**I have made sure all youtube posts are okay for work**
Yes, I am about to hate on St. Patrick’s Day! Not really, just the douche bag participants. One of my most coveted days. The day of the Irish feast so powerful that if it fell on Lent, the restrictions could be lifted by the local Bishop and thou could eat meat. A glorious day of days that we reflect on the patron saints of Ireland; even Jesus gets a little jealous about this celebration. But, this year I have a few things to address, nay, thrust upon my public, before I roll out this evening for my cabbage and bacon stew.
If you observe observe other religious celebrations that are not within the realm of the Protestant or Catholic grips, chances are you are not Irish. This is okay, I am only about 75% myself. I enjoy hanging out with diverse crowds and having them be interested in my celebration.* Though I die a bit inside when I see a South Asian or even a French man wearing one of those gay green and black Guinness hats, wearing a button that says “kiss me I’m Irish.” NO. YOU. ARE. NOT! You are the douche bag that spilled beer on me last year and almost got me arrested, because I “may” have not “reacted” in the best manner possible.**
Well, heres the deal. I like to enjoy my cultural heritage with gusto; nay, fervor! I am not saying the non-Irish can’t join in, all I am saying is remember that its a Gaelic tradition to get hammered and fight. A few broken bottles, chairs, or girlfriends… It could all happen to you, if you do not observe a few cultural things.
Do not discuss the religious divide. You think the Sunni’s and Shiite’s have gone at it, well just turn on the news in Dublin.
- Do not discuss the religious divide. You think the Sunni’s and Shiite’s have gone at it, well just turn on the news in Dublin.
- Do not claim to be in the IRA. You never know where those guys are at.
- If you hear Sláinte (Slawn-Cha) toast back accordingly. Salud, Cheers, Prost, Ba’sal’a'ma’ti, L’chaim, Kampai, or Na zdorovje just does not work.
- Dressing like an asshole, still makes you an asshole; No matter how much green you wear. Especially when green is the representation of the island, not the Patron Saint, thats the color blue.
- If you get drunk thats cool. If you get drunk and cannot handle your booze, don’t drink. Just because we are celebrating doesn’t mean you can act like a douche bag. Remember it is still a religious observance.
Okay, I have said my piece. Now, for my friends that are not Irish, its cool I still like ya. In fact I hope to see you out tonight. I will be in my usual dive that is serving cheap beer and good Irish fare. For those looking to have a good night, may I suggest taking a few pointers from the following commerical from my friends at Guinness:
Oh yea, the Jewish girl at work just came over and said,”I have my green on, where’s yours?” Well, the last I checked I do not own a “green” work shirt. That went out of style in the 70′s beeotch. Prime example of the douchebaggery I am trying to avoid today. I may be feeling a little stabby.
*At this point please keep in mind I am hating on it.
**You throw one bottle at a guy and cops get upset.