle your booze, don’t drink. Just because we are celebrating doesn’t mean you can act like a douche bag. Remember it is still a religious observance.

Okay, I have said my piece. Now, for my friends that are not Irish, its cool I still like ya. In fact I hope to see you out tonight. I will be in my usual dive that is serving cheap beer and good Irish fare. For those looking to have a good night, may I suggest taking a few pointers from the following commerical from my friends at Guinness:

Oh yea, the Jewish girl at work just came over and said,”I have my green on, where’s yours?” Well, the last I checked I do not own a “green” work shirt. That went out of style in the 70′s beeotch. Prime example of the douchebaggery I am trying to avoid today.  I may be feeling a little stabby.

*At this point please keep in mind I am hating on it.

**You throw one bottle at a guy and cops get upset.